Rebbie's Dating Adventure... Part 3

So many messages from people asking why I hadn't updated any of you on what was going on in my OkCupid world... That's because nothing much had really been happening... except what I'm about to talk about towards the end...
I did the thing I knew I would do, and that is, struggle to find the time to answer to everyone's messages.. (I started to feel bad when I didn't reply)...
So I started slacking...
The annoying thing with OkCupid is that the site tells people on your profile how often you reply to your messages... so I'm one of these people now who reply 'Selectively' or even 'Very selectively' and if I'm honest, that makes me feel like a bitch. haha. If I could reply to all the messages all the time, I would. I love talking to people, however unfortunately.... I cant!! :(.

I was sat with my housemate, (Also on OkCupid... in fact,  all 3 of my housemates are on there!) and on the quickmatch (Where rate randomly generated profiles) I got all 3 of them on my quick match within a few minutes! It was interesting to see their profiles, especially seen as two of them are together.

Although now, I have registered as an 'A-list' member, which means I get a few extra special magic powers on the site, such as, I can browse peoples profiles without them knowing I did... Finally, that was the one thing about the site that I hated...

And I can finally see, who said they liked me.... so if I find someone on that list that I find interesting... I already know they kinda atleast think the same about me. So yay!.

However there was one guy I was talking to, seemed normal, looked normal, weirdly looked very much like someone I had a fling with once... and I'm not saying he wasn't normal, he was. He just totally didn't look like the type of guy who would be into the stuff he was... He just looked like your average kid, very generic, (my old friend who he looked like was an absolute pussy, so I kinda assumed he would be a little softy too) so we were talking for a fair few weeks... he found my blog and asked my opinion on certain things like escorting etc... then obviously, escorting moved on to sexual desire and then he told me he was into really hardcore domination, and I froze. I'm not someone who likes to talk about their sexual desires, especially over the internet with someone I don't know... So I had spent the whole conversation being like 'erm.. I don't know, you?' Then he just threw me out of the water with this one. I was like daaaamn boy!
It kinda reminded me, not to judge a book by it's cover... everyone has their little kinks, and some people's can be VERY surprising!

One tip for those of you on dating websites etc. This may be a very obvious thing to watch out for, but if someone is straight away saying that 'oh your photo makes me want to do naughty things' 3 guesses what they're all about. I had someone do this to me yesterday. Though his username was something along the lines of 'thepartyanimal' so you really can't be surprised. And the same applies if they ask for your number straight away.
Why would I give my number to some stranger on the internet? That has only sent me 2 messages? Stay safe on the internet kids ! :)

Remember you can always get in touch via
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or email me at :RebbieShaneOfficial@gmail.com

Do we need to have it all to be happy?

What does it take to make a person happy? Are we ever truly happy? One thing I have learnt over the past couple of years is that, there isn't one sole thing that can make any of us happy.

Money can't buy you happiness
A career doesn't give you emotional support
And love doesn't make you feel like you've accomplished anything.

If one of those three things are missing, we become unhappy. We either; Feel alone without love, Feel like we're wasting our lives or we're stressed and angry because we can't pay the bills. To be truly happy do we need to have it all?

A year ago I made the decision to end a relationship because drama connected to home and people around my partner were affecting my grades at university. (If my mum's reading this, she'll be well proud I picked uni over a boy!) But I often think about him, as well as an old friend who made the opposite decision a few months earlier than I made mine. And I wonder how her life is, and how happy she is. I really hope she is happy. But with every big decision you make, you always wonder, what if?

I now have my degree, but I'm living in a city where I have barely any friends, and I'm very much alone here. And as a lot of my friends back home know, I'm finding it rather difficult. So I often wonder if I had been happier making a different decision? My degree will never compensate from having the love of my friends and family around me, but I know if I had made a different decision, I would always regret not finishing my degree, and it would have been the biggest mistake I made.

So, do we really need to have everything to be happy? And sometimes, no matter what we do, can we just not win? Surely not everyone can have it all...

Make peace, and watch the world go round.

Everyone's lives are always moving in one direction or another, but there comes a time, or maybe a few times where we just feel ourselves pause and the world suddenly looks very different.

This usually happens at a time of some kind of shock or trauma, at the death of a close one, or some horrible news like an illness, and we feel alone. Even though everyone is around us and there for us, we are the only person paused in that moment, and we watch everyone's lives carry on without us.

