Virginity...

A couple of my friends have asked me to write about Virgins in the modern age, and what I thought about it.

I personally don't have any views on it, it's just a case of someone has either had sex or hasn't. But I will be honest. Since moving away from my old town, I was shocked to meet so many people at University who were still virgins. So I got to wondering, is my home town just that corrupt? Or is it to do with the public view on teenagers and sex.

One of the biggest fears for parents is having their child walk in the house one day and telling them they're pregnant/or got someone pregnant. So parents make sure they drill into their kids heads that they know about safe sex and to only do it when they're ready (and more often or not, when they're old enough!) I remember the talk my mum gave me...

Mum: Do you know the most 100% way of not getting pregnant is?
Me: Yes mother......
Mum: Well... what is it?

Me: Don't have sex..
Mum: YES!... Do not have sex!

Is there really any pressure out there to have sex? Or do we just bring it on ourselves? Most of the pressure I do find is from the guys, to themselves or sometimes on to girls. Not all guys mind you, but you do get the select few who always try and worm their way into bed with a girl, and us girls can sometimes be deluded into thinking he'll respect me if I do, or he'll stay with me... Really isn't the case as we figure out as we get a little older, and we end up regretting what we've done and feeling silly.
(As always there's those few exceptions where it does happen to be the other way round, and it's the guys who end up regretting things, and us girls acting like dicks...)

My two friends who asked me to write about this, are both guys, and friends who I love dearly. I'll say to them what I say to anyone, don't have sex unless your ready... simple enough. The same boring stuff that comes out of nearly everyone's mouths...

There is a little banter thrown in direction of people who are still virgins, i used to tease my cousin a little, saying he was cute, but i just liked to wind him up generally :p. Sometimes banter can be unintentionally pressuring people into doing something, just because they don't like the teasing and they want it to stop. You just have to remember that we don't want to pressure you into doing anything, if you feel upset by jokes within your groups of friends, just ask them to stop, explain how you feel, and true friends will respect that.

Two people that I met at uni were virgins when I first met them, one of them was a particular interesting to watch as her views changed throughout the first year of uni.
When I first met her, she seem proud of herself for saving herself for so long, wanting to wait till someone special came along, and good on her! But after a while, she started to think 'I just want it over and done with'
Typical that a couple of months later she meets a good guy, and wishes she'd waited till him.

I know a few people who don't let themselves feel the pressure, and are happy as anything not having sex. I do wish it was the same for younger teenagers who are feeling the pressure. There really is no need to. If you're not ready then don't do it.
Remember this...

-If you feel having sex will improve/strengthen/or create a relationship with someone, then it's not worth doing it. Because more often than not, it won't change a thing.

- No one particulary cares about whether you've had sex or not, and whoever does. Just ask, why should they? It really isn't anything to do with them.

But I want to know what you think, if you are a virgin, do you ever feel pressured?
Or how do you see people who haven't had sex? Do you respect the fact they haven't?

Or do you think sex isn't anything of a big deal any more and 'virginity' is something that doesn't really matter anymore?

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Or as usual you can just comment below :). 

Are our relationships always worth it?

One thing that I see with many couples and relationships is that they spend all their time arguing and being annoyed at each other, and it just makes me think, why are you guys even together?

I know a few people have commented on this, and feel the same way as me, and asked advice on this, the only thing I can say is to just ask yourselves...

Are you happy? Seems like a stupid obvious question. But really think about it, does arguing make you happy? honestly? Too many people turn around and say 'But he/she makes me happy' or that when it's good it's amazing. But are the bad times really worth the good times?

We all get stressed out with our relationships at some point, but a lot of couples bicker and argue almost every day if not every day. Yet still won't leave each other. Everyone deserves so much better than that. If you're getting upset with each other that often then the truth is, you're just not right for each other.
Would you stick around through all that arguing if it was with a friend? Doubtful.

