Do we need to have it all to be happy?

What does it take to make a person happy? Are we ever truly happy? One thing I have learnt over the past couple of years is that, there isn't one sole thing that can make any of us happy.

Money can't buy you happiness
A career doesn't give you emotional support
And love doesn't make you feel like you've accomplished anything.

If one of those three things are missing, we become unhappy. We either; Feel alone without love, Feel like we're wasting our lives or we're stressed and angry because we can't pay the bills. To be truly happy do we need to have it all?

A year ago I made the decision to end a relationship because drama connected to home and people around my partner were affecting my grades at university. (If my mum's reading this, she'll be well proud I picked uni over a boy!) But I often think about him, as well as an old friend who made the opposite decision a few months earlier than I made mine. And I wonder how her life is, and how happy she is. I really hope she is happy. But with every big decision you make, you always wonder, what if?

I now have my degree, but I'm living in a city where I have barely any friends, and I'm very much alone here. And as a lot of my friends back home know, I'm finding it rather difficult. So I often wonder if I had been happier making a different decision? My degree will never compensate from having the love of my friends and family around me, but I know if I had made a different decision, I would always regret not finishing my degree, and it would have been the biggest mistake I made.

So, do we really need to have everything to be happy? And sometimes, no matter what we do, can we just not win? Surely not everyone can have it all...

Rebbie's dating site adventure...the first night.

Ok, so the curiosity got the better of me, and I signed up to a dating site... This post is pretty much going to be a running commentary of my thoughts while signing up... :)

The personality of OkCupid is amazing... The username Rebbie was taken... but look at their suggestions!

I almost went with 'Rebbie-o-matic' the sex machine, but... Ok, I totally regret with going for Rebbieinabox now. Rebbieasaurus would of been a good one, but I thought it was a little too scene kid...

But moving on to some of my details... I forget quite often I was born under the unfortunately named star sign... 

I decided to leave the second half of that question blank....

You have to be pretty kinky to answer with 'not possible' right? I couldn't imagine someone just sitting there like, yup, Noone can out-kink me! haha. You must have a filthy mind...

But to me, these questions are just getting better.....

'Depends on which race...' I can just imagine someone leant back in their computer chair, going through all the different types of race, checklisting in their head... I'm not sure if you guys are finding this as funny as I am...
So I thought it was time to check out some of the matches OkCupid found for me...
Putting my orientation as Bi-sexual, it came up with a couple of girls, and I found this little gem on a local girls profile...

She could of said ANYTHING else in the world, literally ANYTHING. is it just me, or is that the kind of thing people should be putting on their profiles... I suppose it is a dating site... you should get to know these things about a person...

Anyway, after 3 hours of trying to fix my profile etc. I'm tired... and seen as it's nearly 4am. I suppose I should get to sleep. But I want to hear your stories/experiences of dating websites, or even just share your opinion.

Join the discussion on Facebook, or Twitter or feel free to email me here :)
And we shall see in the morning, what lies in store for me online...

Memory lane can be quite a funny place.

Who remembers late last year/early this year when I made profile up on dating and 'fuck buddy' sites to do a whole load of research into them and into dating and sex lives themselves.

I received an email earlier this week asking if I still used LocalSlags.com ... I'd never even heard that site before but I knew instantly where he'd got this from.

A lot of sites out there that are there solely for people who sign up and find a 'intimate friend' all share details with each other and share the profiles on their website. So if you sign up to one, you're signed up to them all. I've had enquiries asking why I'm on sexyGILF when I'm on 20 years of age, and some site to do with cougars....

Why don't I take these profiles down? Because I can't. The admins on the site always figured out that I was on there purely to play about and do research for my blog and always cut off my account. Yet, they kept my profile details on all the sites. This is to make men believe that there are plenty of girls out there on this website looking for a quick shag, long term fool-around-er. So they sign up to the site and pay the monthly fee. Now, they do in the small print say that they share their information with other site, but who actually reads the small print on a website? :P

What a lot of people don't realise is that the same profiles are on these weird and not so wonderful sites, so if they sign up to more than one of them, they're paying for the same thing, and that they don't realise is when they sign up to a new site, paying their monthly fee, they actually already have a profile on there...
Yet some people are lucky enough to find what they are looking for, and are happy. However most people unfortunately, get left with nothing and fair few pennies emptied out of their pocket.

As for me, I am doomed to be on the internet forever, a cougar, GILF and local slag. Wonderful!

Here is a photo of how pleased I am over this.... =P

Being confident with identity.