It makes you appreciate and realise a lot of things you would normally dismiss. I've hit the pause button quite a lot recently and I see that things aren't as pretty as I thought.

People come and go from your life all the time, some stay for a brief moment, others can be around for years. It's funny, some people can make such a huge impact on you during their brief moment, but we don't even notice some of the ones that have been around for years. Relationships change, new ones are made and one relationship can distance another, especially when it comes to romantic relationships and friendships. But during these times when we're paused in our own world. Things become clear, and things that we thought were clear turn out to be a lot more complicated than we thought.

In my world, I feel like a lone soldier stood on a hill, looking down at battlefield full of different wars. I see friends fighting in their relationships, and I see people totally focused on working on their careers to the point where anything outside that career is unimportant to them. It's then that I realised, I am only a small part of everyone else's life, if I died tomorrow, people would stop for that moment and remember me, but before long people's lives will start to run normally again, and I'd begin to be forgotten... Maybe never totally, but I wouldn't be a first thought. Not that I want everyone's attention, but at the end of the day, once someone has gone, that's one thing in your life you just can't change. You can't change a relationship with someone who's no longer there, so why do we waste our time fighting with people we love when we don't need to? Sure we all laugh about those fights afterwards, but what if we couldn't?

I have an ex-boyfriend where the relationship (like most people's) caused me a fair amount hurt at one.. or several points in the relationship. It wasn't easy, but after months of anger, hurt, upset... maybe even a little bit of crazy... I didn't get the point in fighting, and we're in a good place. He's not the biggest part of my life, but every time I visit my hometown, me and James hang out, eat pub food and laugh. I'm not saying everyone should be chummy with their ex or people that have wronged us, but if anything happened, I can honestly say I pretty much have no regrets and I'd remember him for all the good things, in fact I barely think about the bad....

If someone once touched your life in a positive way, that's how you should remember them. Don't remember them for their mistakes or their negativity. If anything just use it as a life lesson, and put comfort in the positive memories. None of us want to be remembered for our mistakes or bad deeds, so we should we look at someone else for theirs? Peace is a powerful thing, someone doesn't have to still be a part of your life to make an impact. An old friend of mine passed away around Christmas time, and even though both our lives had moved on from each others and we'd both gone to different uni's and I hadn't actually seen him for 2 years. I realised I didn't always appreciate him fully for what he was. He was the most genuine, caring person along with so many other wonderful traits.

You don't have to continue a relationship with someone, but it's amazing how much comfort you find in just making peace in a situation, even if you then never speak to them again. People forget how powerful that moment is when look at someone and just let go, you find a lot of honesty in those moments, and a lot of the time, there's a lot of love. Whether it's between friends, old lovers, relatives... you never really move on without closure. Next time you see someone you haven't seen in a really long time and you still get that negative feeling, ask yourself why and make peace with it. Because no one looks beautiful bitter.

We are awesome, but yet really crazy people!

'I'm awesome at giving people relationship advice, but I suck at my own relationships...' 

This is something I've seen a lot on my Facebook recently, and we all know it's different to tackle a situation when it's yours to tackle. Especially when it comes down to relationships and friendships, we're so emotionally involved in the situation we make desperate attempts to try and fix them, and a lot of them are usually little things that we've just over thought.

I'm doing it at the moment. I'm moving away from Aberystwyth a week today, and I'm texting all my friends and getting frustrated with them because most of them aren't getting back to me about making plans with them. And I'm starting to feel like a bit of a crazy person. They'll only complain if I don't have time to meet them later on in the week ;). It's a bit mental isn't it, how we can suddenly switch into crazy people and start acting stupid. We feel quite embarrassed afterwards, but at the end of the day, we're only doing it because we care. If we didn't care, our relationships with friends etc, would never work out.

As much as we need to learn not to let ourselves get so worked up by these little things and act in that crazy way, I know a lot of people on that receiving end do sometimes need reminding that when someone has a crazy moment, it's not because they are crazy, they're just feeling a little insecure.

I wouldn't give a shit usually if my friends weren't making plans with me, but it's not as if I'll still be here next week! =p. Total hint there guys!

