How do you know if it's just sex?

When we start a sexual relationship with someone, one of the quickest misunderstandings we come to is the other person's intentions towards you. You learn pretty quickly in life, that a lot of the people, quite a lot of the time are just looking for something casual. I  get emailed a lot by people explaining their situations and asking whether it sounds like they're just after sex/something casual or a relationship.... so here are a few points to consider, which I believe are the most obvious ways of knowing that you're in a casual/just sex based relationship.

1) You never leave the bedroom: One of the obvious ones. If you guys are always in the bedroom... and I don't mean you go screwing outside, that really doesn't count. If your relationship is just in bed, no drinks, no movies, no nights out. You're 'relationship' isn't going anywhere...

2) You don't talk about future plans: A little similar to number one, but if you don't even make plans to go out and do anything else, then this person isn't interesting in anything emotional. If you say 'we should go see a film this week' and the next time you meet up... it's in your bedroom or his. You're stuck in a non-relationship.

3) They aren't telling their friends: If no one really knows apart from your friends that you're screwing this person... yeah, they aren't that bothered.

4) They act different towards you in public: I don't mean that they're not overly affectionate, because some people just aren't like that in public. But if they don't hold your hand, or only hold your hand down the quieter streets. Also if they change the way they speak to you, if they aren't so familiar with you in their conversation or tone, they're trying not to arouse any suspicion. 

5) Their text frequency: Everyone knows when you're into someone, you text them more than you would anyone else. If they only reply to say... half your conversation starters or you only have short conversations. They aren't that bothered. If you find yourself finding a reason to text them, in order for them to text you back a lot of the time... then you've been suckered.

There are so many more reasons as to how you can figure out if the person you're dating is in fact dating or not dating you too. But these in my opinion are the biggest and most obvious. If you have any questions, or anything, as always feel free to contact me either by:

Emailing me at: RebbieShaneOfficial@gmail.com
Liking us on Facebook: Rebbie-Shane
Following us on Twitter: @Rebbie_Shane

Should you listen to reputations?

Everyone has a reputation of some kind, good or bad. But do we judge people too quickly from what we hear from other people? 

Just because someone claims someone is a certain thing, doesn't necessarily mean it's true. Reputations aren't always accurate. I've known plenty of people whose reputation gets carved over one person's lie, that's spread around the town. Though more often than not, there are some truths behind a reputation. As the saying goes, there's no smoke without fire.

People's relationships can be heavily affected by a reputation, whether it's a friendship or a romantic relationship, as someone's reputation could doubt someone into thinking whether or not they can trust the other person. To be honest, pretty much the only real way you have to find out, is by your own personal experience, or you've seen first hand the behaviour that's sparked it all off. If you don't personally know, you don't have a right to judge, though it doesn't mean you can't take what you've heard into account and be cautious. But to judge someone you don't know completely on hear'say is never fair.

They say there's no smoke without fire, and quite often someone's reputation has some kind of truth behind it, but does that define them as a person?
For example, one of the most common reputations that tends to stir trouble is when people are known to have slept around/be a slag. Where it's true that some people live up to that reputation, it's not the case for everyone, some people have gone through a small phase where they have slept with multiple people in a short space of time, but it was nothing more than a phase, and it's now past. Though the label has stuck with them. Doesn't mean they still sleep around though. Everyone has a past, and everyone's done shitty things that unfortunately people don't forget about.
With me, people haven't forgotten the fact I've cheated in relationships, yet that doesn't mean for a second that I'd do it again, and it doesn't mean that I can't be trusted in a relationship with someone else.

I get a lot of advice emails asking whether they should pursue something with someone who has a reputation, and I always say the same thing. Be a little cautious, and don't be afraid to ask about it if it's playing on your mind. It might not always be the most comfortable conversation. But if the other person is honest, and genuinely respects you as a person, they'll give their side, and it's up to you what you believe.

We tend to judge too easily, and put our defenses up too quickly, and to be honest we have good reason to, the last thing we ever want to do is get hurt. But what exactly do you achieve by not giving anyone/anything a chance? Life is full of taking risks, and especially when it comes to the people in our lives. If something has the chance to be awesome, then take it.

Still Breaking?

A lot of the advice I get asked for is how to deal with breakups and how to get over someone, everyone has their own way of getting over someone. How do I get over someone? I spend all my  time with my favourite people, and the people who make me laugh the most. To me, laughter is the best medicine for anything. When I'm alone, I watch comedy films and TV. It's unbelievable how much it does take your mind off things, or at least calm you down when you're feeling emotional.

