Should you listen to reputations?

Everyone has a reputation of some kind, good or bad. But do we judge people too quickly from what we hear from other people? 

Just because someone claims someone is a certain thing, doesn't necessarily mean it's true. Reputations aren't always accurate. I've known plenty of people whose reputation gets carved over one person's lie, that's spread around the town. Though more often than not, there are some truths behind a reputation. As the saying goes, there's no smoke without fire.

People's relationships can be heavily affected by a reputation, whether it's a friendship or a romantic relationship, as someone's reputation could doubt someone into thinking whether or not they can trust the other person. To be honest, pretty much the only real way you have to find out, is by your own personal experience, or you've seen first hand the behaviour that's sparked it all off. If you don't personally know, you don't have a right to judge, though it doesn't mean you can't take what you've heard into account and be cautious. But to judge someone you don't know completely on hear'say is never fair.

They say there's no smoke without fire, and quite often someone's reputation has some kind of truth behind it, but does that define them as a person?
For example, one of the most common reputations that tends to stir trouble is when people are known to have slept around/be a slag. Where it's true that some people live up to that reputation, it's not the case for everyone, some people have gone through a small phase where they have slept with multiple people in a short space of time, but it was nothing more than a phase, and it's now past. Though the label has stuck with them. Doesn't mean they still sleep around though. Everyone has a past, and everyone's done shitty things that unfortunately people don't forget about.
With me, people haven't forgotten the fact I've cheated in relationships, yet that doesn't mean for a second that I'd do it again, and it doesn't mean that I can't be trusted in a relationship with someone else.

I get a lot of advice emails asking whether they should pursue something with someone who has a reputation, and I always say the same thing. Be a little cautious, and don't be afraid to ask about it if it's playing on your mind. It might not always be the most comfortable conversation. But if the other person is honest, and genuinely respects you as a person, they'll give their side, and it's up to you what you believe.

We tend to judge too easily, and put our defenses up too quickly, and to be honest we have good reason to, the last thing we ever want to do is get hurt. But what exactly do you achieve by not giving anyone/anything a chance? Life is full of taking risks, and especially when it comes to the people in our lives. If something has the chance to be awesome, then take it.

Being confident with identity.

I just read a blog post of a friend I used to be extremely close to before I came to Uni, (http://amy-dale.blogspot.com/) And one of her blog posts (Here goes nothing) talks about her identity as a person and how she see's herself.
Through-out life we all pick up different Labels/titles/identities such as Mother, Father, Boss, Employee, Wife, Husband etc, and they're all pretty standard yes? But sometimes we pick up more unique things within our identity which sometimes people find hard to accept. For example my friend Amy talks about how she feels there is a boy trapped within her body and that he is a part of her, and I really admire her courage to be able to tell people this part of her which is obviously very important to her identity, especially when it's something that not everyone finds themselves able to accept in a person. I'm not saying you should go and write a blog about all the unique things about you, but what I'm trying to say is that even though not everyone may be able to accept certain things about you. If they are things that are a part of you, mean a lot to you and make you happy, you shouldn't shy away from it.
A lot of people get depressed over hiding various parts of themselves and their lives because of what people may think about them, or that they've convinced themselves the people in their lives will leave and strangers will look at them in the street and say a load of crap. Sometimes unfortunately these things do happen, not everyone can accept things, or agree with how you feel etc. But if you're acting ashamed of yourself or a part of your life, you won't be happy. You have to embrace every part of you and be like 'This is me.'

As I said to my friend Amy, I wouldn't look her in any other way than the way I already see her. I see her as a great friend, someone I share many memories with etc. She's a lovely person, and someone that always has me in stitches about 90% of the time i'm with her (The other 10% I'm recovering from laughing at all the stupid things we do and say together!)

A lot of people may not feel the same as you, agree with you, or even accept it, but pretty much nearly everyone who cares about you will respect you and that whatever it is is a part of your life and a part of you!

My facebook and twitter is now linked at the side... if you hover over some random rectangle things on your right! :)
Or Email me at Shaneyxcakes@gmail.com

And don't forget to check out my friend Amy's blog! She's an awesome girl! :)

Selling yourself online.

I've been exploring the morality around selling yourself. It's all well known that most people condemn selling yourself as morally wrong, and de-grading.
However, it can be seen as a fetish, not a morally right one in the eyes of some, but what is the motive behind the people who are selling themselves in this way?

It's no lie that a lot of young people are struggling financially today, and we've found that quite a few people are selling themselves in this way online, sending photos and videos for a few quid a bunch, in order to pay their rent, buy their food, etc.

Is it really that wrong for two consensual people to do business this way? I don't believe it is, if consent is given between both sides, then were is the harm in this person selling a few pictures online, and the other person accepting and paying? The hurt and the upset comes if those people have partners and haven't agreed to their partner either selling or paying for these explicit materials.

But should we really judge these ways in which people make their lives a little more financially stable. If a few explicit pictures can save a family from being kicked out on the street, or keep people fed for a few more days. Then doesn't the good outweigh the fact of morally?

What do you guys think? Would you buy a few pictures to help someone financially? Or would you sell a few photos online to earn a few extra pennies?

Comment below, Follow us on twitter (@Rebbie_shane), Follow us on facebook, (link above).

Chances that are worth giving....

Another reason people get into the wrong relationships is that they give their trust to the wrong people.
People who have a reputation of messing people around/sleeping around/acting like tools etc. You know the people. And as people get to know and grow to like these people, despite knowing their reputation, still give them the benefit of the doubt.
Don't get me wrong, I'm the number one fan of giving people chances and the benefit of the doubt when you haven't known them during their past. But you should always keep your guard up with people like this.

People claim all the time that they have changed etc, and some people do, and everything is lovely. Unfortunately there are people who thrust that line on people to get them where they want to be, and to discard the 'rumours' and 'warnings' other people throw around.

I would never tell anyone in these situations to not give them the chance at all, but with people who have a dodgy reputation, it would be stupid to let yourself fall in too deeply. Understandable right?

But what really gets on my tits is that when people meet someone, and hear of these reputations they have from friends, and even people they don't know, and just discard them completely. Fair enough you want to give this person a chance, but you really have to tread carefully, because if you do discard these rumours and warnings that your friends are giving- honestly just to look out for you. And then these true colours show and you get hurt, and start crying to your friends, you really are going to look like a prize idiot.

However if you are take into account what your friends are warning you against and tread carefully- yet unfortunately still get hurt, you don't look so much like a fool.
It's in a lot of our nature to give people a chance and want things to work out, there's nothing wrong with that.
But one thing you need to remember is that you need to be realistic in what could happen.

Look at the person you're starting see, and look at his reputation, the chances are it came from somewhere, and if it's in the past, and he claims he's changed, then it's up to you whether you give this person the chance or not.
You can't always be right about the people you start your relationships with, but you do need to be realistic about the chances of this person hurting you.
Too many people are too trusting, or too delusional about the people they like. You need to keep a sensible head on it, and good luck in your relationships!