Time Management.

Sometimes a lot of us take on a little more than is capable of us. Especially if we're used to having quite a relaxed work load.
Something I've found personally is that our bodies can get so used to a relaxed daily routine. I'm in uni only a couple of days a week, and if I wasn't doing uni, I was writing for this. Now each blog post I write doesn't take me a particularly long time to write. So a lot of last year I was lazing around, and now I've decided to pursue multiple things and take on certain commitments. My bodies struggling to keep up with everything!

One mistake I've been making, which I know a lot of people make, particularly students, is that if we decide to take on a lot of different commitments, we find ourselves slotting in periods where we can take a short sleep, or 'Nap'. Instead of getting a good nights rest! I can't remember the last time I slept through the night.

Now I'm struggling to sleep at all because my mind is always buzzing with all these tasks I've committed myself to doing, I become very physically tired, but mentally very awake.

My advice to anyone taking on new work loads/commitments etc, that need to take a whole lot of time from your day, is to ease yourself into it. There's nothing wrong with jumping in at the deep-end and taking things on, but if you're not used to taking on time-consuming commitments, ease your body into it a little more.
And sustain a healthy body clock.
Don't be like me and go to bed after my 9am lectures, rather than before! You will feel pretty zombie-a-fied just like me!

But if anyone does have any suggestions that can help me get a good nights sleep etc, I'd love to hear it and try some out! It would be interesting to see which one of these methods work!

Hope everyone out there is well!
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Thanks guys for reading!

Are our friends too clingy?

One thing I've had a few emails about recently is how friendships are affected when relationships with other people come into the picture.
I've had a few emails off people asking for advice and what to do when they feel their friendships are slowly changing as their friends or even themselves have become involved in a relationship.
These kinds of situations happen to everyone at least once, and more often than not the situations can get a little messy.

'Hi Rebbie,
Me and my friend have been best friends all the way through school, but recently, she's started seeing this guy. We all like him, and he's great fun to be around. But we never see her any more. Everyone in our group of friends try to invite her out when we do stuff and hang out, but she never comes out, and spends all of her time with him. This has been going on for a few weeks now, and one of our friends tried talking to her, and asked if we were all still friends to her, and why she hadn't seen us any more, and she just got really angry. Her boyfriend isn't helping either, we all got along with him great, but now he thinks we're all jealous of them cuz none of us are in relationships and we're just being clingy. I don't know what we can do, because everytime we try to talk to her about it, she just gets angry.'

Unfortunately these kinds of things do happen to everyone, I was just sat with my friend not so long ago today, and she was explaining to me how her and her friends haven't seen one of their friends since she got with her girlfiriend, it's an all too common situation and unfortunately it messes with friendships that are years old.
The best thing I feel you can do now, is not to pressure them into seeing you. I've made that mistake before, it's natural for us to want to fight for our friendships, but as you've said your friend isn't having any of it. If the  reaction to you and your friends wanting to spend time with this girl, and wondering why she isn't seeing you anymore, then there really is no point in pushing her any further. It will only result in more arguments and your friendships being destroyed completely by the arguments.
As for the boyfriend saying that you guys are all jealous, regardless of whether you guys are or not, it isn't the approach he should be taking towards the situation. It's only going to cause more bitterness between you and your friend, because your friend will then believe you can't be happier for her, which from what you said really isn't the case. Her boyfriend should understand that you've had a relationship with your friend all the way through school, and therefore it's an important relationship in his girlfriends life. Surely he'd want his girlfriend to have her friends around her? Even if he didn't personally like you guys, his girlfriend clearly liked you guys enough to spend however many years close with you guys and at the end of the day, that is what matters.
I'd always try and convince my boyfriend to not argue with his friends, friends are one of the most important things in life, what is life without friends? It seems very inconsiderate to influence and push someone's friendships into breaking even more...
Either way, by the sounds of it, there isn't really anything you can do to improve the situation. Your friend doesn't seem too interested for the moment to keep things the way they were, and is really defensive when you do try. My advice would be to prevent any more arguments is to, not bring up the situation and ask about it because it's clearly leading to negative reactions.

Take it as a friendship drifting away, which I know isn't the outcome that you want, but from what you've told me and my experiences with me and my friends that have gone through this, is that unless things change drastically or that they break up, I don't feel you'll be spending time with your friend like you used to. Unfortunately some people lose sight in the importance of friends when they're in a relationship. I've known many people to go down that path, and there'll always be people who do.
They don't always realise what they're doing, and it's a massive shame to let a friendship go. But what you and your friends need to decide now, and where you'll stand with this friend of yours, if anything happened and your friend came running back to you guys, would you be there for her as a friend? Or would you take the 'we're not going to be around only when it suits you approach?' Do you really want to be friends with someone who would ditch you when a new partner comes into the picture? But do you really want to let go of this friend?

What I thought was interesting, was that the boyfriend said you guys were 'too clingy' and it got me wondering, are us friends too clingy when our friends take on other priorities in their lives? Are we expecting too much to want to keep the same friendships when new relationships come into the picture. Trying to see it from the other perspective, where should the line be drawn between, seeing friends, seeing partners, work/school, family etc.

What is more important to you? Friends, Family, Relationships, work, or trying to keep the balance between  them all. Personally I like the balance I have now, I spend a lot of time with friends, my brother, and when I can, my boyfriend, and still have time to get on with work, write this blog, and have time for myself.
But not everyone is the same as me, people prioritise things differently, and this is what I want to hear from you guys.
What do you prioritise? And do you feel friends can be clingy when it comes to keeping hold of friendships? If so, where's the line for you? Everyone's different and it's all a matter of opinion, I'm just curious too see what you guys think...

