Makeup

As people have seen on my Facebook/Twitter, earlier today I created a poll to see how guys preferred their girls, with or without makeup.

Here is a picture of me taken as I'm writing this, as you can see I have NO makeup on, and a horrible spot on the top of my nose! haha.

And don't even get started on the hair on top of my head!

What do you think to girls who don't wear makeup, personally looking at that picture, i'm pretty damn scared that that's what I look like. But I figure nearly every girl who see's themselves this way. I'm someone who believe that everyone is beautiful no matter what. I personally think that the whole make-up obsession with girls is a little OTT. 

We don't need to wear make-up everyday, and I personally don't understand how people can never go out the house without make-up on. We should all be comfortable with our natural beauty. I wish more people could be more comfortable with how they look. There are millions of people out there, guys, girls who have all these issues about themselves, and I feel sorry for them for the pressure that they feel to be perfect. But noone is perfect, to be human, to be imperfect is to be perfect. We need flaws to be who we are.

But come on guys and girls, it your turn to say something. If you could say something to a girl, a friend, or anyone who's unhappy/paranoid or negative about their appearance say it here in a comment, let me know and let others know how you see us girls.

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Fetish's in society?

Fetish's are often the victim of very strong opinions, either positive or negative.
Do you have a fetish?

Certain things/fetish's can make people feel uncomfortable, especially if displayed in public. However some people discard some of these fetish's as 'Disgusting' and 'Shouldn't be practised' But how should we look at fetish's?

I have been going undercover again finding out what people's fetish's are, they've ranged from something small and everyday like having their neck tickled, to more extreme such as wanting photographic evidence of me making 'ass stains' in my underwear.

Everyone has a limit of what is 'Too far' for them, but should these fetish's really be named as 'Disgusting,' 'Unnatural' Or 'Shouldn't be practised.' Fair enough some fetish's can very adventurous, and very out of the ordinary. But these are people's preferences, and are the most part done in the privacy of their own homes.

However, the outrage mainly comes from where it is plastered over the internet. Sometimes poorly placed adverts are found on the internet, where it can crop up to users who aren't interested in that particular fetish. Though mainly, online it's in it's own private websites where people who are interested in it can come together, a bit like dating websites!

But just because we're not into some of the more adventurous things? Should they really be condemned like they are? I'm not a fan of anything that involves my ass, or what comes out of it, but if people are into that kind of thing it's their business. When talking about it, i'll politely say that I'm not into that sort of thing.... I think it would be great if more people did the same.

I think bad stigma that people attach to fetish's, it's a little unfair, not only are you criticising a part of someone's life, you also pressure other people into thinking they're wrong in enjoying that particular thing.
I'm not a big fetish girl, I'm not amazingly adventurous when it comes to this type of thing, but should we really judge people?

What really is wrong with someone practising a fetish in the privacy of their own home? Or signing up to a related website?
It's very much like criticising vegetarian's for not eating meat because it's 'Unnatural' as we were originally meat eaters as well....

However some fetish's are banned/illegal.... Which fetish's do you think are wrongly condemned?
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Virginity...

A couple of my friends have asked me to write about Virgins in the modern age, and what I thought about it.

I personally don't have any views on it, it's just a case of someone has either had sex or hasn't. But I will be honest. Since moving away from my old town, I was shocked to meet so many people at University who were still virgins. So I got to wondering, is my home town just that corrupt? Or is it to do with the public view on teenagers and sex.

One of the biggest fears for parents is having their child walk in the house one day and telling them they're pregnant/or got someone pregnant. So parents make sure they drill into their kids heads that they know about safe sex and to only do it when they're ready (and more often or not, when they're old enough!) I remember the talk my mum gave me...

Mum: Do you know the most 100% way of not getting pregnant is?
Me: Yes mother......
Mum: Well... what is it?

Me: Don't have sex..
Mum: YES!... Do not have sex!

Is there really any pressure out there to have sex? Or do we just bring it on ourselves? Most of the pressure I do find is from the guys, to themselves or sometimes on to girls. Not all guys mind you, but you do get the select few who always try and worm their way into bed with a girl, and us girls can sometimes be deluded into thinking he'll respect me if I do, or he'll stay with me... Really isn't the case as we figure out as we get a little older, and we end up regretting what we've done and feeling silly.
(As always there's those few exceptions where it does happen to be the other way round, and it's the guys who end up regretting things, and us girls acting like dicks...)

My two friends who asked me to write about this, are both guys, and friends who I love dearly. I'll say to them what I say to anyone, don't have sex unless your ready... simple enough. The same boring stuff that comes out of nearly everyone's mouths...

There is a little banter thrown in direction of people who are still virgins, i used to tease my cousin a little, saying he was cute, but i just liked to wind him up generally :p. Sometimes banter can be unintentionally pressuring people into doing something, just because they don't like the teasing and they want it to stop. You just have to remember that we don't want to pressure you into doing anything, if you feel upset by jokes within your groups of friends, just ask them to stop, explain how you feel, and true friends will respect that.