I just read a blog post of a friend I used to be extremely close to before I came to Uni, (http://amy-dale.blogspot.com/) And one of her blog posts (Here goes nothing) talks about her identity as a person and how she see's herself.
Through-out life we all pick up different Labels/titles/identities such as Mother, Father, Boss, Employee, Wife, Husband etc, and they're all pretty standard yes? But sometimes we pick up more unique things within our identity which sometimes people find hard to accept. For example my friend Amy talks about how she feels there is a boy trapped within her body and that he is a part of her, and I really admire her courage to be able to tell people this part of her which is obviously very important to her identity, especially when it's something that not everyone finds themselves able to accept in a person. I'm not saying you should go and write a blog about all the unique things about you, but what I'm trying to say is that even though not everyone may be able to accept certain things about you. If they are things that are a part of you, mean a lot to you and make you happy, you shouldn't shy away from it.
A lot of people get depressed over hiding various parts of themselves and their lives because of what people may think about them, or that they've convinced themselves the people in their lives will leave and strangers will look at them in the street and say a load of crap. Sometimes unfortunately these things do happen, not everyone can accept things, or agree with how you feel etc. But if you're acting ashamed of yourself or a part of your life, you won't be happy. You have to embrace every part of you and be like 'This is me.'

As I said to my friend Amy, I wouldn't look her in any other way than the way I already see her. I see her as a great friend, someone I share many memories with etc. She's a lovely person, and someone that always has me in stitches about 90% of the time i'm with her (The other 10% I'm recovering from laughing at all the stupid things we do and say together!)

A lot of people may not feel the same as you, agree with you, or even accept it, but pretty much nearly everyone who cares about you will respect you and that whatever it is is a part of your life and a part of you!

My facebook and twitter is now linked at the side... if you hover over some random rectangle things on your right! :)
Or Email me at Shaneyxcakes@gmail.com

And don't forget to check out my friend Amy's blog! She's an awesome girl! :)

Safe, explicit materials.

After my blog about selling explicit materials online, I received a number of emails asking for advice on how to take 'safe, explicit materials' either for selling or just sending to boyfriends/girlfriends.
If you do decide to take explicit materials of yourselves, for any purpose this is my advice to you!

1) Keep your face out of the photos


Especially if you're planning on sending photos/videos etc to a boyfriend/girlfriend that you wouldn't want anyone to see. Too many times people send out photo's to other people of their ex partners as some kind of petty revenge, which leads to extreme embarrassment and hurt to the ex-partner. At least if you keep your face out of the material, you can deny it being you!

2) Have an unrecognisable background to the material!


This is something a lot of people don't consider, if you don't want people to recognise you, it doesn't matter if you cut your face out of the photo, if your background is recognisable (Eg; if your bedroom walls, bed pillows etc are obvious in the photos) again it will link to you, and again you wouldn't be able to deny it being you in the material!

3) Only take materials that you're comfortable doing

I know people who take materials for money, and one thing they always get are people who are wanting things they're not comfortable with doing. If this is the case then just don't do it. Forget about the pressure, because if you don't want to do it, you're only going to feel shit about yourself for doing it after. And that isn't worth it!
This is also if you're just sending materials for fun, make sure it stays fun!

4) Send photos to people you know you can trust!


If you are sending photos out for fun, make sure you know you can trust the person. (OK, fair enough our judgement in this isn't always right) But if you're sending materials to someone who has a history of sending peoples photos etc to other people, then obviously, it would be a pretty stupid idea to send them to them!

Also, someone to watch out for, is someone who likes the banter, this applies to both boys and girls, no matter you're gender, people like to gossip, if you're texting someone and sending them materials, there's a big chance they're with the friends, and they're showing off the fact you're willing to send these materials to them. ESPECIALLY WHEN THEY'RE DRINKING, OR OUT WITH FRIENDS.

Best time to send photos is when they're on their own at home, and just a little lonely ;).

5) Have fun with it!


Speaks for itself really!

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Email me: Shaneyxcakes@gmail.com
And if you have anything to say, you can always comment below!

Selling yourself online.

I've been exploring the morality around selling yourself. It's all well known that most people condemn selling yourself as morally wrong, and de-grading.
However, it can be seen as a fetish, not a morally right one in the eyes of some, but what is the motive behind the people who are selling themselves in this way?

It's no lie that a lot of young people are struggling financially today, and we've found that quite a few people are selling themselves in this way online, sending photos and videos for a few quid a bunch, in order to pay their rent, buy their food, etc.

Is it really that wrong for two consensual people to do business this way? I don't believe it is, if consent is given between both sides, then were is the harm in this person selling a few pictures online, and the other person accepting and paying? The hurt and the upset comes if those people have partners and haven't agreed to their partner either selling or paying for these explicit materials.

But should we really judge these ways in which people make their lives a little more financially stable. If a few explicit pictures can save a family from being kicked out on the street, or keep people fed for a few more days. Then doesn't the good outweigh the fact of morally?

What do you guys think? Would you buy a few pictures to help someone financially? Or would you sell a few photos online to earn a few extra pennies?