Everyone goes through rough patches, where arguing seems to be constant, this is usually because the trust in the relationship has been broken by one of the partners, You do sometimes get through it, but that's what breaks are for right? To escape that.
Keeping a relationship together so tightly through rough patches like those, only puts more pressure and strain into a relationship.

People are terrified of going on 'breaks' because they feel it is the end of the relationship, and people do use the term 'break' to break up, so it's understandable. But they are good for giving the relationship what it needs to get back on track. It's not rocket science to know that taking the pressure away from a relationship will do it good. Space always helps the relationship calm down, and gives people the chance to get over what is hurting them.

Just a thought :)

The one that got away...

Do you believe in there being the one person who you 'should of been with?'

The one person who was perfect for you but for some reason you could never make it?

It, at some point happens to anyone, the main meaning to the phrase is about the one other 'True love' in your life that you will never truly forget. As happy as you are in your current relationship. Whenever you see that person, you still get those butterflies and always remember...

But we all experience a little part of that with a few people in our lives, when a relationship has recently ended, we often still feel things for that person...

Sometimes when we come into a new relationship, we start to miss the old one...

Are we looking for something better?

Or are we just exploring what we're looking for?

Everyone's different, everyone does it for different reasons, and it can screw a lot of things up, people can screw a perfectly good relationship by acting on these feelings, and some people can get hurt all over again. It's something that never is what it seems, we believe that we miss that person, and my personal opinion is that, it isn't the case.

Some people don't like change, Some people don't like it so much, they try not to let go, they don't want to know any different because they loved what they had so much. People forget that relationships break because they weren't right, and as much as you may have loved it, you can't hold onto something that wasn't going to work...

In some cases though, it is just a case of it wasn't the right time for that relationship. But again, you can't wait around for it to fix itself, if it's going to fix, it will do it itself. Don't assume that relationship will come back together either. Go out and enjoy yourself, don't keep trying to hold and let it get you down.

Too many people make that mistake.

Have you ever had someone that you couldn't forget?

And did you realise why you couldn't forget them?

Personally, I like to believe these people are a lesson and an experience to learn from, because when we've learnt them, we find it so easy to move on with our lives and start to forget them properly.

But being so young, I wouldn't know if there is just a person who you go your whole life always having that thing for? That is literally just someone who you couldn't forget...

As always, I'd love your opinions on this, so Comment below,
And don't forget to like the facebook page (if you haven't already) and follow me on twitter (both links posted above) and share your opinions on today's or any of the topics I've done.

Nothing like a good old traditional life...

Our society has come a long way with it's views on relationships and marriage, For example it's no longer as expected for us to wait until marriage until we move in with our partner, and even to get married at all! But there is still quite a bit of pressure within some groups of people to follow these old traditions. But are they really the right way to go about things?

I love the freedom we have in our relationships today, being able to live with our partners before marriage, and the fact the pressure has been taking off slightly to get married at all! To me, this means we can all make the decisions that are right for us!

Living with your partner before hand (co-habitation) is a great 'trial marriage' you learn a lot more about your partner, and even more importantly, you find out whether you can actually put up with them! A lot of couples break up after only a few months of living with each other. Why? Purely for the reason that they just aren't meant to be. So I really don't understand how people and some parties in the government can argue how co-habitation is really that wrong to our society, people complain about the divorce rate, and how it's going up, and a big part of that is because of this freedom we have with our lives and relationships, the negative stigma attached to divorce barely exists any more, and it just plainly lets people get along with their lives in a much more positive way. Before divorce was accepted into society, a lot of married couples weren't happy, some even lived apart, but stayed married because that was what was expected of them. They weren't happy, and trust me, if they accepted divorce back then, it would of been quite high then.

So just imagine how high the divorce rate would be today, if co-habitation didn't exist.... wow.

