Are our relationships always worth it?

One thing that I see with many couples and relationships is that they spend all their time arguing and being annoyed at each other, and it just makes me think, why are you guys even together?

I know a few people have commented on this, and feel the same way as me, and asked advice on this, the only thing I can say is to just ask yourselves...

Are you happy? Seems like a stupid obvious question. But really think about it, does arguing make you happy? honestly? Too many people turn around and say 'But he/she makes me happy' or that when it's good it's amazing. But are the bad times really worth the good times?

We all get stressed out with our relationships at some point, but a lot of couples bicker and argue almost every day if not every day. Yet still won't leave each other. Everyone deserves so much better than that. If you're getting upset with each other that often then the truth is, you're just not right for each other.
Would you stick around through all that arguing if it was with a friend? Doubtful.

Everyone goes through rough patches, where arguing seems to be constant, this is usually because the trust in the relationship has been broken by one of the partners, You do sometimes get through it, but that's what breaks are for right? To escape that.
Keeping a relationship together so tightly through rough patches like those, only puts more pressure and strain into a relationship.

People are terrified of going on 'breaks' because they feel it is the end of the relationship, and people do use the term 'break' to break up, so it's understandable. But they are good for giving the relationship what it needs to get back on track. It's not rocket science to know that taking the pressure away from a relationship will do it good. Space always helps the relationship calm down, and gives people the chance to get over what is hurting them.

Just a thought :)

Teenage Parents

Becoming a parent at a young age is quite common in today's society. A couple of weeks ago I touched on this in a post, arguing the negative of growing up too fast, and the risk of wasting young life. But I wanted to touch on this at a more positive side.. Is the stigma too negative towards young parents?

A lot of ethical theories have their opinion on pregnancy, abortion and contraception and I do believe that this is really important when applying young parents in your own ethical opinions. For example;

 Natural Law:

The most used ethical theory in  the bracket of Christian Ethics (as the majority of Christians are Roman Catholics). They have a very firm belief that the natural way is the morally right way of going about things, anything that is unnatural is wrong.
Contraception prevents and interrupts the natural course of reproduction, and as a animal species, our ultimate natural goal in life, is to carry the human race on to the next generation for us to survive. The same views are applied to Abortion.
Pregnancy and reproduction a very natural thing so it is encouraged to go through with your pregnancy if you ever do conceive. 

Utilitarianism:

Takes on a more understanding and emotional approach, they follow the rule 'The greatest happiness for the greatest number.' Which takes into account everyone in the situation and judges each situation differently to figure out their idea of the best outcome. Opposite to Natural Law, Utilitarianism considers the feelings of the people involved, rather than laying down strict rules.

There are many theories, and each one has their strengths and weaknesses, but if you take them into account, their views and their reasoning, do you begin to look at it in a different perspective? An example...

A couple aged between the ages of 16-20 (the most common ages for young people to become parents). Finished school, and at least one to the parents have a stable job, and are able to provide for the child.
Think about it for two minutes, and come up with the positive and negative points for that situation (in your opinion)

Do the same for this situation...
A couple aged 25+, Living off benefits, not looking for work, barely scraping by in a crappy little house provided by the council, picking up a lot of bad habits (excessive drinking, drugs, violence etc)

There are many young parents who do have their heads screwed on, and many older parents who don't. But also many are the opposite.

My own personal opinion is that ideally people should wait until they've gotten through all the education they want, settled in a happy job, and at an age where they've had their chance to be free and live their young lives etc. But I don't judge anyone who doesn't believe or follow the same views as me. I know a lot of young parents who have a steady job and are happy, and able to provide for their child/children. I think it's a much better situation than the second example. Unfortunately there are families like that, and compared to a couple of 17 year olds, who are very mature and have their heads and lives screwed together, is it always such a bad thing?

There are also a lot of young parents, who are unemployed and are on benefits, and seeking help from the government, and that also has a very negative stigma attached, and while I personally believe for myself that I shouldn't put myself in that situation. There are other things to consider.
Not everyone believes in abortion, and who are we to argue with someone else's conscience? If they found themselves pregnant, and that's what they believed, what can we really say against that?

I can't write every argument for someone wanting to keep their child when society says 'They aren't ready.' But I believe we are too quick to judge people at times, before judging look at their lives, are they doing the right thing in their situation? Are they focusing on what is the most important, their child? If they are, then what do you really have to complain about?