Two people that I met at uni were virgins when I first met them, one of them was a particular interesting to watch as her views changed throughout the first year of uni.
When I first met her, she seem proud of herself for saving herself for so long, wanting to wait till someone special came along, and good on her! But after a while, she started to think 'I just want it over and done with'
Typical that a couple of months later she meets a good guy, and wishes she'd waited till him.

I know a few people who don't let themselves feel the pressure, and are happy as anything not having sex. I do wish it was the same for younger teenagers who are feeling the pressure. There really is no need to. If you're not ready then don't do it.
Remember this...

-If you feel having sex will improve/strengthen/or create a relationship with someone, then it's not worth doing it. Because more often than not, it won't change a thing.

- No one particulary cares about whether you've had sex or not, and whoever does. Just ask, why should they? It really isn't anything to do with them.

But I want to know what you think, if you are a virgin, do you ever feel pressured?
Or how do you see people who haven't had sex? Do you respect the fact they haven't?

Or do you think sex isn't anything of a big deal any more and 'virginity' is something that doesn't really matter anymore?

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Or as usual you can just comment below :). 

Are our relationships always worth it?

One thing that I see with many couples and relationships is that they spend all their time arguing and being annoyed at each other, and it just makes me think, why are you guys even together?

I know a few people have commented on this, and feel the same way as me, and asked advice on this, the only thing I can say is to just ask yourselves...

Are you happy? Seems like a stupid obvious question. But really think about it, does arguing make you happy? honestly? Too many people turn around and say 'But he/she makes me happy' or that when it's good it's amazing. But are the bad times really worth the good times?

We all get stressed out with our relationships at some point, but a lot of couples bicker and argue almost every day if not every day. Yet still won't leave each other. Everyone deserves so much better than that. If you're getting upset with each other that often then the truth is, you're just not right for each other.
Would you stick around through all that arguing if it was with a friend? Doubtful.

Everyone goes through rough patches, where arguing seems to be constant, this is usually because the trust in the relationship has been broken by one of the partners, You do sometimes get through it, but that's what breaks are for right? To escape that.
Keeping a relationship together so tightly through rough patches like those, only puts more pressure and strain into a relationship.

People are terrified of going on 'breaks' because they feel it is the end of the relationship, and people do use the term 'break' to break up, so it's understandable. But they are good for giving the relationship what it needs to get back on track. It's not rocket science to know that taking the pressure away from a relationship will do it good. Space always helps the relationship calm down, and gives people the chance to get over what is hurting them.

Just a thought :)

Are our friends too clingy?

One thing I've had a few emails about recently is how friendships are affected when relationships with other people come into the picture.
I've had a few emails off people asking for advice and what to do when they feel their friendships are slowly changing as their friends or even themselves have become involved in a relationship.
These kinds of situations happen to everyone at least once, and more often than not the situations can get a little messy.

'Hi Rebbie,
Me and my friend have been best friends all the way through school, but recently, she's started seeing this guy. We all like him, and he's great fun to be around. But we never see her any more. Everyone in our group of friends try to invite her out when we do stuff and hang out, but she never comes out, and spends all of her time with him. This has been going on for a few weeks now, and one of our friends tried talking to her, and asked if we were all still friends to her, and why she hadn't seen us any more, and she just got really angry. Her boyfriend isn't helping either, we all got along with him great, but now he thinks we're all jealous of them cuz none of us are in relationships and we're just being clingy. I don't know what we can do, because everytime we try to talk to her about it, she just gets angry.'

Unfortunately these kinds of things do happen to everyone, I was just sat with my friend not so long ago today, and she was explaining to me how her and her friends haven't seen one of their friends since she got with her girlfiriend, it's an all too common situation and unfortunately it messes with friendships that are years old.
The best thing I feel you can do now, is not to pressure them into seeing you. I've made that mistake before, it's natural for us to want to fight for our friendships, but as you've said your friend isn't having any of it. If the  reaction to you and your friends wanting to spend time with this girl, and wondering why she isn't seeing you anymore, then there really is no point in pushing her any further. It will only result in more arguments and your friendships being destroyed completely by the arguments.
As for the boyfriend saying that you guys are all jealous, regardless of whether you guys are or not, it isn't the approach he should be taking towards the situation. It's only going to cause more bitterness between you and your friend, because your friend will then believe you can't be happier for her, which from what you said really isn't the case. Her boyfriend should understand that you've had a relationship with your friend all the way through school, and therefore it's an important relationship in his girlfriends life. Surely he'd want his girlfriend to have her friends around her? Even if he didn't personally like you guys, his girlfriend clearly liked you guys enough to spend however many years close with you guys and at the end of the day, that is what matters.
I'd always try and convince my boyfriend to not argue with his friends, friends are one of the most important things in life, what is life without friends? It seems very inconsiderate to influence and push someone's friendships into breaking even more...
Either way, by the sounds of it, there isn't really anything you can do to improve the situation. Your friend doesn't seem too interested for the moment to keep things the way they were, and is really defensive when you do try. My advice would be to prevent any more arguments is to, not bring up the situation and ask about it because it's clearly leading to negative reactions.

