How do you know if it's just sex?

When we start a sexual relationship with someone, one of the quickest misunderstandings we come to is the other person's intentions towards you. You learn pretty quickly in life, that a lot of the people, quite a lot of the time are just looking for something casual. I  get emailed a lot by people explaining their situations and asking whether it sounds like they're just after sex/something casual or a relationship.... so here are a few points to consider, which I believe are the most obvious ways of knowing that you're in a casual/just sex based relationship.

1) You never leave the bedroom: One of the obvious ones. If you guys are always in the bedroom... and I don't mean you go screwing outside, that really doesn't count. If your relationship is just in bed, no drinks, no movies, no nights out. You're 'relationship' isn't going anywhere...

2) You don't talk about future plans: A little similar to number one, but if you don't even make plans to go out and do anything else, then this person isn't interesting in anything emotional. If you say 'we should go see a film this week' and the next time you meet up... it's in your bedroom or his. You're stuck in a non-relationship.

3) They aren't telling their friends: If no one really knows apart from your friends that you're screwing this person... yeah, they aren't that bothered.

4) They act different towards you in public: I don't mean that they're not overly affectionate, because some people just aren't like that in public. But if they don't hold your hand, or only hold your hand down the quieter streets. Also if they change the way they speak to you, if they aren't so familiar with you in their conversation or tone, they're trying not to arouse any suspicion. 

5) Their text frequency: Everyone knows when you're into someone, you text them more than you would anyone else. If they only reply to say... half your conversation starters or you only have short conversations. They aren't that bothered. If you find yourself finding a reason to text them, in order for them to text you back a lot of the time... then you've been suckered.

There are so many more reasons as to how you can figure out if the person you're dating is in fact dating or not dating you too. But these in my opinion are the biggest and most obvious. If you have any questions, or anything, as always feel free to contact me either by:

Emailing me at: RebbieShaneOfficial@gmail.com
Liking us on Facebook: Rebbie-Shane
Following us on Twitter: @Rebbie_Shane

Memory lane can be quite a funny place.

Who remembers late last year/early this year when I made profile up on dating and 'fuck buddy' sites to do a whole load of research into them and into dating and sex lives themselves.

I received an email earlier this week asking if I still used LocalSlags.com ... I'd never even heard that site before but I knew instantly where he'd got this from.

A lot of sites out there that are there solely for people who sign up and find a 'intimate friend' all share details with each other and share the profiles on their website. So if you sign up to one, you're signed up to them all. I've had enquiries asking why I'm on sexyGILF when I'm on 20 years of age, and some site to do with cougars....

Why don't I take these profiles down? Because I can't. The admins on the site always figured out that I was on there purely to play about and do research for my blog and always cut off my account. Yet, they kept my profile details on all the sites. This is to make men believe that there are plenty of girls out there on this website looking for a quick shag, long term fool-around-er. So they sign up to the site and pay the monthly fee. Now, they do in the small print say that they share their information with other site, but who actually reads the small print on a website? :P

What a lot of people don't realise is that the same profiles are on these weird and not so wonderful sites, so if they sign up to more than one of them, they're paying for the same thing, and that they don't realise is when they sign up to a new site, paying their monthly fee, they actually already have a profile on there...
Yet some people are lucky enough to find what they are looking for, and are happy. However most people unfortunately, get left with nothing and fair few pennies emptied out of their pocket.

As for me, I am doomed to be on the internet forever, a cougar, GILF and local slag. Wonderful!

Here is a photo of how pleased I am over this.... =P

I cheated and I don't know what to do

It's been a while since I did one of my advice blogs (Shame on all my friends who are reading this thinking I cheated :P)
But I got an email from a girl who had cheated on her boyfriend, and was a little confused about what it meant etc. Anyway, if you have any more advice to give her then comment below, Follow on Facebook or Twitter :)

Or if you need any advice, (Either to be answered via my blog or privately, email me at Shaneyxcakes@gmail.com)



'Hi Rebbie,
I've been with my boyfriend for a few months now, and when we first got together I really liked him, and I still do... I just feel the spark has gone out of the relationship. I'm starting to wonder if I want to be with him anymore. I know he loves me and he is the best boyfriend I've ever had, but something isn't there...
A couple of weeks ago I went out with a few of my friends, and ended up taking someone else home. To be honest I don't exactly regret it, but It's made me wonder even more about whether I want to be with my boyfriend or not :/. If he found out what happened he'd be so upset :(. What should I do?'



