How do you know if it's just sex?

When we start a sexual relationship with someone, one of the quickest misunderstandings we come to is the other person's intentions towards you. You learn pretty quickly in life, that a lot of the people, quite a lot of the time are just looking for something casual. I  get emailed a lot by people explaining their situations and asking whether it sounds like they're just after sex/something casual or a relationship.... so here are a few points to consider, which I believe are the most obvious ways of knowing that you're in a casual/just sex based relationship.

1) You never leave the bedroom: One of the obvious ones. If you guys are always in the bedroom... and I don't mean you go screwing outside, that really doesn't count. If your relationship is just in bed, no drinks, no movies, no nights out. You're 'relationship' isn't going anywhere...

2) You don't talk about future plans: A little similar to number one, but if you don't even make plans to go out and do anything else, then this person isn't interesting in anything emotional. If you say 'we should go see a film this week' and the next time you meet up... it's in your bedroom or his. You're stuck in a non-relationship.

3) They aren't telling their friends: If no one really knows apart from your friends that you're screwing this person... yeah, they aren't that bothered.

4) They act different towards you in public: I don't mean that they're not overly affectionate, because some people just aren't like that in public. But if they don't hold your hand, or only hold your hand down the quieter streets. Also if they change the way they speak to you, if they aren't so familiar with you in their conversation or tone, they're trying not to arouse any suspicion. 

5) Their text frequency: Everyone knows when you're into someone, you text them more than you would anyone else. If they only reply to say... half your conversation starters or you only have short conversations. They aren't that bothered. If you find yourself finding a reason to text them, in order for them to text you back a lot of the time... then you've been suckered.

There are so many more reasons as to how you can figure out if the person you're dating is in fact dating or not dating you too. But these in my opinion are the biggest and most obvious. If you have any questions, or anything, as always feel free to contact me either by:

Emailing me at: RebbieShaneOfficial@gmail.com
Liking us on Facebook: Rebbie-Shane
Following us on Twitter: @Rebbie_Shane

Make peace, and watch the world go round.

Everyone's lives are always moving in one direction or another, but there comes a time, or maybe a few times where we just feel ourselves pause and the world suddenly looks very different.

This usually happens at a time of some kind of shock or trauma, at the death of a close one, or some horrible news like an illness, and we feel alone. Even though everyone is around us and there for us, we are the only person paused in that moment, and we watch everyone's lives carry on without us.

It makes you appreciate and realise a lot of things you would normally dismiss. I've hit the pause button quite a lot recently and I see that things aren't as pretty as I thought.

People come and go from your life all the time, some stay for a brief moment, others can be around for years. It's funny, some people can make such a huge impact on you during their brief moment, but we don't even notice some of the ones that have been around for years. Relationships change, new ones are made and one relationship can distance another, especially when it comes to romantic relationships and friendships. But during these times when we're paused in our own world. Things become clear, and things that we thought were clear turn out to be a lot more complicated than we thought.

In my world, I feel like a lone soldier stood on a hill, looking down at battlefield full of different wars. I see friends fighting in their relationships, and I see people totally focused on working on their careers to the point where anything outside that career is unimportant to them. It's then that I realised, I am only a small part of everyone else's life, if I died tomorrow, people would stop for that moment and remember me, but before long people's lives will start to run normally again, and I'd begin to be forgotten... Maybe never totally, but I wouldn't be a first thought. Not that I want everyone's attention, but at the end of the day, once someone has gone, that's one thing in your life you just can't change. You can't change a relationship with someone who's no longer there, so why do we waste our time fighting with people we love when we don't need to? Sure we all laugh about those fights afterwards, but what if we couldn't?

I have an ex-boyfriend where the relationship (like most people's) caused me a fair amount hurt at one.. or several points in the relationship. It wasn't easy, but after months of anger, hurt, upset... maybe even a little bit of crazy... I didn't get the point in fighting, and we're in a good place. He's not the biggest part of my life, but every time I visit my hometown, me and James hang out, eat pub food and laugh. I'm not saying everyone should be chummy with their ex or people that have wronged us, but if anything happened, I can honestly say I pretty much have no regrets and I'd remember him for all the good things, in fact I barely think about the bad....

If someone once touched your life in a positive way, that's how you should remember them. Don't remember them for their mistakes or their negativity. If anything just use it as a life lesson, and put comfort in the positive memories. None of us want to be remembered for our mistakes or bad deeds, so we should we look at someone else for theirs? Peace is a powerful thing, someone doesn't have to still be a part of your life to make an impact. An old friend of mine passed away around Christmas time, and even though both our lives had moved on from each others and we'd both gone to different uni's and I hadn't actually seen him for 2 years. I realised I didn't always appreciate him fully for what he was. He was the most genuine, caring person along with so many other wonderful traits.

You don't have to continue a relationship with someone, but it's amazing how much comfort you find in just making peace in a situation, even if you then never speak to them again. People forget how powerful that moment is when look at someone and just let go, you find a lot of honesty in those moments, and a lot of the time, there's a lot of love. Whether it's between friends, old lovers, relatives... you never really move on without closure. Next time you see someone you haven't seen in a really long time and you still get that negative feeling, ask yourself why and make peace with it. Because no one looks beautiful bitter.