Take it as a friendship drifting away, which I know isn't the outcome that you want, but from what you've told me and my experiences with me and my friends that have gone through this, is that unless things change drastically or that they break up, I don't feel you'll be spending time with your friend like you used to. Unfortunately some people lose sight in the importance of friends when they're in a relationship. I've known many people to go down that path, and there'll always be people who do.
They don't always realise what they're doing, and it's a massive shame to let a friendship go. But what you and your friends need to decide now, and where you'll stand with this friend of yours, if anything happened and your friend came running back to you guys, would you be there for her as a friend? Or would you take the 'we're not going to be around only when it suits you approach?' Do you really want to be friends with someone who would ditch you when a new partner comes into the picture? But do you really want to let go of this friend?

What I thought was interesting, was that the boyfriend said you guys were 'too clingy' and it got me wondering, are us friends too clingy when our friends take on other priorities in their lives? Are we expecting too much to want to keep the same friendships when new relationships come into the picture. Trying to see it from the other perspective, where should the line be drawn between, seeing friends, seeing partners, work/school, family etc.

What is more important to you? Friends, Family, Relationships, work, or trying to keep the balance between  them all. Personally I like the balance I have now, I spend a lot of time with friends, my brother, and when I can, my boyfriend, and still have time to get on with work, write this blog, and have time for myself.
But not everyone is the same as me, people prioritise things differently, and this is what I want to hear from you guys.
What do you prioritise? And do you feel friends can be clingy when it comes to keeping hold of friendships? If so, where's the line for you? Everyone's different and it's all a matter of opinion, I'm just curious too see what you guys think...

So either comment below, Follow me on twitter or facebook (Links above) or email me at Shaneyxcakes@gmail.com

Pressure...

Everyone gets the feeling of being under pressure right? We've all done things because we've felt pressured to do it by ours friends and what not.
So what to do when we are feeling pressured?

We get pressured into doing all kinds of silly things, you have the obvious, don't have sex until you're ready and don't get yourself into doing drugs just because you're friends are doing it, but you all know that stuff.

But what about with the less serious things? Is it always that easy to notice to when we're being put under pressure with the smaller things?

Pressure in everyday life

We put people under pressure every day without even realising it, and it started when we were really quite young, who remembers the days of when 'Awww, i'll be your best friend' was the biggest bribe anyone could offer to you?

We ask the littlest of things of people, and when they aren't wanting to do it, we do the whole 'pleeeeease' and 'go on', what we don't always realise is that we're adding pressure to our requests, sometimes we do, and sometimes it is just a habit we have. We put pressure onto everything, if we haven't seen a friend in a while, just by asking 'we haven't seen you in ages.' There's a little something inside that tells us we should probably go see that person at some point, even if it goes away almost instantly, or we don't actually want to see that person. We react to everything that gets said to us and we are influenced all the time.

We can never avoid being pressured into things, just like we can never fully not pressure people when asking something or saying something to them. It's a weird circle that comes with human nature.

I have a friend who always wants everything done her way, and her very forward personality always puts me under pressure. She involves herself in anything she wants, which don't get me wrong, i do love her, but sometimes she is a little forward and it does make me feel a little pressured to go along with her, even when i really don't want to.

But you should never put yourself in a petty situation that puts you under pressure, you need to know when there is 'unnecessary pressure' and pressure that you just have to face, and petty little everyday situations like the ones I’ve briefly mentioned, you should avoid, and just stand up and say, 'No i don't want to.' But there are situations we can never avoid, such as deadlines etc, and situations where we shouldn't avoid, even if it does put us under pressure, for example when you've put yourself in the wrong and need to sort things out with people. This is what you have to work out.

Pressure in conflicts

Too many people avoid a pressured situation after a conflict, and has anyone ever noticed it always been when they are in the wrong, or have no point to stand on?
In those situations when we are in the right, we don't run away from the conflict, we're always strong standing and ready to take whatever's coming because we know that we're going to come back at whatever gets thrown at us.

It takes a lot of courage to stand up to people who you've been in the wrong to, and apologising, admitting that you're wrong. Whereas most people lose their temper, or storm off, or even try to blame the people on the other side, but the most common ones are the lines 'You have no idea how I’m feeling,' or, 'You don't know what's going on in my life' to try and justify their side of things.

These situations will never go away, no matter how hard you try and avoid them, if you don't face up to it, and ignore it, you won't fix it.

It's all because of pressure, whether it's to do something we don't want to do, or a conflict etc. Pressure is everywhere. You just need to realise what situations are the ones you actually need fight head on, and which ones you should take yourself out of because they are unnecessary.
Too many people claim pressured situations as things that we need to remove ourselves out of, when in reality they're just being cowards.

I want to hear, as usual what you guys think, so leave a comment below, or get in touch on facebook/twitter (links above). Or alternately email me at Shaneyxcakes@gmail.com