Hey there random person with no name :P haha.

First of all, a lot of people do tend to feel that way after being in a relationship for a fair amount of time, as things tend to get more permanent and things are starting to seem like they're going to work out for the long run, it's natural for us to start thinking about 'Is this what I want to focus my life and time on?'
What are your feelings for the guy you cheated on your boyfriend with? Is he someone you know and like? Or was he just a one night stranger? If he was just a one night thing then I would suggest just trying to push it to the back of your mind and take some time out for yourself to figure out what you want from your relationship, because that's the important bit in that scenario.

But if it's someone you do like, you need to figure out if it's something that's likely to happen again, because if it is, it's going to be even more unfair on your partner to be sticking around in this relationship if you're playing away. If you feel like you should tell your boyfriend what happened, then tell him, but if it's going to be a 'more trouble than it's worth' situation, noone would blame you for just keeping quiet and forgetting the whole thing. Although if there's a chance someone saw you, don't be surprised if the gossip spreads, maybe you should also think about if it's worth getting the truth out there yourself before the gossip train does!

You never know, that night could of been the night someone realised how much they do want their relationship. Unfortunately I don't think this has happened to you :(. I think you probably do care about your boyfriend a hell of a lot, but you're not in a place to be in a long term or serious relationship. Either because that person isn't the one, or you just don't like being in a committed relationship. Maybe you need some time to yourself away from the pressures of relationships to see what you truly want :).

Hope this helps!

What counts as cheating?

Everyone has a different view on what they see as cheating in a relationship. For example some people see kissing another person of the opposite sex cheating, and some don't. Others count emotional relationships and so on.
But is cheating really? The definition is 'An immoral way of achieving a goal.' so if you're unhappy emotionally, or the sex in the relationship has gone downhill/become non existent. Finding that with someone else is an immoral way of going about it, because you're breaking the trust.

Everyone has a different boundary of what counts as cheating in their book, so what's yours?

I personally feel it has a big thing to do with how secure you feel in your relationship, if you feel comfortable knowing that your partner does adore you like they should, then you feel a lot more at ease, a lot less paranoid, and if you did find him kissing a friend as a joke, you wouldn't be too miffed about it.
However if you are a little more insecure, a little bit more possessive, those kind of things can bother you a lot more. I've found that it's this factor of security which varies peoples opinions.

I myself have been in relationships where I've laughed while my boyfriends been kissing someone else, and I've been in relationships where the same situation has infuriated me!

Obviously if you go further than kissing it is a pretty much universal view that it is cheating, it's mainly kissing where peoples opinions vary.

Emotional Relationships
As many people know, you don't physically have to participate in anything sexual to be 'cheating' on your relationship. We get close to people that we begin to like more, and those people begin to fill a hole your life. If you're not completely happy, we have someone that we are attracted to and love on some level and they make us feel that happy again, and the same for them to you. But is that cheating?

I don't personally feel like it is cheating, but if you're thinking about how you'd rather be in a relationship with them rather than the person you are in a relationship with, something is seriously wrong, and you have to decide whether your relationship is worth trying to save, or that you need to leave. I do feel like it is a form of betrayal, and it will cause hurt even though there is no sex involved.

What are your opinions? Leave a comment below, follow on facebook or twitter (Links above)
Or email me at Shaneyxcakes@gmail.com

Are kids as innocent as they used to be?