Comment below, Follow us on twitter (@Rebbie_shane), Follow us on facebook, (link above).

Are kids as innocent as they used to be?

As some of you may have read, there has been a little uproar about the educational videos from the BBC, that are questionable when it comes to how appropriate they are for their audience.
I read that an M.P. wanted 'cinema style' ratings on these videos... After thinking about this, I wonder to myself why there isn't already a rating for these educational videos, based on how explicit they are.
With these kind of video's being shown in schools, I feel it is important for parents to know what materials are being shown to their kids.
It's fair enough having kids bring home letters from school saying they plan to show a BBC educational video, 'Living and Growing' explaining how it teaches and explains what is going to happen with their bodies etc as they approach and go through puberty. Like many people seeing that it's a 'BBC Educational video' with such a simple and clean name, you'd trust it would be appropriate for the audience it's catering for. People trust the BBC, they have a trusted reputation.... Why would we think the BBC would be showing inappropriate things to our kids?

This video in question contains;
- an animated video of two cartoon characters making love and a computer-generated sequence showing a couple having sex, accompanied by a graphic explanation
-a child's voice over commenting on how they are 'Having fun'
- footage of a naked man and woman, used to demonstrate the differences between the sexes, 
-information about 'wet dreams' and masturbation, 
-graphic diagrams of genitalia.
-penetration
-explanations of sexual feelings
-same-sex relationships


I'm only 10 years older than the audience this video has been made for, and I remember the education video I was shown in year 6 (Age 10/11). I learnt about periods, erections, and pubic hair. (More than likely also about how sperm fertilises an egg and the woman becomes pregnant) But I really don't remember that, meaning the emphasis was on periods and erections, as these are the matters at around age 10.
I do believe some of the areas covered in this BBC video that wasn't covered in the video I watched at that age needed to be put in. Such as sexual feelings and masturbation. A lot of kids do start masturbating at age 10 and 11, without actually knowing what they are doing. They are just acting on these sexual feelings which to them are weird. The same with 'wet dreams' if it can begin to happen at that age, then give them the education, tell them what it is.

However, creating a cartoon video of a couple actually having sex. Is it really that appropriate? Having a child's voice over saying how they are 'Having fun'? Have the BBC there, either consciously or sub-consciously just encouraged kids to have sex? Think about it, at that age, when one of your friends says, 'Oh that ride over there is fun' You want to go on that ride. 'Ooooh, this video game looks fun' You want to play it. If one of your friends in the playground came up to you and said 'Having sex is fun' after learning that it is fun, you can't deny that you would be a little more interested in what it is, or whether you'd enjoy doing it too etc. Telling kids that having sex is or looks 'fun' is going to encourage at least some of them to go and do it. Bad mistake BBC.


At age 9/10, I remember knowing there was a thing called sex, I wasn't quite sure what it was, but when my friend told me you did it naked I was confused as to why I would ever do anything naked with a boy. A little more innocent than some of today's 10 year olds.
But we do need to accept that kids are learning these things at a younger age, this video has had a massive range of responses, from 'The kids now need to learn all of this stuff' to the argument of childhood innocence and 'why are they learning things I didn't till I was married?'. Childhood innocence is not the same as it used to be, I'm only 19 and I'm shocked by some of the stuff younger kids know, I didn't learn some of the stuff some 10 year olds know until I was 14. They need to be taught the truths of the stories that go around their playground. They need the education about some stuff no-one would of taught us at that age. Kids are way too curious, they want to know what they don't. Sex is everywhere nowadays, on tv, in music videos etc.

Personally, I think I'm bang in the middle about it, they need the education on what is going on, what happens etc. But leave them a little innocence here, there are still limits.
Bring back the cartoon diagrams of a penis and vagina, and tell them sex is for when you old and starting a family.
Not make out sex is some kind of game that is 'fun.' And you wonder why so many young kids get pregnant...

Dating Websites.

Everyone has an opinion on them, some people say they're a great way to meet new people online, some people say it's a place for desperate people to go because they can't find someone real.

I honestly don't think you can judge them unless you've tried it out for yourself.
I think they're great websites for getting to know people, making friends, and maybe meeting someone who you might want to start a relationship with.
I've gotten to know many people during my time on them and I've had some really amazing conversations and laughs with the people I've met.

Obviously it comes with it's risks, not being 100% sure of who you're talking to etc, but there are things you can do to make yourself a little bit safer.

Talk on webcam, for example MSN and Skype. Alot of the people who message me, ask if I have MSN or Skype, so they can actually see who I am. Although I never give it out (I also never use them anymore). It is a safe way of seeing for yourself who this person is.
Unfortunately you can never know 100% that the person is safe, but it's a great trust allowing someone to see your face and knowing who you are.
Also, don't rush when it comes to meeting this person, If someone is genuine and safe, they will happily wait a little while before meeting, and won't rush.