Young relationships are the worst for this, with hormones flying everywhere, it's so easy for us when we're younger to get worked up, and get over emotional about things. A lot of us, I know look back at our 14/15 year old selves and think, 'How fucking stupid were we?!'  It's perfectly normal. But we learn from all these mistakes, and as we get older, we tend to calm down... if only a little! But helping out a friend in their situation is a lot easier than helping yourself out of a situation.

If you take my example from earlier, I know a lot of us get a little too worked up by a lack of communication, and what do we say to friends that are moaning about someone not calling/texting them back...? 'It's ok, they'll get back to you when they can.' It's so fucking easy when you're not the one waiting to hear from them, where as what's going through your mind when it's you in that situation...?

Stupid things like, 'Oh, but what if they don't text, and I don't text, and.. there's nothing...' oh, and the best female line of; cue moaning voice; 'What if he's going offff meeeee?' Too many people I know talk like that, and it's the most stupid and the most annoying thing in the world.

Want to hear the one I've been saying the past couple of days??

'But if I don't see them, I might never see them again.' I'm saying, Fuck off Rebbie, you're a nobhead. (Yes, to myself). 

The best thing to do when you're feeling insecure and panicky is to distract yourself, grab your friend that pulls you back down to earth and go out and do something. The worst thing you can do is sit alone and think about it... (I've just realised I'm sat alone, on my bed, writing this blogpost... awkward!). Because you'll just over think and think it's a bigger deal than it actually is :).

Still Breaking?

A lot of the advice I get asked for is how to deal with breakups and how to get over someone, everyone has their own way of getting over someone. How do I get over someone? I spend all my  time with my favourite people, and the people who make me laugh the most. To me, laughter is the best medicine for anything. When I'm alone, I watch comedy films and TV. It's unbelievable how much it does take your mind off things, or at least calm you down when you're feeling emotional.

The thing I hear the most when I'm talking to people who have just broken up is, that when they see each other the 'chemistry' is still there, and they go on about how happy they are with them, but 2 minutes earlier they were telling me how upset and angry their partner made them feel, and usually you just want to shake the person, and be like, can you hear yourself?! But everyone goes through the same thing at some point in their lives.

Sometimes break-ups/breaks do make you realise how much you do love that person, and how much you didn't appreciate them, or how you should of appreciated them more. Mostly, we just forget the reason why we broke up with them, and we start to see that person in this wonderful light, oh the curse of rose tinted glasses! That's one phrase that's been thrown at me many times by my friend Hannah recently!

We too easily forget why we've broken up with them, and how we felt, the initial break-up hurts more than the relationship did, so we think we're better off in it. I'm sorry to break it to you all, but you have to work for your happiness in this world. If you're not happy in that relationship, you have to fight through the pain, to achieve any gain! Is that pain in the relationship really worth going back to, when the relationship is good, it's great and it makes you feel amazing... but it doesn't mean for you to feel that you have to go through all the shit that makes you unhappy. Every relationship has shitty stages, but if you're often upset in your relationship, can you honestly say you're truly happy?

Some people have the complete opposite problem, some people, break up over something that they really shouldn't of done, and still want to be with each other, but are too stubborn to open up, because they're terrified of getting hurt. What's even more crazy is that they know both of them feel the same way. Just bloody go for it, swallow your fear, and do a special gesture. Otherwise... if you both keep shut, you won't ever get around to fixing anything.

Breakups are a weird time, they can be the most confusing times, or they can just clarify everything. Sometimes, it's an instant reaction, where some people don't feel it months down the line. Either way, usually,  you shouldn't listen to the first emotion you feel...

It's kinda hard to live without regrets...

Everyone says you shouldn't regret anything, regrets only cause you to be upset and quite often live in the past. Which to be fair is very true, but if there's nothing in life that we regret, what do we really learn from our mistakes?
All the biggest and most important social lessons I've learnt so far come from situations and decisions that have made me cringe like hell looking back on them. The things we tend not to regret are the things we get away with or we don't care too much about, so we end up making the same silly mistakes again.

Regret is a powerful thing, and as much people encourage you not to live your life with regrets, I think they are necessary to us, when it comes to learning life lessons. The trick is, not to allow them to make you think in the past, and of 'what could of been.' But to use them to fuel you to either fix the situation, or to avoid putting yourself in that situation again.