As some of you may have read, there has been a little uproar about the educational videos from the BBC, that are questionable when it comes to how appropriate they are for their audience.
I read that an M.P. wanted 'cinema style' ratings on these videos... After thinking about this, I wonder to myself why there isn't already a rating for these educational videos, based on how explicit they are.
With these kind of video's being shown in schools, I feel it is important for parents to know what materials are being shown to their kids.
It's fair enough having kids bring home letters from school saying they plan to show a BBC educational video, 'Living and Growing' explaining how it teaches and explains what is going to happen with their bodies etc as they approach and go through puberty. Like many people seeing that it's a 'BBC Educational video' with such a simple and clean name, you'd trust it would be appropriate for the audience it's catering for. People trust the BBC, they have a trusted reputation.... Why would we think the BBC would be showing inappropriate things to our kids?

This video in question contains;
- an animated video of two cartoon characters making love and a computer-generated sequence showing a couple having sex, accompanied by a graphic explanation
-a child's voice over commenting on how they are 'Having fun'
- footage of a naked man and woman, used to demonstrate the differences between the sexes, 
-information about 'wet dreams' and masturbation, 
-graphic diagrams of genitalia.
-penetration
-explanations of sexual feelings
-same-sex relationships


I'm only 10 years older than the audience this video has been made for, and I remember the education video I was shown in year 6 (Age 10/11). I learnt about periods, erections, and pubic hair. (More than likely also about how sperm fertilises an egg and the woman becomes pregnant) But I really don't remember that, meaning the emphasis was on periods and erections, as these are the matters at around age 10.
I do believe some of the areas covered in this BBC video that wasn't covered in the video I watched at that age needed to be put in. Such as sexual feelings and masturbation. A lot of kids do start masturbating at age 10 and 11, without actually knowing what they are doing. They are just acting on these sexual feelings which to them are weird. The same with 'wet dreams' if it can begin to happen at that age, then give them the education, tell them what it is.

However, creating a cartoon video of a couple actually having sex. Is it really that appropriate? Having a child's voice over saying how they are 'Having fun'? Have the BBC there, either consciously or sub-consciously just encouraged kids to have sex? Think about it, at that age, when one of your friends says, 'Oh that ride over there is fun' You want to go on that ride. 'Ooooh, this video game looks fun' You want to play it. If one of your friends in the playground came up to you and said 'Having sex is fun' after learning that it is fun, you can't deny that you would be a little more interested in what it is, or whether you'd enjoy doing it too etc. Telling kids that having sex is or looks 'fun' is going to encourage at least some of them to go and do it. Bad mistake BBC.


At age 9/10, I remember knowing there was a thing called sex, I wasn't quite sure what it was, but when my friend told me you did it naked I was confused as to why I would ever do anything naked with a boy. A little more innocent than some of today's 10 year olds.
But we do need to accept that kids are learning these things at a younger age, this video has had a massive range of responses, from 'The kids now need to learn all of this stuff' to the argument of childhood innocence and 'why are they learning things I didn't till I was married?'. Childhood innocence is not the same as it used to be, I'm only 19 and I'm shocked by some of the stuff younger kids know, I didn't learn some of the stuff some 10 year olds know until I was 14. They need to be taught the truths of the stories that go around their playground. They need the education about some stuff no-one would of taught us at that age. Kids are way too curious, they want to know what they don't. Sex is everywhere nowadays, on tv, in music videos etc.

Personally, I think I'm bang in the middle about it, they need the education on what is going on, what happens etc. But leave them a little innocence here, there are still limits.
Bring back the cartoon diagrams of a penis and vagina, and tell them sex is for when you old and starting a family.
Not make out sex is some kind of game that is 'fun.' And you wonder why so many young kids get pregnant...

Settling

Most of us make the wrong decisions in choosing partners, without even knowing it. We all take risks, and they don't always work out. I'm going to be covering the different relationships choices we make, when it comes to choosing partners in the next few posts...

Have you ever felt you've settled for second best, or the 'safe option'? When you couldn't have the person you loved, or if you've been messed around by someone else, you found a person who would offer you everything the other person wouldn't?

