Settling

Most of us make the wrong decisions in choosing partners, without even knowing it. We all take risks, and they don't always work out. I'm going to be covering the different relationships choices we make, when it comes to choosing partners in the next few posts...

Have you ever felt you've settled for second best, or the 'safe option'? When you couldn't have the person you loved, or if you've been messed around by someone else, you found a person who would offer you everything the other person wouldn't?

A few of us have done this, believing that we do like that person, and to be honest we do like them. But what do we like... the person? Or what they're offering us?

Is it love and a relationship we're craving? Something safe we can rely on? Everyone wants different things, and it's not always the person we want to offering them. And we do become confused.

Sometimes this works out, and sometimes it doesn't. We can learn to love that person like we loved others in time, or we just get frustrated in our relationships and hurt the other person, either by leaving, or another way.

The only advice I could give to anyone going through this is, give yourself time to work out what you really want. If you know you don't lust for this person as much as you did for someone else, a crush or an ex, then maybe you need to give yourself some space to figure out if this is what you're going through and what you want in the long run.

No one deserves to settle.

Do you want this person? Or do you want what they're offering you? It's something we all need to realise and work out for ourselves. Unfortunately many of us decide this when it's too late. We all need to realise the signs from the beginning, and the only and obvious one, is how much we lust over them.

Only then can you work out whether you feel it's possible that a real relationship can grow from this.

Are you confused in your relationship? Or have an opinion on this? Or have something to say about anything in particular? Either comment below, comment on facebook or twitter (Links above)
Tweet at @Rebbie_shane
Or email me at Shaneyxcakes@gmail.com

Hope this helps guys!

Why doesn't he understand his cheating hurt me?

Hi Rebbie-
My Boyfriend of 3 years cheated on me a few months ago with this girl. I was devastated. It still hurts and it doesn't make it easier when this girl is commenting on his facebook, flirting with him and that.
At the same time he doesn't make it any easier either, when I do get upset about it, he tells me i'm stupid and that it's a joke.. I just feel uncomfortable knowing that he's cheated on me with her and she's acting in that way, and he's getting annoyed at me for it.
He even told me I was lucky to have him.. because apparently when I said I'd give him a second chance, he didn't want to get back with me... So why did he?
It's just really getting to me and I don't know what to do. Surely he should be the lucky one for taking him back?
What do you think I should do?
Sarah. x

Hey Sarah.
You're totally right, he is the lucky one if he's been given a second chance after what he did. He should understand how you feel about the way they act together, knowing what happened between them. As long as you're not making a deal of it too often. He should respect the way that you feel, and he should have a little more respect for the relationship. If his friendship with this girl is damaging the 3 year relationship he has with you, then he has to think, and decide whether this 'friend' is worth the trouble it's causing with you.
Personally if a friend of mine was causing problems in my relationship, providing my partner wasn't causing problems too, I'd be telling that friend to back off for the sake of my relationship.
I don't agree with the way he talks to you, telling you you're stupid and that you're lucky to have him still. You're only human and it's only natural for you to feel the way you do. Anyone who cares about their relationship would feel a little uneasy if their partner was still being flirty and whatnot to someone they'd been unfaithful to you with. Especially if he cheated on you quite a while into your relationship, looking at the fact you said it was a few months ago, it would of been 2 years into the relationship at least? It would of been slightly different if it was right at the beginning. But 2 years is a serious relationship and he will have really broken your trust by doing that. He's wrong to say you're the lucky one for him agreeing to still be with you. For one thing, he's the one with the second chance, and if he really didn't want to be you, then you're definitely not lucky being in a relationship with someone who doesn't want to be with you too.
In my opinion this guy really needs to get over himself a little bit. He's nothing special if he goes around treating people like this, so he should stop thinking he is. I know after 3 years it would be hard to let go of a relationship, but I personally think that if he doesn't start treating you with a little more respect, you should find someone who does. But I really admire the fact you're giving your relationship another go, and that you're willing to try and forgive him. It proves how much you care.
And I really hope things get better!

Anyone else who has any problems they'd like some advice with email me at, Shaneyxcakes@gmail.com
Thanks guys!