Can you give love a second chance?

Do you believe in giving love a second chance? I often wonder if all that stuff about things not being in the right time are true or not.

Is it possible for love to be put on hold, and pick it back up a couple of years later?

Is it possible to meet someone earlier than you're meant to?

There are always so many questions around failed relationships, you always find yourself thinking, 'what if...'

The saying 'An ex is an ex for a reason' is always said with such negativity, but should that always be the case? Just because someone is an ex, doesn't mean you can't pick up and relationship and start again with them, and be happy. Surely there are loads of couples out there who have broken up, spent time apart, maybe even seen other people in-between and then gotten back together.

Not every relationship ends over bad events, sure there is hurt, anger etc from atleast one side during most breakups, but that doesn't mean there was anything shady going on. Sometimes relationships just aren't right or working for a certain reason.

But people are always afraid of getting hurt again. Just because someone got hurt once, doesn't necessarily mean they're going to get hurt again... does it? Surely if it hurt that much, it's obviously something that is worth all of it, otherwise, why would it hurt so much?

Every relationship is different, and no one can tell you what to do. No matter how much they try. I've known a lot of situations that have included very cautious and protective friends, and it doesn't help. If anything, if you get in the way of two people who want to be together, being together. You're only going to cause more hurt.

Sometimes asking 'what if' isn't enough.

And sometimes even a past relationship that's failed once before, is worth giving that second chance. The more it hurt, the more genuine your love was for them, no matter how long it takes you to realise.

It's kinda hard to live without regrets...

Everyone says you shouldn't regret anything, regrets only cause you to be upset and quite often live in the past. Which to be fair is very true, but if there's nothing in life that we regret, what do we really learn from our mistakes?
All the biggest and most important social lessons I've learnt so far come from situations and decisions that have made me cringe like hell looking back on them. The things we tend not to regret are the things we get away with or we don't care too much about, so we end up making the same silly mistakes again.

Regret is a powerful thing, and as much people encourage you not to live your life with regrets, I think they are necessary to us, when it comes to learning life lessons. The trick is, not to allow them to make you think in the past, and of 'what could of been.' But to use them to fuel you to either fix the situation, or to avoid putting yourself in that situation again.

This is something I'm only learning properly now, I've spend the past few months with my head and my dreams back in last year, it's not healthy for you mentally or emotionally. All I know is that I have to take my regrets and try and use them positively, and maybe in the future I'll see it more of a learning curve than a mistake or a regret... and I'll be a little happier! :)

Sometimes when we're stuck in the middle of what to do in a situation, our heart tells us to do one thing, and our head tells us to do the complete opposite. Usually the decision your heart is telling you to do equals risking looking like a giant buffoon, or as silly as the speedo guy at my swimming centre. But at the same time, if you don't make that decision and follow your heart, you know you'll regret not trying. So what are you to do?
Some people say, if you want it enough, nothing will stop you reaching for it, and some say, if you want it enough, the thought of not achieving it or in situations of love and relationships being rejected is enough to scare you out of being honest.
At the end of the day, if you go with your head, there's always going to be some hurt with 'what could of been' but at least if you go with your heart, you actually have the chance of being completely happy. You just have to work out for yourself whether you're happy to risk it.

Love.

As a lot of people who know me personally know, I've been going through a really dark patch in my life. But with all dark patches that we go through, they are very big learning curves, with the mistakes that we make, and the regrets that we hold. Through this, one of the biggest questions that I've been thinking about is, What is love?

If you were to ask me now, what I thought love was, I would reply with 'the thing that drives you to support and be there for a person no matter what happens.'
Which I think can be applied to any kind of love, but I won't go into them all.

Falling in love is probably the most complicated thing we'll ever do. If you're lucky enough to have a completely smooth relationship then, congratulations. But most will have a patch or two where things are rough and things are hard, and it can physically tear you apart. But if you come out of these hard times, to be able to look at the person, and feel completely fallen for them once again, and happy when you see them. You know you have a genuine love right there. Taking on the world together is the challenge.