A few of us have done this, believing that we do like that person, and to be honest we do like them. But what do we like... the person? Or what they're offering us?

Is it love and a relationship we're craving? Something safe we can rely on? Everyone wants different things, and it's not always the person we want to offering them. And we do become confused.

Sometimes this works out, and sometimes it doesn't. We can learn to love that person like we loved others in time, or we just get frustrated in our relationships and hurt the other person, either by leaving, or another way.

The only advice I could give to anyone going through this is, give yourself time to work out what you really want. If you know you don't lust for this person as much as you did for someone else, a crush or an ex, then maybe you need to give yourself some space to figure out if this is what you're going through and what you want in the long run.

No one deserves to settle.

Do you want this person? Or do you want what they're offering you? It's something we all need to realise and work out for ourselves. Unfortunately many of us decide this when it's too late. We all need to realise the signs from the beginning, and the only and obvious one, is how much we lust over them.

Only then can you work out whether you feel it's possible that a real relationship can grow from this.

Are you confused in your relationship? Or have an opinion on this? Or have something to say about anything in particular? Either comment below, comment on facebook or twitter (Links above)
Tweet at @Rebbie_shane
Or email me at Shaneyxcakes@gmail.com

Hope this helps guys!

Virginity...

A couple of my friends have asked me to write about Virgins in the modern age, and what I thought about it.

I personally don't have any views on it, it's just a case of someone has either had sex or hasn't. But I will be honest. Since moving away from my old town, I was shocked to meet so many people at University who were still virgins. So I got to wondering, is my home town just that corrupt? Or is it to do with the public view on teenagers and sex.

One of the biggest fears for parents is having their child walk in the house one day and telling them they're pregnant/or got someone pregnant. So parents make sure they drill into their kids heads that they know about safe sex and to only do it when they're ready (and more often or not, when they're old enough!) I remember the talk my mum gave me...

Mum: Do you know the most 100% way of not getting pregnant is?
Me: Yes mother......
Mum: Well... what is it?

Me: Don't have sex..
Mum: YES!... Do not have sex!

Is there really any pressure out there to have sex? Or do we just bring it on ourselves? Most of the pressure I do find is from the guys, to themselves or sometimes on to girls. Not all guys mind you, but you do get the select few who always try and worm their way into bed with a girl, and us girls can sometimes be deluded into thinking he'll respect me if I do, or he'll stay with me... Really isn't the case as we figure out as we get a little older, and we end up regretting what we've done and feeling silly.
(As always there's those few exceptions where it does happen to be the other way round, and it's the guys who end up regretting things, and us girls acting like dicks...)

My two friends who asked me to write about this, are both guys, and friends who I love dearly. I'll say to them what I say to anyone, don't have sex unless your ready... simple enough. The same boring stuff that comes out of nearly everyone's mouths...

There is a little banter thrown in direction of people who are still virgins, i used to tease my cousin a little, saying he was cute, but i just liked to wind him up generally :p. Sometimes banter can be unintentionally pressuring people into doing something, just because they don't like the teasing and they want it to stop. You just have to remember that we don't want to pressure you into doing anything, if you feel upset by jokes within your groups of friends, just ask them to stop, explain how you feel, and true friends will respect that.

Two people that I met at uni were virgins when I first met them, one of them was a particular interesting to watch as her views changed throughout the first year of uni.
When I first met her, she seem proud of herself for saving herself for so long, wanting to wait till someone special came along, and good on her! But after a while, she started to think 'I just want it over and done with'
Typical that a couple of months later she meets a good guy, and wishes she'd waited till him.

I know a few people who don't let themselves feel the pressure, and are happy as anything not having sex. I do wish it was the same for younger teenagers who are feeling the pressure. There really is no need to. If you're not ready then don't do it.
Remember this...

-If you feel having sex will improve/strengthen/or create a relationship with someone, then it's not worth doing it. Because more often than not, it won't change a thing.

- No one particulary cares about whether you've had sex or not, and whoever does. Just ask, why should they? It really isn't anything to do with them.