The thing I hear the most when I'm talking to people who have just broken up is, that when they see each other the 'chemistry' is still there, and they go on about how happy they are with them, but 2 minutes earlier they were telling me how upset and angry their partner made them feel, and usually you just want to shake the person, and be like, can you hear yourself?! But everyone goes through the same thing at some point in their lives.

Sometimes break-ups/breaks do make you realise how much you do love that person, and how much you didn't appreciate them, or how you should of appreciated them more. Mostly, we just forget the reason why we broke up with them, and we start to see that person in this wonderful light, oh the curse of rose tinted glasses! That's one phrase that's been thrown at me many times by my friend Hannah recently!

We too easily forget why we've broken up with them, and how we felt, the initial break-up hurts more than the relationship did, so we think we're better off in it. I'm sorry to break it to you all, but you have to work for your happiness in this world. If you're not happy in that relationship, you have to fight through the pain, to achieve any gain! Is that pain in the relationship really worth going back to, when the relationship is good, it's great and it makes you feel amazing... but it doesn't mean for you to feel that you have to go through all the shit that makes you unhappy. Every relationship has shitty stages, but if you're often upset in your relationship, can you honestly say you're truly happy?

Some people have the complete opposite problem, some people, break up over something that they really shouldn't of done, and still want to be with each other, but are too stubborn to open up, because they're terrified of getting hurt. What's even more crazy is that they know both of them feel the same way. Just bloody go for it, swallow your fear, and do a special gesture. Otherwise... if you both keep shut, you won't ever get around to fixing anything.

Breakups are a weird time, they can be the most confusing times, or they can just clarify everything. Sometimes, it's an instant reaction, where some people don't feel it months down the line. Either way, usually,  you shouldn't listen to the first emotion you feel...

It's kinda hard to live without regrets...

Everyone says you shouldn't regret anything, regrets only cause you to be upset and quite often live in the past. Which to be fair is very true, but if there's nothing in life that we regret, what do we really learn from our mistakes?
All the biggest and most important social lessons I've learnt so far come from situations and decisions that have made me cringe like hell looking back on them. The things we tend not to regret are the things we get away with or we don't care too much about, so we end up making the same silly mistakes again.

Regret is a powerful thing, and as much people encourage you not to live your life with regrets, I think they are necessary to us, when it comes to learning life lessons. The trick is, not to allow them to make you think in the past, and of 'what could of been.' But to use them to fuel you to either fix the situation, or to avoid putting yourself in that situation again.

This is something I'm only learning properly now, I've spend the past few months with my head and my dreams back in last year, it's not healthy for you mentally or emotionally. All I know is that I have to take my regrets and try and use them positively, and maybe in the future I'll see it more of a learning curve than a mistake or a regret... and I'll be a little happier! :)

Sometimes when we're stuck in the middle of what to do in a situation, our heart tells us to do one thing, and our head tells us to do the complete opposite. Usually the decision your heart is telling you to do equals risking looking like a giant buffoon, or as silly as the speedo guy at my swimming centre. But at the same time, if you don't make that decision and follow your heart, you know you'll regret not trying. So what are you to do?
Some people say, if you want it enough, nothing will stop you reaching for it, and some say, if you want it enough, the thought of not achieving it or in situations of love and relationships being rejected is enough to scare you out of being honest.
At the end of the day, if you go with your head, there's always going to be some hurt with 'what could of been' but at least if you go with your heart, you actually have the chance of being completely happy. You just have to work out for yourself whether you're happy to risk it.

Being comfortable in your own skin

I asked on twitter and facebook, judging from a photo I posted, what the topic of my next blog was... It didn't scream the answer no, and someone even asked if I was pregnant! (I'm not, by the way everyone haha). But one thing I would wish on everyone is that they are comfortable with the person they are, inside and out.
It's a lot easier to be comfortable with yourself on the inside, but most people who have low self esteem are self conscious by how they are physically. One thing I would love is for everyone to be able to look in the mirror and be happy with what they see, or if not happy, at least not sad! Because no one on this planet doesn't look good in my opinion, yeah we all walk around listing the things that look 'horrible' on our bodies, but at the end of the day, what is it really doing apart from making you feel bad?

We all have things we would change about ourselves, even the people who you think are the most beautiful people in the world will look at themselves and be like, I wish that was a little different.
At the end of the day... WHO CARES? The only people who would look at you and judge you on your physical 'imperfections' are the people who aren't worth your time in the slightest!

