Everyone knows it's an unwritten rule. You never get with a friends ex. True, it is generally a very messy zone to be involved in. But what happens when you do fall for the one person you can't have because of this very reason?
There are a series of things you need to consider, such as how did their relationship end, who broke up with you, how does each person still feel about their ex partner, or if your friend has moved on and is happy with someone else etc...
Obviously if your friend still has feelings for their ex partner, or something along that street, then it's pretty obvious you'd be a shitty friend to then get with that person.
However the situation is different, say if a fair amount of time has passed, your friend was the one who ended the relationship, and is now happy seeing someone else. Then maybe it would be acceptable to then maybe consider it.
Every situation and relationship is different, a mix and match of these situations and more aspects to consider, but you get the idea? Sum up the situation and see if it would be reasonable to maybe take the next step.
If you decide that you and your friends ex partner want to be together, and looking at their relationship with your friend and the situation seems plausible that your friend may actually be OK with it. The one thing you should probably do is talk to your friend about it, and explain how you feel, and find out how they feel about it and whether they would accept your relationship with their ex if there was to be one.
It's just a case of respect, and not wanting to hurt your friend. Everyone is different, some people believe that under no circumstances should you be with their ex partner etc. But as their friend you would have more of an idea of their views on it and whether it's worth taking that gamble.
Obviously even having that talk can make things uncomfortable with your friend, but real friends would see, even if not straight away, that if you're not going to get with their ex because you're putting their feelings first, even if it's a bit uncomfortable and awkward for you guys for a little while. They'll see how much you respect them and will respect you back.
Most people do believe in this unwritten rule, but if that person is someone you really fall for, sometimes your views do change, and the way you go about it proves how much of a friend you are.
These things do happen, however no one really talks about that much... If you ever find yourself in this situation, go about it how you think is best, but honesty really is the best policy in my opinion... So hopefully you'll keep this in mind :).
It's a really touchy topic and I'd love to hear your views on this. Email me at Shaneyxcakes@gmail.com
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I've never really been in any part of this situation to be honest.
ReplyDeleteThe closest I've got to something like it is recently, I'm fairly sure you're aware of it, but in truth, there wasn't anything to talk about. :)
Depends on the people, some people can be a little sensitive about it.
ReplyDeleteIt usually all depends on their feelings for their ex parter/person they were once seeing.
I'm sure if he still had the same feelings as he did before, you wouldn't of gone there :) x
Indeed.
ReplyDeleteIt's all about respect, as you said.
I seem to have come out of the whole slightly awkward (potentially much more serious) situation unscathed.
He's still a great friend and now I have I great girlfriend.
:D x
Yeah, it's a perfect example of what I'm talking about.
ReplyDeleteSome of the things I mentioned to consider, for example, the time passed, the fact he's happy with someone else etc. It seemed to be ok :D.
I guess the fact it was never serious with this great girlfriend and your friend also made it a lot simpler :P x
When I was younger my 'best friend' went for my ex the second we broke up. A couple of days after, they were together. I guilt-tripped her into breaking it off, which was evil of me tbf but I doubt they had any real feelings... ex just trying to spite me and my friend was always envious of my boyfriends.
ReplyDeleteBut I've also been on the other side... and I remember how hurt one of my friends was when she saw me kiss her ex (even though they'd been apart quite some time), but that's not something you can really plan to ask them first...
People go about things differently, but with experiences with the people in my life, It's been a hell of a lot easier on everyone, when the friend in question talks to their friend to see how they feel about it.
ReplyDeleteI've had a friend who got with an ex boyfriend of mine. But before it was all confirmed i asked her about it, saying I'd be fine with it if it was true, she denied it.
Turns out she was lying, but it hurt me because she went behind my back about it and lied
Other people who have been in this kind of situation agree.
Everyone goes about it and believes differently. But surely it would be better to approach the person to say, this is how i feel, are you ok with this. Rather than doing it without their knowledge, because they can just feel like you've gone behind their back.
But as i say, each to their own, it's just something i've learnt from mine and the people around me's experience :). It's always going be awkward figuring out how you'd go about the conversation.
It was wrong of your 'Best friend' to get with your ex as soon as you broke up :/. That's a bit of a punch in the face. Although, I guess with your guilt tripping you were basically letting her know how you felt about it. :) x
i think there is no rule there cant be its not plausible there are to many variables to set rules
ReplyDeletetbh i don't think it would be right for a friend to get with a ex, if that kinda thing happened to me i'd be very hurt and upset but what happens happens, i wouldn't stop it because that would make me look desperate :P I'd just lose a friend at the end of it.
ReplyDeleteAwesome blog btw :) xx
That's exactly where I was going with it, everyone talks about how no-one should ever go there, but with the amount of variables in relationships, different circumstances/different people, different things can work or not work.
ReplyDeleteSuze, It is really upsetting when it happens, especially when you still like them or had an amazing relationship with them. It does feel like a betrayal but sometimes you don't always feel that hurt, with some people you do just get over and it won't bother you. But each to their own opinion, it's not something people should all consider, because at the end of the day there's a massive chance of hurting someone. But sometimes it does happen and it all works out happy :) x