But I want to know what you think, if you are a virgin, do you ever feel pressured?
Or how do you see people who haven't had sex? Do you respect the fact they haven't?

Or do you think sex isn't anything of a big deal any more and 'virginity' is something that doesn't really matter anymore?

Facebook/twitter links are above, email me at Shaneyxcakes@gmail.com
Or as usual you can just comment below :). 

Are our relationships always worth it?

One thing that I see with many couples and relationships is that they spend all their time arguing and being annoyed at each other, and it just makes me think, why are you guys even together?

I know a few people have commented on this, and feel the same way as me, and asked advice on this, the only thing I can say is to just ask yourselves...

Are you happy? Seems like a stupid obvious question. But really think about it, does arguing make you happy? honestly? Too many people turn around and say 'But he/she makes me happy' or that when it's good it's amazing. But are the bad times really worth the good times?

We all get stressed out with our relationships at some point, but a lot of couples bicker and argue almost every day if not every day. Yet still won't leave each other. Everyone deserves so much better than that. If you're getting upset with each other that often then the truth is, you're just not right for each other.
Would you stick around through all that arguing if it was with a friend? Doubtful.

Everyone goes through rough patches, where arguing seems to be constant, this is usually because the trust in the relationship has been broken by one of the partners, You do sometimes get through it, but that's what breaks are for right? To escape that.
Keeping a relationship together so tightly through rough patches like those, only puts more pressure and strain into a relationship.

People are terrified of going on 'breaks' because they feel it is the end of the relationship, and people do use the term 'break' to break up, so it's understandable. But they are good for giving the relationship what it needs to get back on track. It's not rocket science to know that taking the pressure away from a relationship will do it good. Space always helps the relationship calm down, and gives people the chance to get over what is hurting them.

Just a thought :)

Cutting off ties....

Should we allow the people that hurt us to stick around in our lives or should we cut off all ties, and if so, when is the best time to do so?

This is a situation that's a lot easier said than done... If someone has hurt us, we can still want them in our lives, and still want to be around them. But we don't always see if that's good for us.
No one should place themselves in a situation that will hurt them. If it upsets you to be around them, or to talk to someone from a past relationship that has hurt you. Then don't have them around and don't talk to them.
The reason why people get upset when they're with their ex's is because they miss the better times with them, and having them so close. A little bit of pointing out the obvious there, but we try to keep them around, and in our lives because we try to latch on to what we had with them, and we get upset because we know it's not the same. That part of our life is over, and we have to deal with that change. Sometimes it's not always easy to accept.
If it isn't that easy to accept, then the best way to accept it, is to cut off those ties, don't emotionally torture yourself with it. (Sounds a little dramatic, but it is what you are doing to yourself.) People ask when is the best way to cut off ties with an ex, the answer? The second it starts to hurt you. Yeah, people can stay friends after a relationship and many people still hang out and stuff, but if you weren't ready to give up that relationship, then it's only going to hurt you, and that hurt isn't necessary, and I don't believe it's a good idea for anyone to put themselves in that situation.

You can come back to it later, when you're emotionally ready to have them in your life again.

Something that seems even more crazy is when we have moved on, that person from the past can still come back into ours lives, and we remember how it was, and begin to miss it again. It happens to a lot of people and we end up comparing it to what we have now. Sometimes even believing we were happier with what we had rather than what we have. And I think it's a little bit of 'we want what we can't have' sort of thing, and especially if we see someone else with what we want, we get jealous, and want it just a little bit more...

Some people even break off relationships to go back to what they had, and mostly they do regret it, and to everyone outside of the situation, it seems like a crazy thing to do. Is it?
Especially if we're the ones who got hurt in the past relationship, it's a lot easier to fall back into the trap we were in then. Because we didn't willingly take away what made us happy, so we crave it a little bit more because we weren't finished with it. It was something that we wanted and it got taken away from us.