Of course there are the few examples of why teenage pregnancy/young mothers is frowned upon. Girls getting pregnant at ages like 13, or parents that resemble a situation in the second example. People who take advantage of the benefits available, and use them in the wrong way. It is a problem, and I'm not ignoring that. But my argument is about how people are too quick to judge even the good parents, because of their age or situation. Benefits are there to help us when things aren't so easy. There are young parents, living on benefits but actively trying to go out and better their living situation by finding a job, and providing for their children, so they don't have to rely on the benefits etc. But this all seems to be ignored, whenever I hear anything about this topic, it's always the negatives that I hear, and I very rarely hear how well people are doing or even just trying to do right, it would be nice to hear something positive for a change when this subject is brought up.
I know a lot of people who are young parents, and are doing really well for themselves, I do believe people like that should be recognised a little more :).

Anyway, let me know what you guys think, as usual, my email is Shaneyxcakes@gmail.com
My twitter and Facebook like page is linked above.
Also for you guys who have just left school, or looking to higher education or employment, Check out my friends Kim and James blog (life after school) Linked above. As you will remember Kim did a guest post with me on my blog about long distance relationships!

I'm also helping out with my friends band (Painting Stupid), it's my new little project, I'm about to put their facebook link above too, they're currently recording at the moment, but feel free to check it out!

Nothing like a good old traditional life...

Our society has come a long way with it's views on relationships and marriage, For example it's no longer as expected for us to wait until marriage until we move in with our partner, and even to get married at all! But there is still quite a bit of pressure within some groups of people to follow these old traditions. But are they really the right way to go about things?

I love the freedom we have in our relationships today, being able to live with our partners before marriage, and the fact the pressure has been taking off slightly to get married at all! To me, this means we can all make the decisions that are right for us!

Living with your partner before hand (co-habitation) is a great 'trial marriage' you learn a lot more about your partner, and even more importantly, you find out whether you can actually put up with them! A lot of couples break up after only a few months of living with each other. Why? Purely for the reason that they just aren't meant to be. So I really don't understand how people and some parties in the government can argue how co-habitation is really that wrong to our society, people complain about the divorce rate, and how it's going up, and a big part of that is because of this freedom we have with our lives and relationships, the negative stigma attached to divorce barely exists any more, and it just plainly lets people get along with their lives in a much more positive way. Before divorce was accepted into society, a lot of married couples weren't happy, some even lived apart, but stayed married because that was what was expected of them. They weren't happy, and trust me, if they accepted divorce back then, it would of been quite high then.

So just imagine how high the divorce rate would be today, if co-habitation didn't exist.... wow.

Personally, Like a lot of women out there, I'm pretty glad the focus of my life isn't to find a husband and have a family at some crazy young age! I don't think I could handle my mum trying to find me a husband while I'm only 19! I know even in our society the pressure is on when us women start to age around 25, not many of us like the idea of being husband-less and childless at age 30! Women have come so far through history, I can't wait to finish uni and get a job and earn my own way, so I don't have to rely on my husbands income. Especially with the employment crisis today! I'm not relying on a man to provide for me! Haha.

I personally have a lot of things I want to do with my life, and I think society today is great for being able to do that (apart from the employment crisis obviously!). I can do what I dream of doing before settling down and having to deal with the responsibility of having kids and what not. Even when I am married, there's no longer the expectation of becoming a full time housewife, (otherwise my husband would be seriously disappointed with my cleaning skills). I can continue to live my life just as I was before, just with the extra responsibility of putting with a male in your house!

And for those people who don't want to get married, there is still a little bit of pressure for us to do so, especially with the older generation expressing how they believe the important of marriage in our society. But for those people who don't believe in it, they can make that decision freely not to get married if that's what's best for them. The freedom in this is amazing, and we can all make the personal choices, and do what makes us happiest. I really believe this freedom really does benefit our relationships as a whole.

I personally love the idea of marriage, I can't really explain to you why, I guess it's just about the whole putting two people together, and creating that family. But the reality is, you don't need marriage to do that, everything that marriage stands for can be practised in any family, whether a couple is married or not.
For those religious people obviously it has more meaning within it to those non religious. I love the way society is more respectful of peoples decisions, it is more accepted to move in with your partner, and children without getting married and all the other topics I've mentioned today. If a family works and is happier feeling the need not to get married or whatever, then surely that family is better than a dysfunctional family? Some people do get married when they don't want to or aren't ready, and it affects them more emotionally then they thought, and it does break up families, and cause more trouble than what it's worth.
So if people are happy and that family is happy within their decisions, that's great right? Even if it does go against the old traditions.