So either comment below, Follow me on twitter or facebook (Links above) or email me at Shaneyxcakes@gmail.com

Teenage Parents

Becoming a parent at a young age is quite common in today's society. A couple of weeks ago I touched on this in a post, arguing the negative of growing up too fast, and the risk of wasting young life. But I wanted to touch on this at a more positive side.. Is the stigma too negative towards young parents?

A lot of ethical theories have their opinion on pregnancy, abortion and contraception and I do believe that this is really important when applying young parents in your own ethical opinions. For example;

 Natural Law:

The most used ethical theory in  the bracket of Christian Ethics (as the majority of Christians are Roman Catholics). They have a very firm belief that the natural way is the morally right way of going about things, anything that is unnatural is wrong.
Contraception prevents and interrupts the natural course of reproduction, and as a animal species, our ultimate natural goal in life, is to carry the human race on to the next generation for us to survive. The same views are applied to Abortion.
Pregnancy and reproduction a very natural thing so it is encouraged to go through with your pregnancy if you ever do conceive. 

Utilitarianism:

Takes on a more understanding and emotional approach, they follow the rule 'The greatest happiness for the greatest number.' Which takes into account everyone in the situation and judges each situation differently to figure out their idea of the best outcome. Opposite to Natural Law, Utilitarianism considers the feelings of the people involved, rather than laying down strict rules.

There are many theories, and each one has their strengths and weaknesses, but if you take them into account, their views and their reasoning, do you begin to look at it in a different perspective? An example...

A couple aged between the ages of 16-20 (the most common ages for young people to become parents). Finished school, and at least one to the parents have a stable job, and are able to provide for the child.
Think about it for two minutes, and come up with the positive and negative points for that situation (in your opinion)

Do the same for this situation...
A couple aged 25+, Living off benefits, not looking for work, barely scraping by in a crappy little house provided by the council, picking up a lot of bad habits (excessive drinking, drugs, violence etc)

There are many young parents who do have their heads screwed on, and many older parents who don't. But also many are the opposite.

My own personal opinion is that ideally people should wait until they've gotten through all the education they want, settled in a happy job, and at an age where they've had their chance to be free and live their young lives etc. But I don't judge anyone who doesn't believe or follow the same views as me. I know a lot of young parents who have a steady job and are happy, and able to provide for their child/children. I think it's a much better situation than the second example. Unfortunately there are families like that, and compared to a couple of 17 year olds, who are very mature and have their heads and lives screwed together, is it always such a bad thing?

There are also a lot of young parents, who are unemployed and are on benefits, and seeking help from the government, and that also has a very negative stigma attached, and while I personally believe for myself that I shouldn't put myself in that situation. There are other things to consider.
Not everyone believes in abortion, and who are we to argue with someone else's conscience? If they found themselves pregnant, and that's what they believed, what can we really say against that?

I can't write every argument for someone wanting to keep their child when society says 'They aren't ready.' But I believe we are too quick to judge people at times, before judging look at their lives, are they doing the right thing in their situation? Are they focusing on what is the most important, their child? If they are, then what do you really have to complain about?

Of course there are the few examples of why teenage pregnancy/young mothers is frowned upon. Girls getting pregnant at ages like 13, or parents that resemble a situation in the second example. People who take advantage of the benefits available, and use them in the wrong way. It is a problem, and I'm not ignoring that. But my argument is about how people are too quick to judge even the good parents, because of their age or situation. Benefits are there to help us when things aren't so easy. There are young parents, living on benefits but actively trying to go out and better their living situation by finding a job, and providing for their children, so they don't have to rely on the benefits etc. But this all seems to be ignored, whenever I hear anything about this topic, it's always the negatives that I hear, and I very rarely hear how well people are doing or even just trying to do right, it would be nice to hear something positive for a change when this subject is brought up.
I know a lot of people who are young parents, and are doing really well for themselves, I do believe people like that should be recognised a little more :).

Anyway, let me know what you guys think, as usual, my email is Shaneyxcakes@gmail.com
My twitter and Facebook like page is linked above.
Also for you guys who have just left school, or looking to higher education or employment, Check out my friends Kim and James blog (life after school) Linked above. As you will remember Kim did a guest post with me on my blog about long distance relationships!

I'm also helping out with my friends band (Painting Stupid), it's my new little project, I'm about to put their facebook link above too, they're currently recording at the moment, but feel free to check it out!

I Don't know where I'm going with life anymore...

Hi Rebbie-
I feel as if im going no where in life atm, i went to college, enjoyed it, made friends and passed, but now i don't know what to do, i just want to earn money and work.. and sometimes i feel so alone even though i know i have people around me..i don't know if i'm good enough for anyone.
Anon.




Hi Anon!
First of all, Congrats on getting through college! I know getting a job is really hard at the moment. Assuming you're on job seekers? Have you tried temping agencies? They're agencies that help people find temporary work, while their employers are on temporary leave for things such as maternity leave/sickness leave. To find some in your local area Google 'Temping agencies - then wherever you live' and sign up, it's free to do so.
A couple of my flatmates found work via these over the summer. It's a great way to earn some money until you find yourself a permanent job!
Have you also considered Volunteering in a charity shop or something? I know it's not paid work, but I've done a little and it definitely keeps your spirits up, and gives you something to do so you don't feel like you're not doing anything with your life.
You shouldn't feel so hard on yourself. Of course you're good enough for people, as you said you have people around you, just surround yourself with those people and just think about how much they mean to you. It surprisingly instantly puts things into a much better perspective.
Everyone feels alone at times, even when we have everyone around. It's usually just a phase that passes, the best cure is going out and doing something fun with your friends, bowling, or even going out to get a slice of pizza.
Surround yourself with the people who make you the happiest, it won't last forever, i promise :).


Anyone else want some free advice on anything? Email me at Shaneyxcakes@gmail.com