It's natural for when that happens for us to want it back, and what people don't always see is the mistake of throwing away what they have now, because we're comfortable and happy, and what we had that made us happy before is a temptation to what we think would make us happier.
People believe that a person has changed, and they won't hurt them again... etc. We have a lot of excuses to justify what we're doing/thinking/feeling. But in reality it's usually a false happiness, things don't change, things didn't work out for a reason, and we forget that. We also don't realise or underestimate how much we'd be losing by throwing away what we have then, one, because we're comfortable and sitting tight and happy. And two, because usually, we've never been in a situation where we could of lost what we have before.
People don't realise the damage they do by throwing away relationships, because of the temptation, the illusion of things being better the second/third/forth etc time around and because we don't always appreciate what we do have in our lives.
To other people it seems crazy, but they don't know what we're thinking or feeling, we might see more of a picture of the situation, but outsiders can actually see the clearer picture. We do tend to lose our way, and follow our senses and emotions, but they can be very misleading.

Do we need to follow our head or our heart? Our head needs to pull the reigns on our hearts every now and again, but not so much so we aren't going anywhere. We need to follow what makes us happy, but also what is good for us.
And what seems to make us happy, isn't always what's good..

The one that got away...

Do you believe in there being the one person who you 'should of been with?'

The one person who was perfect for you but for some reason you could never make it?

It, at some point happens to anyone, the main meaning to the phrase is about the one other 'True love' in your life that you will never truly forget. As happy as you are in your current relationship. Whenever you see that person, you still get those butterflies and always remember...

But we all experience a little part of that with a few people in our lives, when a relationship has recently ended, we often still feel things for that person...

Sometimes when we come into a new relationship, we start to miss the old one...

Are we looking for something better?

Or are we just exploring what we're looking for?

Everyone's different, everyone does it for different reasons, and it can screw a lot of things up, people can screw a perfectly good relationship by acting on these feelings, and some people can get hurt all over again. It's something that never is what it seems, we believe that we miss that person, and my personal opinion is that, it isn't the case.

Some people don't like change, Some people don't like it so much, they try not to let go, they don't want to know any different because they loved what they had so much. People forget that relationships break because they weren't right, and as much as you may have loved it, you can't hold onto something that wasn't going to work...

In some cases though, it is just a case of it wasn't the right time for that relationship. But again, you can't wait around for it to fix itself, if it's going to fix, it will do it itself. Don't assume that relationship will come back together either. Go out and enjoy yourself, don't keep trying to hold and let it get you down.

Too many people make that mistake.

Have you ever had someone that you couldn't forget?

And did you realise why you couldn't forget them?

Personally, I like to believe these people are a lesson and an experience to learn from, because when we've learnt them, we find it so easy to move on with our lives and start to forget them properly.

But being so young, I wouldn't know if there is just a person who you go your whole life always having that thing for? That is literally just someone who you couldn't forget...

As always, I'd love your opinions on this, so Comment below,
And don't forget to like the facebook page (if you haven't already) and follow me on twitter (both links posted above) and share your opinions on today's or any of the topics I've done.

Teenage Parents

Becoming a parent at a young age is quite common in today's society. A couple of weeks ago I touched on this in a post, arguing the negative of growing up too fast, and the risk of wasting young life. But I wanted to touch on this at a more positive side.. Is the stigma too negative towards young parents?

A lot of ethical theories have their opinion on pregnancy, abortion and contraception and I do believe that this is really important when applying young parents in your own ethical opinions. For example;

 Natural Law:

The most used ethical theory in  the bracket of Christian Ethics (as the majority of Christians are Roman Catholics). They have a very firm belief that the natural way is the morally right way of going about things, anything that is unnatural is wrong.
Contraception prevents and interrupts the natural course of reproduction, and as a animal species, our ultimate natural goal in life, is to carry the human race on to the next generation for us to survive. The same views are applied to Abortion.
Pregnancy and reproduction a very natural thing so it is encouraged to go through with your pregnancy if you ever do conceive. 