This is something I'm only learning properly now, I've spend the past few months with my head and my dreams back in last year, it's not healthy for you mentally or emotionally. All I know is that I have to take my regrets and try and use them positively, and maybe in the future I'll see it more of a learning curve than a mistake or a regret... and I'll be a little happier! :)

Sometimes when we're stuck in the middle of what to do in a situation, our heart tells us to do one thing, and our head tells us to do the complete opposite. Usually the decision your heart is telling you to do equals risking looking like a giant buffoon, or as silly as the speedo guy at my swimming centre. But at the same time, if you don't make that decision and follow your heart, you know you'll regret not trying. So what are you to do?
Some people say, if you want it enough, nothing will stop you reaching for it, and some say, if you want it enough, the thought of not achieving it or in situations of love and relationships being rejected is enough to scare you out of being honest.
At the end of the day, if you go with your head, there's always going to be some hurt with 'what could of been' but at least if you go with your heart, you actually have the chance of being completely happy. You just have to work out for yourself whether you're happy to risk it.

Memory lane can be quite a funny place.

Who remembers late last year/early this year when I made profile up on dating and 'fuck buddy' sites to do a whole load of research into them and into dating and sex lives themselves.

I received an email earlier this week asking if I still used LocalSlags.com ... I'd never even heard that site before but I knew instantly where he'd got this from.

A lot of sites out there that are there solely for people who sign up and find a 'intimate friend' all share details with each other and share the profiles on their website. So if you sign up to one, you're signed up to them all. I've had enquiries asking why I'm on sexyGILF when I'm on 20 years of age, and some site to do with cougars....

Why don't I take these profiles down? Because I can't. The admins on the site always figured out that I was on there purely to play about and do research for my blog and always cut off my account. Yet, they kept my profile details on all the sites. This is to make men believe that there are plenty of girls out there on this website looking for a quick shag, long term fool-around-er. So they sign up to the site and pay the monthly fee. Now, they do in the small print say that they share their information with other site, but who actually reads the small print on a website? :P

What a lot of people don't realise is that the same profiles are on these weird and not so wonderful sites, so if they sign up to more than one of them, they're paying for the same thing, and that they don't realise is when they sign up to a new site, paying their monthly fee, they actually already have a profile on there...
Yet some people are lucky enough to find what they are looking for, and are happy. However most people unfortunately, get left with nothing and fair few pennies emptied out of their pocket.

As for me, I am doomed to be on the internet forever, a cougar, GILF and local slag. Wonderful!

Here is a photo of how pleased I am over this.... =P

Being comfortable in your own skin

I asked on twitter and facebook, judging from a photo I posted, what the topic of my next blog was... It didn't scream the answer no, and someone even asked if I was pregnant! (I'm not, by the way everyone haha). But one thing I would wish on everyone is that they are comfortable with the person they are, inside and out.
It's a lot easier to be comfortable with yourself on the inside, but most people who have low self esteem are self conscious by how they are physically. One thing I would love is for everyone to be able to look in the mirror and be happy with what they see, or if not happy, at least not sad! Because no one on this planet doesn't look good in my opinion, yeah we all walk around listing the things that look 'horrible' on our bodies, but at the end of the day, what is it really doing apart from making you feel bad?

We all have things we would change about ourselves, even the people who you think are the most beautiful people in the world will look at themselves and be like, I wish that was a little different.
At the end of the day... WHO CARES? The only people who would look at you and judge you on your physical 'imperfections' are the people who aren't worth your time in the slightest!

I have a couple of friends who are currently working on the things they don't like, exercise, healthy eating, and are getting excited and are really happy with the progress they're making. They've turned something they used to see negatively into a positive thing, and making themselves happier. Not that I think any of them were any less than beautiful anyway. But the fact is, even though they weren't happy, they now look at themselves and see how healthy they are, and the progress they're making, and that makes them happy.

I just hate seeing people obsess with their imperfections, exercise and eat healthier for your health, not to make yourself look any different to what you look like.
Who cares if you have a tummy, big nose, funny looking ears, only one eye... If you were to look in the mirror now, and even if you did only have one eye, look into it and see how beautiful it is, because the people that love you are the ones that will see that. Not think about the one that's missing.

