Webcam performers and our relationships

It's been a while since I've posted one of my sex related blogs, and I've had a few messages requesting for their return... (you massive perverts! haha.)

So my topic today is all about webcam performers, and whether we should kick up a fuss over finding our partners viewing their material...

As with everything at the end of the day, it all comes down to a matter of opinion, and the truth is, a lot of women think that webcam performers are 'sluts' and 'cheap'. Where with guys, it's a middle split, a lot more males feel slightly more positive towards the idea of webcam performers, especially female and couple performers! ....This is probably because they're the main audience for these type of shows! Though society today is becoming a lot more open when it comes to sex and sexuality. So... Should we accept webcam performers, or not?

I've had this conversation with many people, both males and females and I get asked whether it's acceptable to watch webcam performers/go to strip clubs etc, when they're in a relationship and their partner's at home.

A lot of people make the mistake of putting webcam performers in the same league as other sex workers, such as escorts and prostitutes, as in thinking they're just as morally wrong. This is not the case in the slightest, obviously for the main reason of, there's an actual physical experience between someone and a escort/prostitute, and it's actually classed as cheating! =p.

If you caught your partner watching a webcam performer, would you be annoyed? Is there a reason to be annoyed?
I've been asked this question a lot, at the end of the day, it does come down to whether it upsets you or not. Personally, I may be a little wounded by it, but at the end of the day, it's just a fantasy. If your partner is sat at the computer wanking over some randomer on the internet, who he doesn't have a relationship with outside of that, are they really doing anything wrong? It's just like them masturbating over a celebrity....

Obviously except for the fact our partner's are paying for them....

A lot of the girls do it for an income, that isn't to say they don't enjoy it... who doesn't enjoy masturbating! But that girl isn't going to be in love with my partner, that girl isn't going to take my partner away from me. All she's going to get from my partner, is a few quid over a wank on webcam... None of us like to think of our partners getting off sexually over other people. But at the end of the day, they're sat at home jacking off, not cheating on you and sticking it in a prostitute...

In my opinion, what's wrong with a little fantasy? But everyone is different, some people would be upset by it, and one thing about being in a relationship is that you have to know each others limits, what lines you can cross etc, like you do with things like banter. It's the same with things like this, if you know your partner would be upset if they found you in that situation, then you should probably steer away from that situation out of respect for your partner.
If you're unsure about the situation, and are curious to your partners opinion, you can bring up the topic without giving the game away. Talk about a stag/hen party-->>Strippers -->> other forms of sexual entertainment, or if you're online, mention a pop up about webcamming, (there's bloody enough of them!).

Or, to avoid all the hassle, hide in your cave and fap to your hearts content... =P

As always feel free to email me with any questions, comments, or advice, here: RebbieShaneOfficial@gmail.com
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A little update on me.

I get asked a lot to do a blog every now and again about myself and to update people on what's going on in my life, with finishing University, I've not had a lot of time to put into my blogs and my posts. I know I keep saying I'll have time to dedicate to my blog, but this time, I actually really will. I'll make sure my new housemates will stop me from slacking!!

So.. I'm graduating university with a 2:2, which I'm pretty proud of, I could of done better, but... University life distracted me... ;) haha. I celebrated my 21st birthday on Thursday (June 27th). I went to New York with my Mum for the week and we had an amazing time. Look at this view, who wouldn't want to stand on the top of New York on their birthday? =D

The last few months have been a massive change for me, leaving the lovely town of Aberystwyth, and my amazing housemates, in our big party house! I love you all very dearly and I wish you guys all the best, and I will come and see you all regularly, I promise!! I'm moving towns, back to England! With my best friend of 9 years Kim, her boyfriend and my friend Joe! I'll let you know how I settle in when I go next week!
I'm shitting myself for graduation, I have no idea why, I don't like the idea of getting up on a stage (Yes, my degree was in Drama and Theatre haha). I'd just rather have it sent to me in the post, but mother wants to see me graduate, so I suppose I have to go! haha.

The question pretty much everyone has asked me, and it's the juicy one. My love life....