Utilitarianism:

Takes on a more understanding and emotional approach, they follow the rule 'The greatest happiness for the greatest number.' Which takes into account everyone in the situation and judges each situation differently to figure out their idea of the best outcome. Opposite to Natural Law, Utilitarianism considers the feelings of the people involved, rather than laying down strict rules.

There are many theories, and each one has their strengths and weaknesses, but if you take them into account, their views and their reasoning, do you begin to look at it in a different perspective? An example...

A couple aged between the ages of 16-20 (the most common ages for young people to become parents). Finished school, and at least one to the parents have a stable job, and are able to provide for the child.
Think about it for two minutes, and come up with the positive and negative points for that situation (in your opinion)

Do the same for this situation...
A couple aged 25+, Living off benefits, not looking for work, barely scraping by in a crappy little house provided by the council, picking up a lot of bad habits (excessive drinking, drugs, violence etc)

There are many young parents who do have their heads screwed on, and many older parents who don't. But also many are the opposite.

My own personal opinion is that ideally people should wait until they've gotten through all the education they want, settled in a happy job, and at an age where they've had their chance to be free and live their young lives etc. But I don't judge anyone who doesn't believe or follow the same views as me. I know a lot of young parents who have a steady job and are happy, and able to provide for their child/children. I think it's a much better situation than the second example. Unfortunately there are families like that, and compared to a couple of 17 year olds, who are very mature and have their heads and lives screwed together, is it always such a bad thing?

There are also a lot of young parents, who are unemployed and are on benefits, and seeking help from the government, and that also has a very negative stigma attached, and while I personally believe for myself that I shouldn't put myself in that situation. There are other things to consider.
Not everyone believes in abortion, and who are we to argue with someone else's conscience? If they found themselves pregnant, and that's what they believed, what can we really say against that?

I can't write every argument for someone wanting to keep their child when society says 'They aren't ready.' But I believe we are too quick to judge people at times, before judging look at their lives, are they doing the right thing in their situation? Are they focusing on what is the most important, their child? If they are, then what do you really have to complain about?

Of course there are the few examples of why teenage pregnancy/young mothers is frowned upon. Girls getting pregnant at ages like 13, or parents that resemble a situation in the second example. People who take advantage of the benefits available, and use them in the wrong way. It is a problem, and I'm not ignoring that. But my argument is about how people are too quick to judge even the good parents, because of their age or situation. Benefits are there to help us when things aren't so easy. There are young parents, living on benefits but actively trying to go out and better their living situation by finding a job, and providing for their children, so they don't have to rely on the benefits etc. But this all seems to be ignored, whenever I hear anything about this topic, it's always the negatives that I hear, and I very rarely hear how well people are doing or even just trying to do right, it would be nice to hear something positive for a change when this subject is brought up.
I know a lot of people who are young parents, and are doing really well for themselves, I do believe people like that should be recognised a little more :).

Anyway, let me know what you guys think, as usual, my email is Shaneyxcakes@gmail.com
My twitter and Facebook like page is linked above.
Also for you guys who have just left school, or looking to higher education or employment, Check out my friends Kim and James blog (life after school) Linked above. As you will remember Kim did a guest post with me on my blog about long distance relationships!

I'm also helping out with my friends band (Painting Stupid), it's my new little project, I'm about to put their facebook link above too, they're currently recording at the moment, but feel free to check it out!

If i snap my fingers... (take two :D)

So a little over a week ago I posted about how guys talk to women, and if you remember I spoke about a website I joined and the response I got from it. I promised you all that I'd try it the other way around and see the response I got from the ladies.

Well. I signed up as a lovely 23 year old called Ben, and my profile picture, like many other guys on that site, was a nice little picture of a penis. But the first thing I noticed after joining up with this website was that to be able to actually do anything like read messages etc, I had to pay to join.

So why was it free to join this website for women and not for men? I assume it's because there are more men that are inclined to join such sites, so to try and get more women to it, they offer the use of the site to them for free. But anyway moving on...

