The new site!

For those of you who don't know. I have a new site on wordpress.
You can find it here at www.RebbieShane.wordpress.com

Thank you everyone for your continued support :)

Rebbie's Dating Adventure... Part 3

So many messages from people asking why I hadn't updated any of you on what was going on in my OkCupid world... That's because nothing much had really been happening... except what I'm about to talk about towards the end...
I did the thing I knew I would do, and that is, struggle to find the time to answer to everyone's messages.. (I started to feel bad when I didn't reply)...
So I started slacking...
The annoying thing with OkCupid is that the site tells people on your profile how often you reply to your messages... so I'm one of these people now who reply 'Selectively' or even 'Very selectively' and if I'm honest, that makes me feel like a bitch. haha. If I could reply to all the messages all the time, I would. I love talking to people, however unfortunately.... I cant!! :(.

I was sat with my housemate, (Also on OkCupid... in fact,  all 3 of my housemates are on there!) and on the quickmatch (Where rate randomly generated profiles) I got all 3 of them on my quick match within a few minutes! It was interesting to see their profiles, especially seen as two of them are together.

Although now, I have registered as an 'A-list' member, which means I get a few extra special magic powers on the site, such as, I can browse peoples profiles without them knowing I did... Finally, that was the one thing about the site that I hated...

And I can finally see, who said they liked me.... so if I find someone on that list that I find interesting... I already know they kinda atleast think the same about me. So yay!.

However there was one guy I was talking to, seemed normal, looked normal, weirdly looked very much like someone I had a fling with once... and I'm not saying he wasn't normal, he was. He just totally didn't look like the type of guy who would be into the stuff he was... He just looked like your average kid, very generic, (my old friend who he looked like was an absolute pussy, so I kinda assumed he would be a little softy too) so we were talking for a fair few weeks... he found my blog and asked my opinion on certain things like escorting etc... then obviously, escorting moved on to sexual desire and then he told me he was into really hardcore domination, and I froze. I'm not someone who likes to talk about their sexual desires, especially over the internet with someone I don't know... So I had spent the whole conversation being like 'erm.. I don't know, you?' Then he just threw me out of the water with this one. I was like daaaamn boy!
It kinda reminded me, not to judge a book by it's cover... everyone has their little kinks, and some people's can be VERY surprising!

One tip for those of you on dating websites etc. This may be a very obvious thing to watch out for, but if someone is straight away saying that 'oh your photo makes me want to do naughty things' 3 guesses what they're all about. I had someone do this to me yesterday. Though his username was something along the lines of 'thepartyanimal' so you really can't be surprised. And the same applies if they ask for your number straight away.
Why would I give my number to some stranger on the internet? That has only sent me 2 messages? Stay safe on the internet kids ! :)

Remember you can always get in touch via
Facebook
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or email me at :RebbieShaneOfficial@gmail.com

Do we need to have it all to be happy?

What does it take to make a person happy? Are we ever truly happy? One thing I have learnt over the past couple of years is that, there isn't one sole thing that can make any of us happy.

Money can't buy you happiness
A career doesn't give you emotional support
And love doesn't make you feel like you've accomplished anything.

If one of those three things are missing, we become unhappy. We either; Feel alone without love, Feel like we're wasting our lives or we're stressed and angry because we can't pay the bills. To be truly happy do we need to have it all?

A year ago I made the decision to end a relationship because drama connected to home and people around my partner were affecting my grades at university. (If my mum's reading this, she'll be well proud I picked uni over a boy!) But I often think about him, as well as an old friend who made the opposite decision a few months earlier than I made mine. And I wonder how her life is, and how happy she is. I really hope she is happy. But with every big decision you make, you always wonder, what if?

I now have my degree, but I'm living in a city where I have barely any friends, and I'm very much alone here. And as a lot of my friends back home know, I'm finding it rather difficult. So I often wonder if I had been happier making a different decision? My degree will never compensate from having the love of my friends and family around me, but I know if I had made a different decision, I would always regret not finishing my degree, and it would have been the biggest mistake I made.

So, do we really need to have everything to be happy? And sometimes, no matter what we do, can we just not win? Surely not everyone can have it all...

How do you know if it's just sex?

When we start a sexual relationship with someone, one of the quickest misunderstandings we come to is the other person's intentions towards you. You learn pretty quickly in life, that a lot of the people, quite a lot of the time are just looking for something casual. I  get emailed a lot by people explaining their situations and asking whether it sounds like they're just after sex/something casual or a relationship.... so here are a few points to consider, which I believe are the most obvious ways of knowing that you're in a casual/just sex based relationship.