What love life? Haha. There is absolutely no male interest in my life right now, fuck boys, my job is listening to people bitching about their relationships, and you guys have put me off =P haha. I'm only teasing! I'm just really happy with my life, and exploring new things, trying to figure out exactly what I want to do with my life. I'm not actively looking for anyone, but you know, the flow can be good, so I'm just going with it.
A lot of you ask me, what kind of guys I go for, I've collected the questions, so I'm going to answer! :).

Question time!

Looks or personality?

To an extent, both. But I'm definitely more of a personality type of girl, (just look at some of my ex boyfriends, and you'll understand why!) Haha, but it's always a personality that hooks me.

Do you like guys with big muscles?

NOOOO! haha. A little bit of muscle is fine, actually, a little more than fine, but nothing is more unattractive to me than someone who's more muscle than anything else. It just doesn't work for me. The guys I think look best? The ones that have a little bit of muscle but have a squish! It makes it all the better to cuddle with.

Would you rather sit and eat junk or go out for run?

Come on guys! I'm 5'3" and a size UK 12/14, I love the food. I'm not the type of girl who checks her weight, eats nothing but salad and works out. I love a cosy night in, with a Domino's pizza. I have a nice big butt that's firm and made of pizza.

What's the most important trait to you in a partner?

Definitely a sense of humour, and a love for banter. I'm not overly harsh with my banter, but I couldn't have a relationship with someone who couldn't take it. It's my way of saying, 'Hey man, I kinda like you!'

What's the most important thing you look for in life?

Happiness. I don't really ask for anything more than to be happy. I don't need lots of money, and I am pretty ambitious, but having a successful career isn't the most important thing to me. All I want is to have my friends and loved ones around me, and just live life. As long as I can get by, and everyone around me is happy and safe. What more could you ask for?

Would you like to get married and have kids?

Both of them, the same answer, definitely. I love the idea of marriage and what it represents. I'm not looking to get married any time soon or to start popping out kids, but a while down the line, to be able to have that, I think would be really amazing. I am a very people orientated person, I cherish every single person in my life, I always have done, even if I don't always show it.

You seem like a girl who can get a little feisty.. are you?

Depends who you are and what you've done haha. I am a really passionate person so the feist is in there! I can be the most loving and caring, calm person you'll meet, but my tongue can get a little sharp if you've pissed me off. haha.

What kind of girlfriend are you like?

I think most people change with every relationship, we learn a lot of our flaws from relationships, and we pick up other peoples, and what not to do. Like most teenagers, when you like someone it's really intense, and you act like a loon. I know I did. But now, I'm actually on the whole, a really relaxed person in relationships. But like all girls, we get an insecure moment every now and again, I always keep mine to myself, but it still stresses me out here and there!

Do you have your eye on anyone now?

Nope, the odd celebrity crush, and the odd friend who I think is actually pretty good looking, but nothing further than that! :)

Keep sending in your questions guys! Or if you have any post suggestions, or advice questions.
RebbieShaneOfficial@gmail.com
Get in touch on Facebook, or Twitter (@Rebbie_Shane)

We are awesome, but yet really crazy people!

'I'm awesome at giving people relationship advice, but I suck at my own relationships...' 

This is something I've seen a lot on my Facebook recently, and we all know it's different to tackle a situation when it's yours to tackle. Especially when it comes down to relationships and friendships, we're so emotionally involved in the situation we make desperate attempts to try and fix them, and a lot of them are usually little things that we've just over thought.

I'm doing it at the moment. I'm moving away from Aberystwyth a week today, and I'm texting all my friends and getting frustrated with them because most of them aren't getting back to me about making plans with them. And I'm starting to feel like a bit of a crazy person. They'll only complain if I don't have time to meet them later on in the week ;). It's a bit mental isn't it, how we can suddenly switch into crazy people and start acting stupid. We feel quite embarrassed afterwards, but at the end of the day, we're only doing it because we care. If we didn't care, our relationships with friends etc, would never work out.

As much as we need to learn not to let ourselves get so worked up by these little things and act in that crazy way, I know a lot of people on that receiving end do sometimes need reminding that when someone has a crazy moment, it's not because they are crazy, they're just feeling a little insecure.

I wouldn't give a shit usually if my friends weren't making plans with me, but it's not as if I'll still be here next week! =p. Total hint there guys!