The response 'Ben' got from the women who were interested in him, was to be expected, it was a lot less forward, more subtle, and more pleasant than the messages 'Shaney' got such as 'I have a big thick cock, want it inside you?' and worse...
Ofcourse there were the few women who did respond with messages equivalent to the above, which actually got me wondering,

Guys, a question for you... How would you react to a message saying 'Hey, big boy. Want to play with my tight little pussy?'

I've asked a few guys opinion on this, and I got a mixed response, for the most part my friends didn't think too kindly of it, where as a couple said, 'Well if she's that up for it, and she was hot, then that's fine with me' But I thought it would be interesting to hear everyones general opinion on it :).

I never understood why people spoke like that to the opposite sex, personally I don't find it appealing at all, and judging by other peoples reactions, most people don't either, but there are the select few who do.
Each to their own, it's all a matter of opinion. But should we really be talking to each other like that?
It objectifies us to the other person, as nothing more than a sex toy. In a world where respect is lacking more and more, why should we degrade other people in this way?

If two people are happy talking to each other like that then fair play to them, but personally I feel like I a lot more respect for myself and other people than to talk like that with people. My personal opinion is that I find it disrespectful, but what I really want to know is, what do you think? :)

Let me know, by commenting below, or getting touch via Facebook, or twiiter (linked above) or email me at Shaneyxcakes@gmail.com

Are we really sluts?

Insults seem to be losing their touch recently, they're way too commonly thrown about, it seems no one really likes each other anymore!
Every girl nowadays is a slut! But the truth is most of the people who get called sluts aren't. It takes a lot more now for anyone to be a slut, or a manslag etc today. With sex being thrown at us left, right and centre, and without the expectation of being a virgin until marriage, fact is, people are fucking doing it.
But why is the term slut/slag/whore etc thrown around so much? I have friends who get called a slut or whatever and they've never even gone close to guy like that. Fact is we're all so desperate for insults now, everyone hates on people they don't even know, whether its just to back up a friend who doesn't like them or some other impersonal reason like we've heard rumours about them. People are so childish now a days, and it just shows that people are dissing people they don't know just by how the first thing that comes out of their mouth about them is that they're a slag.
But really what makes someone a slag now a days?
Where I'm from you just have to flirt with the wrong guy to be branded a slag for the next however many months. If you want my opinion, I think it's mainly where your intentions lie that tells if you're a slag or not.

What I saw last friday while I was in my student union was actually kinda of horrible, a girl, who was barely wearing anything as it was, dancing like some kind of stripper with (yes I counted) 8 different guys on the platform through out the night, and participating in acts which are definitely not appropriate to do in the club.
People who put themselves out like that rightly earn that reputation, whether or not they are like that usually or it was just a one off, multiple people in one night, yeah, you're slagging around a bit yeah?
There's nothing particularly wrong with going out, meeting someone and having a one night thing when you're single. It's pretty much socially accepted that every now and again you let your hair down and have some fun. That in my opinion doesn't make anyone a slag, but taking to too many people within a short space of time, yeah, you're giving it away too easy.

We judge people too easily in our society. In the beginning of my description of the girl just above, I commented on the fact she was barely wearing something that covered her, and I used that slightly as an insult. But only to show my point here, most of you reading that wouldn't of thought anything of that. A lot of people judge on the way people dress. A lot of people get judged for wearing shorter things and get called sluts etc. I know a few people who don't cover up so much and they are nothing but a slag or a slut whatever. We're just too quick to give someone a negative label no reason.

People who do like to participate in sexual activities in my opinion isn't automatically a slut. Everyone likes to have a bit of fun every now and again. But it's the people who cheat, and people that knowingly sleep with someone who has a partner etc. People who hurt people through having sex and stuff. I don't have a problem with two single people going about and having fun, they're not hurting anyone so it shouldn't really be that much of a problem should it?
But on the other hand there has to be a limit on what you're doing and how many people you're doing it with. There is such a thing as too much fun, and you can't really go around sleeping with every single person out there. You can have your fun without being a slag, but just don't take it too far. Respect yourselves yeah? :).