Personally, Like a lot of women out there, I'm pretty glad the focus of my life isn't to find a husband and have a family at some crazy young age! I don't think I could handle my mum trying to find me a husband while I'm only 19! I know even in our society the pressure is on when us women start to age around 25, not many of us like the idea of being husband-less and childless at age 30! Women have come so far through history, I can't wait to finish uni and get a job and earn my own way, so I don't have to rely on my husbands income. Especially with the employment crisis today! I'm not relying on a man to provide for me! Haha.

I personally have a lot of things I want to do with my life, and I think society today is great for being able to do that (apart from the employment crisis obviously!). I can do what I dream of doing before settling down and having to deal with the responsibility of having kids and what not. Even when I am married, there's no longer the expectation of becoming a full time housewife, (otherwise my husband would be seriously disappointed with my cleaning skills). I can continue to live my life just as I was before, just with the extra responsibility of putting with a male in your house!

And for those people who don't want to get married, there is still a little bit of pressure for us to do so, especially with the older generation expressing how they believe the important of marriage in our society. But for those people who don't believe in it, they can make that decision freely not to get married if that's what's best for them. The freedom in this is amazing, and we can all make the personal choices, and do what makes us happiest. I really believe this freedom really does benefit our relationships as a whole.

I personally love the idea of marriage, I can't really explain to you why, I guess it's just about the whole putting two people together, and creating that family. But the reality is, you don't need marriage to do that, everything that marriage stands for can be practised in any family, whether a couple is married or not.
For those religious people obviously it has more meaning within it to those non religious. I love the way society is more respectful of peoples decisions, it is more accepted to move in with your partner, and children without getting married and all the other topics I've mentioned today. If a family works and is happier feeling the need not to get married or whatever, then surely that family is better than a dysfunctional family? Some people do get married when they don't want to or aren't ready, and it affects them more emotionally then they thought, and it does break up families, and cause more trouble than what it's worth.
So if people are happy and that family is happy within their decisions, that's great right? Even if it does go against the old traditions.

Too Serious, Too Soon?

Everyone knows that at the beginning of a relationship you tend to have that 'honeymoon period'
where everything is perfect, and you don't know what could possibly go wrong in your relationship
etc etc.

But there are those couples who don't seem to ever leave that stage. The couples who think they'll
be together forever and nothings going to break them up...
Well i'm not saying there's nothing wrong with that, always good to have a little optimism in
your relationship right?

And there are those couples who move in together after say, what? 3 weeks? a stupidly little amount
of time, get engaged after only a couple of weeks and are married in the space of a month?

Each to their own and all that, but when is it acceptable to start making those more serious
decisions and steps into your relationship?

You hear the lovely fairtale stories where a couple will meet, know they're meant to be together
and make those decisions and take those steps in a short amount of time and are still together 50 years
later and all that. Which is sweet as hell, don't get me wrong. But the reality is, many people
are so so wrong when making those decisions so early.

I'm only 19 years old, and i've watched alot of my class mates settle down with their boyfriends
more or less as soon as we finished school at 16, and had kids. All of their relationships fell
apart within the first few months of their babies being born (at the most).
Is this all part of the adolesent obsession to grow up and be adults?
My friends at uni, who are in new relationships talk about how they're talking with their partners
about moving in together when they've finished uni. Which after the 2 years we still have of Uni
is a little more sensible, but their relationship was still in the first couple of months stage.
Are people now a days that desperate to settle down and have their life sorted?

Not that I want to dampen anyone's happiness or anything. I just don't see the rush in getting so settled down so quickly.

I know a girl who was in my younger brothers year at school, by the end of school she had 2 kids. I agree that kids are some of the most amazing things to have in your life, but at an age so young, what else are going to know other than your kids.
I believe people should have other goals in their life, rather than find a boyfriend, settle down and have kids. Even if it is just to go out and enjoy the younger years you have, you won't be able to do so much of it by the time your kids have grown up and you have that freedom again.

What are your views on how long you would personally want to wait till making the decision on
moving in with your partner, marriage, etc.