Young relationships are the worst for this, with hormones flying everywhere, it's so easy for us when we're younger to get worked up, and get over emotional about things. A lot of us, I know look back at our 14/15 year old selves and think, 'How fucking stupid were we?!'  It's perfectly normal. But we learn from all these mistakes, and as we get older, we tend to calm down... if only a little! But helping out a friend in their situation is a lot easier than helping yourself out of a situation.

If you take my example from earlier, I know a lot of us get a little too worked up by a lack of communication, and what do we say to friends that are moaning about someone not calling/texting them back...? 'It's ok, they'll get back to you when they can.' It's so fucking easy when you're not the one waiting to hear from them, where as what's going through your mind when it's you in that situation...?

Stupid things like, 'Oh, but what if they don't text, and I don't text, and.. there's nothing...' oh, and the best female line of; cue moaning voice; 'What if he's going offff meeeee?' Too many people I know talk like that, and it's the most stupid and the most annoying thing in the world.

Want to hear the one I've been saying the past couple of days??

'But if I don't see them, I might never see them again.' I'm saying, Fuck off Rebbie, you're a nobhead. (Yes, to myself). 

The best thing to do when you're feeling insecure and panicky is to distract yourself, grab your friend that pulls you back down to earth and go out and do something. The worst thing you can do is sit alone and think about it... (I've just realised I'm sat alone, on my bed, writing this blogpost... awkward!). Because you'll just over think and think it's a bigger deal than it actually is :).

Should you listen to reputations?

Everyone has a reputation of some kind, good or bad. But do we judge people too quickly from what we hear from other people? 

Just because someone claims someone is a certain thing, doesn't necessarily mean it's true. Reputations aren't always accurate. I've known plenty of people whose reputation gets carved over one person's lie, that's spread around the town. Though more often than not, there are some truths behind a reputation. As the saying goes, there's no smoke without fire.

People's relationships can be heavily affected by a reputation, whether it's a friendship or a romantic relationship, as someone's reputation could doubt someone into thinking whether or not they can trust the other person. To be honest, pretty much the only real way you have to find out, is by your own personal experience, or you've seen first hand the behaviour that's sparked it all off. If you don't personally know, you don't have a right to judge, though it doesn't mean you can't take what you've heard into account and be cautious. But to judge someone you don't know completely on hear'say is never fair.

They say there's no smoke without fire, and quite often someone's reputation has some kind of truth behind it, but does that define them as a person?
For example, one of the most common reputations that tends to stir trouble is when people are known to have slept around/be a slag. Where it's true that some people live up to that reputation, it's not the case for everyone, some people have gone through a small phase where they have slept with multiple people in a short space of time, but it was nothing more than a phase, and it's now past. Though the label has stuck with them. Doesn't mean they still sleep around though. Everyone has a past, and everyone's done shitty things that unfortunately people don't forget about.
With me, people haven't forgotten the fact I've cheated in relationships, yet that doesn't mean for a second that I'd do it again, and it doesn't mean that I can't be trusted in a relationship with someone else.

I get a lot of advice emails asking whether they should pursue something with someone who has a reputation, and I always say the same thing. Be a little cautious, and don't be afraid to ask about it if it's playing on your mind. It might not always be the most comfortable conversation. But if the other person is honest, and genuinely respects you as a person, they'll give their side, and it's up to you what you believe.

We tend to judge too easily, and put our defenses up too quickly, and to be honest we have good reason to, the last thing we ever want to do is get hurt. But what exactly do you achieve by not giving anyone/anything a chance? Life is full of taking risks, and especially when it comes to the people in our lives. If something has the chance to be awesome, then take it.

Still Breaking?

A lot of the advice I get asked for is how to deal with breakups and how to get over someone, everyone has their own way of getting over someone. How do I get over someone? I spend all my  time with my favourite people, and the people who make me laugh the most. To me, laughter is the best medicine for anything. When I'm alone, I watch comedy films and TV. It's unbelievable how much it does take your mind off things, or at least calm you down when you're feeling emotional.

The thing I hear the most when I'm talking to people who have just broken up is, that when they see each other the 'chemistry' is still there, and they go on about how happy they are with them, but 2 minutes earlier they were telling me how upset and angry their partner made them feel, and usually you just want to shake the person, and be like, can you hear yourself?! But everyone goes through the same thing at some point in their lives.