A lot of people have very successful relationships and friendships with people they've met online, and I really don't believe it is for 'desperate people' at all.
It's a great way to make a great first impression with someone who doesn't know you, and a fresh start away from any negativity that your reputation may have.
Everyone has had something false/bad gone round about them, especially if you live in a place where everyone knows everyone, gossip is one thing you can avoid online, and both parties can get to know each other for who they are. Without hassle.

Also, if you work away, for business, or in the forces etc. It's a great way to talk to people and to keep social. I've found a lot of the people I've met are in the armed forces, or are away a lot on business, who are just looking for someone to talk to and get to know. It means a lot to them to be able to do this while they're away.
Keeps people a little less lonely.

I know in a couple of my blogs I've spoken negatively about the behaviour that occurs on these sites, and I will continue to point things out, not to be negative towards the sites, but towards the behaviours, as a lot of what I see on these sites, actually relate to relationships offline too.
I recently received a comment which accused me of being negative about these sites, which isn't the case. As everywhere else in the world, you do come across some negative people. I do think Dating Websites are a great thing, when used appropriately. (Just wanted to point that out, and make myself clear)

They are a place where people who want the same thing, can come together and chat, build friendships etc. In a sense it's like their private place, although it is online, people who don't want the same thing (EG, People who don't want to find a friendship/relationship online) don't go to those website and are therefore uninvolved.
It doesn't bother or is in the face of people who are against them, it's all very in their own little place.

What do you think about Dating websites? Comment below
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Thanks for reading guys!

Are Adults safe on the internet?

Adults talk about how the internet isn't a safe place for children and teenagers, after hearing news reports/ stories with horror stories of kids who have met people on the internet and been murdered/sexually assaulted etc.. all very extreme stories. And we do well to warn people of the danger.

 It is something that plagues the mind of parents as their children being to talk to strangers in chat rooms/message boards and other websites, but are they practising what they preach or are they being just as unsafe as anyone else? So I did a little experiment to find out...

I signed up to f-buddy.co.uk for two days, which is a website for adults to meet online, and have sexual encounters with, whether it's just emails, phone calls, or meeting up in person and having a fling. Straight away I received messages from multiple people giving me their contact details and where they lived etc... Which got me to thinking, how many people on this website are willing to meet up with a person without knowing them?

I posed as a 21 year old girl called Charlotte using a fake picture and information, then, I posted a status on the website, which is viewable by males who had joined saying. 'Who wants to be a part of an experiment? message me?' To which I received 232 responses from people, all of different ages from 18 upwards, below is a graph of how many people replied from each age bracket.

Each of these people gave either one of 3 responses. They either;
Said yes straight away, and gave contact details (Phone numbers etc)
Said yes, while asking for details
Or just asked for details before agreeing.

Below is a graph showing the numbers between the different responses from the people who did respond.

The blue slice shows the amount of people who asked before agreeing, which in the situation is the safest option. However, my reply to everyone who did respond to me was
'Hi, thanks for getting back to me, before I send out any details about the experiment, can I just ask one question? Would you be willing to meet me in person?'
To which everyone replied 'Yes'
While giving out contact details, even addresses (Which I have deleted)

So what I'm trying to say is, through the power of sending two messages to complete strangers, 232 people agreed to meet me in person off the internet.
Considering how easy it was to fake a profile, lying about my appearance, name, age, location etc. People have been known to be murdered/sexually assaulted by people they meet off the internet, so 232 adults had put themselves at risk by agreeing to see me personally.

Luckily i'm a nice person! And wouldn't assault any of these people if I had met them.
So if you do decide to meet up with anyone on the internet, be VERY careful. You can never know for sure that the complete stranger you're talking to is safe. I hope this experiment opens your eyes just a little bit.


*I understand this experiment was open only to males, I am currently looking for a similar site that is free for men to join to conduct the same experiment on females, as I'm sure I would get a different response,
Females are much more cautious than men when it comes to this type of thing, however some females do also fall into the same trap.
I didn't feel comfortable giving the website my bank details, also being a student, I am rather quite skint atm!*
Also I apologise for the small font on the graphs, it was the largest I could make it! :(

New Year, New goals...

How many of you believe in new year resolutions? Personally I don't, whenever I did have one, I kept it up for about 2 weeks... Does anyone keep their new years resolutions?

Just a thought to start the new year, What are your new years resolutions, and are you intending to keep them up for the full year?

As some of you may know, I conducted an experiment last week, I've been posing online as a girl named Charlotte on a few dating and 'other adult' websites, and within a few minutes I was asking them to meet me...
the response I got was amazing.

Especially considering the importance of internet safety and lectures about meeting people they only know online they throw upon kids, it was interesting to see how much they kept to that themselves....

Anyway, welcome to 2012  Here's a picture of a duck :D