1) You never leave the bedroom: One of the obvious ones. If you guys are always in the bedroom... and I don't mean you go screwing outside, that really doesn't count. If your relationship is just in bed, no drinks, no movies, no nights out. You're 'relationship' isn't going anywhere...

2) You don't talk about future plans: A little similar to number one, but if you don't even make plans to go out and do anything else, then this person isn't interesting in anything emotional. If you say 'we should go see a film this week' and the next time you meet up... it's in your bedroom or his. You're stuck in a non-relationship.

3) They aren't telling their friends: If no one really knows apart from your friends that you're screwing this person... yeah, they aren't that bothered.

4) They act different towards you in public: I don't mean that they're not overly affectionate, because some people just aren't like that in public. But if they don't hold your hand, or only hold your hand down the quieter streets. Also if they change the way they speak to you, if they aren't so familiar with you in their conversation or tone, they're trying not to arouse any suspicion. 

5) Their text frequency: Everyone knows when you're into someone, you text them more than you would anyone else. If they only reply to say... half your conversation starters or you only have short conversations. They aren't that bothered. If you find yourself finding a reason to text them, in order for them to text you back a lot of the time... then you've been suckered.

There are so many more reasons as to how you can figure out if the person you're dating is in fact dating or not dating you too. But these in my opinion are the biggest and most obvious. If you have any questions, or anything, as always feel free to contact me either by:

Emailing me at: RebbieShaneOfficial@gmail.com
Liking us on Facebook: Rebbie-Shane
Following us on Twitter: @Rebbie_Shane

Make peace, and watch the world go round.

Everyone's lives are always moving in one direction or another, but there comes a time, or maybe a few times where we just feel ourselves pause and the world suddenly looks very different.

This usually happens at a time of some kind of shock or trauma, at the death of a close one, or some horrible news like an illness, and we feel alone. Even though everyone is around us and there for us, we are the only person paused in that moment, and we watch everyone's lives carry on without us.

It makes you appreciate and realise a lot of things you would normally dismiss. I've hit the pause button quite a lot recently and I see that things aren't as pretty as I thought.

People come and go from your life all the time, some stay for a brief moment, others can be around for years. It's funny, some people can make such a huge impact on you during their brief moment, but we don't even notice some of the ones that have been around for years. Relationships change, new ones are made and one relationship can distance another, especially when it comes to romantic relationships and friendships. But during these times when we're paused in our own world. Things become clear, and things that we thought were clear turn out to be a lot more complicated than we thought.

In my world, I feel like a lone soldier stood on a hill, looking down at battlefield full of different wars. I see friends fighting in their relationships, and I see people totally focused on working on their careers to the point where anything outside that career is unimportant to them. It's then that I realised, I am only a small part of everyone else's life, if I died tomorrow, people would stop for that moment and remember me, but before long people's lives will start to run normally again, and I'd begin to be forgotten... Maybe never totally, but I wouldn't be a first thought. Not that I want everyone's attention, but at the end of the day, once someone has gone, that's one thing in your life you just can't change. You can't change a relationship with someone who's no longer there, so why do we waste our time fighting with people we love when we don't need to? Sure we all laugh about those fights afterwards, but what if we couldn't?

I have an ex-boyfriend where the relationship (like most people's) caused me a fair amount hurt at one.. or several points in the relationship. It wasn't easy, but after months of anger, hurt, upset... maybe even a little bit of crazy... I didn't get the point in fighting, and we're in a good place. He's not the biggest part of my life, but every time I visit my hometown, me and James hang out, eat pub food and laugh. I'm not saying everyone should be chummy with their ex or people that have wronged us, but if anything happened, I can honestly say I pretty much have no regrets and I'd remember him for all the good things, in fact I barely think about the bad....

If someone once touched your life in a positive way, that's how you should remember them. Don't remember them for their mistakes or their negativity. If anything just use it as a life lesson, and put comfort in the positive memories. None of us want to be remembered for our mistakes or bad deeds, so we should we look at someone else for theirs? Peace is a powerful thing, someone doesn't have to still be a part of your life to make an impact. An old friend of mine passed away around Christmas time, and even though both our lives had moved on from each others and we'd both gone to different uni's and I hadn't actually seen him for 2 years. I realised I didn't always appreciate him fully for what he was. He was the most genuine, caring person along with so many other wonderful traits.