And one of the hardest things that we have to accept is that sometimes that person that we have fallen so completely in love with, has moved on and doesn't feel the same.
People say that love is blind, and it is, but only partially. We see all the positive things in a person, and we try not to focus on the negative points, even though we can see them, it doesn't change the way we feel about them. To us, they're still just as perfect.

You can go through a lot with a person, and that situation can cause you be angry/distraught/desperate and those emotions can drive you to do the wrong things, things that can hurt the people you love, ruin your relationship. Yet sometimes that person can look at you, and see not the angry person, but the happier person they're so familiar with, the person that made their lives so happy, the person they could tell anything to, and spend every second with. But what's more extraordinary is that, we can look at that person, and the things they've done, and even if they've done the worst things to hurt us, we can understand the reasons why, and forgive them.

I'm not good at letting people in, and sharing how I feel. We can block people out to the point that we push them away. None of us want to be in a vulnerable position, and falling in love is one of the most vulnerable things we can do. So sometimes we hurt them by being cold, cutting them out of certain things. I know I've ended relationships I've been so happy in because I didn't want to be hurt.

We find it so hard to explain how we feel, and sometimes we just don't want to. My friends ask me how I feel all the time, but what can you say when you don't even know yourself?

No matter what you go through, love will drive your desire to support them, and have them there. But it's never always as easy as that.
Sometimes we can be too proud to let a love back in, if you've been hurt before by a person, and sworn before everyone you'd never give them another chance, made such a riot over how bad him/her are, you can stop yourself from giving love that second chance, and who knows then, what you're missing out on.
The love that means the most to us, is always the love that needs the most work to make it a happy relationship. People say love shouldn't be hard work, but love can be the thing that causes us the most pain, so of course, to heal, you need to work. But at the end of it all, you can be truly happy. You just have to ask yourself, if you're both serious about it, is that feeling they give you, worth it?

You can't have any kind of relationship without trust, but you can build one from desire, if you both want it enough, you can make anything happen. Never limit the chances you give love.

Chances that are worth giving....

Another reason people get into the wrong relationships is that they give their trust to the wrong people.
People who have a reputation of messing people around/sleeping around/acting like tools etc. You know the people. And as people get to know and grow to like these people, despite knowing their reputation, still give them the benefit of the doubt.
Don't get me wrong, I'm the number one fan of giving people chances and the benefit of the doubt when you haven't known them during their past. But you should always keep your guard up with people like this.

People claim all the time that they have changed etc, and some people do, and everything is lovely. Unfortunately there are people who thrust that line on people to get them where they want to be, and to discard the 'rumours' and 'warnings' other people throw around.

I would never tell anyone in these situations to not give them the chance at all, but with people who have a dodgy reputation, it would be stupid to let yourself fall in too deeply. Understandable right?

But what really gets on my tits is that when people meet someone, and hear of these reputations they have from friends, and even people they don't know, and just discard them completely. Fair enough you want to give this person a chance, but you really have to tread carefully, because if you do discard these rumours and warnings that your friends are giving- honestly just to look out for you. And then these true colours show and you get hurt, and start crying to your friends, you really are going to look like a prize idiot.

However if you are take into account what your friends are warning you against and tread carefully- yet unfortunately still get hurt, you don't look so much like a fool.
It's in a lot of our nature to give people a chance and want things to work out, there's nothing wrong with that.
But one thing you need to remember is that you need to be realistic in what could happen.

Look at the person you're starting see, and look at his reputation, the chances are it came from somewhere, and if it's in the past, and he claims he's changed, then it's up to you whether you give this person the chance or not.
You can't always be right about the people you start your relationships with, but you do need to be realistic about the chances of this person hurting you.
Too many people are too trusting, or too delusional about the people they like. You need to keep a sensible head on it, and good luck in your relationships!