Sometimes break-ups/breaks do make you realise how much you do love that person, and how much you didn't appreciate them, or how you should of appreciated them more. Mostly, we just forget the reason why we broke up with them, and we start to see that person in this wonderful light, oh the curse of rose tinted glasses! That's one phrase that's been thrown at me many times by my friend Hannah recently!

We too easily forget why we've broken up with them, and how we felt, the initial break-up hurts more than the relationship did, so we think we're better off in it. I'm sorry to break it to you all, but you have to work for your happiness in this world. If you're not happy in that relationship, you have to fight through the pain, to achieve any gain! Is that pain in the relationship really worth going back to, when the relationship is good, it's great and it makes you feel amazing... but it doesn't mean for you to feel that you have to go through all the shit that makes you unhappy. Every relationship has shitty stages, but if you're often upset in your relationship, can you honestly say you're truly happy?

Some people have the complete opposite problem, some people, break up over something that they really shouldn't of done, and still want to be with each other, but are too stubborn to open up, because they're terrified of getting hurt. What's even more crazy is that they know both of them feel the same way. Just bloody go for it, swallow your fear, and do a special gesture. Otherwise... if you both keep shut, you won't ever get around to fixing anything.

Breakups are a weird time, they can be the most confusing times, or they can just clarify everything. Sometimes, it's an instant reaction, where some people don't feel it months down the line. Either way, usually,  you shouldn't listen to the first emotion you feel...

It's kinda hard to live without regrets...

Everyone says you shouldn't regret anything, regrets only cause you to be upset and quite often live in the past. Which to be fair is very true, but if there's nothing in life that we regret, what do we really learn from our mistakes?
All the biggest and most important social lessons I've learnt so far come from situations and decisions that have made me cringe like hell looking back on them. The things we tend not to regret are the things we get away with or we don't care too much about, so we end up making the same silly mistakes again.

Regret is a powerful thing, and as much people encourage you not to live your life with regrets, I think they are necessary to us, when it comes to learning life lessons. The trick is, not to allow them to make you think in the past, and of 'what could of been.' But to use them to fuel you to either fix the situation, or to avoid putting yourself in that situation again.

This is something I'm only learning properly now, I've spend the past few months with my head and my dreams back in last year, it's not healthy for you mentally or emotionally. All I know is that I have to take my regrets and try and use them positively, and maybe in the future I'll see it more of a learning curve than a mistake or a regret... and I'll be a little happier! :)

Sometimes when we're stuck in the middle of what to do in a situation, our heart tells us to do one thing, and our head tells us to do the complete opposite. Usually the decision your heart is telling you to do equals risking looking like a giant buffoon, or as silly as the speedo guy at my swimming centre. But at the same time, if you don't make that decision and follow your heart, you know you'll regret not trying. So what are you to do?
Some people say, if you want it enough, nothing will stop you reaching for it, and some say, if you want it enough, the thought of not achieving it or in situations of love and relationships being rejected is enough to scare you out of being honest.
At the end of the day, if you go with your head, there's always going to be some hurt with 'what could of been' but at least if you go with your heart, you actually have the chance of being completely happy. You just have to work out for yourself whether you're happy to risk it.

Hold your passions

High emotions are what gets our passion going, whether it's in lust, rage or something else. Lust and Rage are the two heightened emotions we go through, they can create massive wounds, but they can also heal them.

There's such a fine line between love and hate, we say we hate the people we love, we don't. We have a passion for them, the people we're in love with, can boil our blood to the maximum point. Why? Because they're the people who have the ability to hurt us the most. Our anger, is only us protecting ourselves from the possible hurt that can come from a situation.

But this anger, also does the most damage in a relationship.
We say and do things in the spur of the moment, out of this passion. But those things are usually the extreme acts that tear relationships apart. We end up with a lot of regrets in failed relationships, for exactly this reason.
We do horrible things, which in the moment, seem like the right thing to do, they seem like a way to hurt someone that's hurting us. But as we calm down, we realise the true effects of our actions.

We're all guilty of this, and most of us will know how much damage it can do to a relationship.
Passion and lust is a wonderful thing, but it's always very dangerous. Try not to act on your immediate emotions. You never know if the broken pieces are light enough to pick up!