You don't have to continue a relationship with someone, but it's amazing how much comfort you find in just making peace in a situation, even if you then never speak to them again. People forget how powerful that moment is when look at someone and just let go, you find a lot of honesty in those moments, and a lot of the time, there's a lot of love. Whether it's between friends, old lovers, relatives... you never really move on without closure. Next time you see someone you haven't seen in a really long time and you still get that negative feeling, ask yourself why and make peace with it. Because no one looks beautiful bitter.

Can you give love a second chance?

Do you believe in giving love a second chance? I often wonder if all that stuff about things not being in the right time are true or not.

Is it possible for love to be put on hold, and pick it back up a couple of years later?

Is it possible to meet someone earlier than you're meant to?

There are always so many questions around failed relationships, you always find yourself thinking, 'what if...'

The saying 'An ex is an ex for a reason' is always said with such negativity, but should that always be the case? Just because someone is an ex, doesn't mean you can't pick up and relationship and start again with them, and be happy. Surely there are loads of couples out there who have broken up, spent time apart, maybe even seen other people in-between and then gotten back together.

Not every relationship ends over bad events, sure there is hurt, anger etc from atleast one side during most breakups, but that doesn't mean there was anything shady going on. Sometimes relationships just aren't right or working for a certain reason.

But people are always afraid of getting hurt again. Just because someone got hurt once, doesn't necessarily mean they're going to get hurt again... does it? Surely if it hurt that much, it's obviously something that is worth all of it, otherwise, why would it hurt so much?

Every relationship is different, and no one can tell you what to do. No matter how much they try. I've known a lot of situations that have included very cautious and protective friends, and it doesn't help. If anything, if you get in the way of two people who want to be together, being together. You're only going to cause more hurt.

Sometimes asking 'what if' isn't enough.

And sometimes even a past relationship that's failed once before, is worth giving that second chance. The more it hurt, the more genuine your love was for them, no matter how long it takes you to realise.

The first month.

So in a few days, I'll have been on the dating site for a month now, and so far, I'm really enjoying it. I've managed to meet some awesome people and make some new friends! (Which, considering I know no one in Chester, It definitely became a bit of a sanity saver!)

I love that the site is free to use, though for some extra's you have to pay. Such as, being able to browse on people's profiles invisibly. The site tells you when someone views your profile and who it is, which I hate. Because now whenever someone views my profile and doesn't message me, I'm like 'Hey! What's wrong with me?!' ;) Haha, I'm joking but for people who get a lot of views and very little messages, it could be a bit disheartening! I feel bad viewing someones profile, especially someone's who has messaged me and not messaging back... I've found myself messaging them back so I don't feel guilty!
Because, if you message someone, they view your profile and don't message you back, you know you've just been full blown rejected... at least if you don't see them viewing your profile, you can at least pretend they've just come online and read your message.... 3 weeks... 4 weeks later!

This one is a flaw in me rather than the site, but for the first few days when it was all awesome and exciting and I was finally socialising with people in the outside world, I was replying to all my messages and checking up on all my notifications. But I do this thing that I do with all these kind of sites, I get tired of my phone blowing up with notifications and having the same, small talk conversations of 'hi, how are you?' and then going into what you're doing with yourself nowadays. I got a bit sick of telling my life story over and over again. So I kept saying to myself that I'll check them later... before I knew it, it was a week later. Rubbish Rebbie! From my previous research into similar sites, I do know that new profiles do get put on display to other users more, so they get more messages and therefore continue using the site, which is a great method... But I, personally get a little bored with constant notifications and I do have a habit of neglecting my account. :(.

The thing I love most about the site, is definitely the people on it. I love reading the profiles of other users and seeing little quirks in their personality, and the messages that I've received where people have noticed things on my profile.
Two of the most popular point on my profile have to be these;

My love for dominoes is unreal, you get me a chicken pizza with a BBQ stuffed crust, I will be yours for life.

So many people laughed at me for this, and so many people actually remembered the advert, but I didn't know what it was. But after about 3 weeks of searching.... I found it!

Mushy Pea Advert << You tell me that isn't emotionally destroying. I just can't eat pea's anymore...

I'm still looking for the fork advert though!

I'm sorry there isn't much juicy gossip to spill during my first month. I'm saving the juicy-ness for my next post!
Oh and if you find the advert, link it to me via, Email, Facebook, or Twitter