I've gone from being one of the skinniest to my friends and over the past few years I'm now one of the biggest, I'm a size 12 and that many stone, but on a girl who's only 5"3, it doesn't sit so right and I don't always feel great about it... but my friends never once said a thing to me, never once commented on it, because they didn't see it. And if I can be happy with my life and my friends and just doing what I want to do in life. Who the fuck cares if I have a tummy that people mistake for a baby! haha. And everyone else should be saying the same thing, because I think you're all amazing and beautiful :)

Safe, explicit materials.

After my blog about selling explicit materials online, I received a number of emails asking for advice on how to take 'safe, explicit materials' either for selling or just sending to boyfriends/girlfriends.
If you do decide to take explicit materials of yourselves, for any purpose this is my advice to you!

1) Keep your face out of the photos


Especially if you're planning on sending photos/videos etc to a boyfriend/girlfriend that you wouldn't want anyone to see. Too many times people send out photo's to other people of their ex partners as some kind of petty revenge, which leads to extreme embarrassment and hurt to the ex-partner. At least if you keep your face out of the material, you can deny it being you!

2) Have an unrecognisable background to the material!


This is something a lot of people don't consider, if you don't want people to recognise you, it doesn't matter if you cut your face out of the photo, if your background is recognisable (Eg; if your bedroom walls, bed pillows etc are obvious in the photos) again it will link to you, and again you wouldn't be able to deny it being you in the material!

3) Only take materials that you're comfortable doing

I know people who take materials for money, and one thing they always get are people who are wanting things they're not comfortable with doing. If this is the case then just don't do it. Forget about the pressure, because if you don't want to do it, you're only going to feel shit about yourself for doing it after. And that isn't worth it!
This is also if you're just sending materials for fun, make sure it stays fun!

4) Send photos to people you know you can trust!


If you are sending photos out for fun, make sure you know you can trust the person. (OK, fair enough our judgement in this isn't always right) But if you're sending materials to someone who has a history of sending peoples photos etc to other people, then obviously, it would be a pretty stupid idea to send them to them!

Also, someone to watch out for, is someone who likes the banter, this applies to both boys and girls, no matter you're gender, people like to gossip, if you're texting someone and sending them materials, there's a big chance they're with the friends, and they're showing off the fact you're willing to send these materials to them. ESPECIALLY WHEN THEY'RE DRINKING, OR OUT WITH FRIENDS.

Best time to send photos is when they're on their own at home, and just a little lonely ;).

5) Have fun with it!


Speaks for itself really!

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Email me: Shaneyxcakes@gmail.com
And if you have anything to say, you can always comment below!

Chances that are worth giving....

Another reason people get into the wrong relationships is that they give their trust to the wrong people.
People who have a reputation of messing people around/sleeping around/acting like tools etc. You know the people. And as people get to know and grow to like these people, despite knowing their reputation, still give them the benefit of the doubt.
Don't get me wrong, I'm the number one fan of giving people chances and the benefit of the doubt when you haven't known them during their past. But you should always keep your guard up with people like this.

People claim all the time that they have changed etc, and some people do, and everything is lovely. Unfortunately there are people who thrust that line on people to get them where they want to be, and to discard the 'rumours' and 'warnings' other people throw around.

I would never tell anyone in these situations to not give them the chance at all, but with people who have a dodgy reputation, it would be stupid to let yourself fall in too deeply. Understandable right?

But what really gets on my tits is that when people meet someone, and hear of these reputations they have from friends, and even people they don't know, and just discard them completely. Fair enough you want to give this person a chance, but you really have to tread carefully, because if you do discard these rumours and warnings that your friends are giving- honestly just to look out for you. And then these true colours show and you get hurt, and start crying to your friends, you really are going to look like a prize idiot.

However if you are take into account what your friends are warning you against and tread carefully- yet unfortunately still get hurt, you don't look so much like a fool.
It's in a lot of our nature to give people a chance and want things to work out, there's nothing wrong with that.
But one thing you need to remember is that you need to be realistic in what could happen.

Look at the person you're starting see, and look at his reputation, the chances are it came from somewhere, and if it's in the past, and he claims he's changed, then it's up to you whether you give this person the chance or not.
You can't always be right about the people you start your relationships with, but you do need to be realistic about the chances of this person hurting you.
Too many people are too trusting, or too delusional about the people they like. You need to keep a sensible head on it, and good luck in your relationships!