I have a couple of friends who are currently working on the things they don't like, exercise, healthy eating, and are getting excited and are really happy with the progress they're making. They've turned something they used to see negatively into a positive thing, and making themselves happier. Not that I think any of them were any less than beautiful anyway. But the fact is, even though they weren't happy, they now look at themselves and see how healthy they are, and the progress they're making, and that makes them happy.

I just hate seeing people obsess with their imperfections, exercise and eat healthier for your health, not to make yourself look any different to what you look like.
Who cares if you have a tummy, big nose, funny looking ears, only one eye... If you were to look in the mirror now, and even if you did only have one eye, look into it and see how beautiful it is, because the people that love you are the ones that will see that. Not think about the one that's missing.

I've gone from being one of the skinniest to my friends and over the past few years I'm now one of the biggest, I'm a size 12 and that many stone, but on a girl who's only 5"3, it doesn't sit so right and I don't always feel great about it... but my friends never once said a thing to me, never once commented on it, because they didn't see it. And if I can be happy with my life and my friends and just doing what I want to do in life. Who the fuck cares if I have a tummy that people mistake for a baby! haha. And everyone else should be saying the same thing, because I think you're all amazing and beautiful :)

Being confident with identity.

I just read a blog post of a friend I used to be extremely close to before I came to Uni, (http://amy-dale.blogspot.com/) And one of her blog posts (Here goes nothing) talks about her identity as a person and how she see's herself.
Through-out life we all pick up different Labels/titles/identities such as Mother, Father, Boss, Employee, Wife, Husband etc, and they're all pretty standard yes? But sometimes we pick up more unique things within our identity which sometimes people find hard to accept. For example my friend Amy talks about how she feels there is a boy trapped within her body and that he is a part of her, and I really admire her courage to be able to tell people this part of her which is obviously very important to her identity, especially when it's something that not everyone finds themselves able to accept in a person. I'm not saying you should go and write a blog about all the unique things about you, but what I'm trying to say is that even though not everyone may be able to accept certain things about you. If they are things that are a part of you, mean a lot to you and make you happy, you shouldn't shy away from it.
A lot of people get depressed over hiding various parts of themselves and their lives because of what people may think about them, or that they've convinced themselves the people in their lives will leave and strangers will look at them in the street and say a load of crap. Sometimes unfortunately these things do happen, not everyone can accept things, or agree with how you feel etc. But if you're acting ashamed of yourself or a part of your life, you won't be happy. You have to embrace every part of you and be like 'This is me.'

As I said to my friend Amy, I wouldn't look her in any other way than the way I already see her. I see her as a great friend, someone I share many memories with etc. She's a lovely person, and someone that always has me in stitches about 90% of the time i'm with her (The other 10% I'm recovering from laughing at all the stupid things we do and say together!)

A lot of people may not feel the same as you, agree with you, or even accept it, but pretty much nearly everyone who cares about you will respect you and that whatever it is is a part of your life and a part of you!

My facebook and twitter is now linked at the side... if you hover over some random rectangle things on your right! :)
Or Email me at Shaneyxcakes@gmail.com

And don't forget to check out my friend Amy's blog! She's an awesome girl! :)

Makeup

As people have seen on my Facebook/Twitter, earlier today I created a poll to see how guys preferred their girls, with or without makeup.

Here is a picture of me taken as I'm writing this, as you can see I have NO makeup on, and a horrible spot on the top of my nose! haha.

And don't even get started on the hair on top of my head!

What do you think to girls who don't wear makeup, personally looking at that picture, i'm pretty damn scared that that's what I look like. But I figure nearly every girl who see's themselves this way. I'm someone who believe that everyone is beautiful no matter what. I personally think that the whole make-up obsession with girls is a little OTT. 

We don't need to wear make-up everyday, and I personally don't understand how people can never go out the house without make-up on. We should all be comfortable with our natural beauty. I wish more people could be more comfortable with how they look. There are millions of people out there, guys, girls who have all these issues about themselves, and I feel sorry for them for the pressure that they feel to be perfect. But noone is perfect, to be human, to be imperfect is to be perfect. We need flaws to be who we are.

But come on guys and girls, it your turn to say something. If you could say something to a girl, a friend, or anyone who's unhappy/paranoid or negative about their appearance say it here in a comment, let me know and let others know how you see us girls.

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Or email me at Shaneyxcakes@gmail.com