Forgiving them...

At some point, the majority of us do end up getting hurt in a relationship, and sometimes we find it hard to forgive and let go, we stick around the people that hurt us, and to be honest we don't always really know why.
We believe we still want them in our lives, but deep down do we? And is it really a good idea?

Relationships can be hard to get over, and sometimes when we are happy and when we've feel we've moved on, every now and again that ghost of the past can creep in and we can begin to doubt ourselves again. It's perfectly normal...

When someone hurts us in a relationship, it can hurt for some time. One thing people do get confused about is the difference between forgiving someone, and them just being hurt by the events that have happened.
The two things very often go hand in hand, but they also can be very separate. It's very rare that someone can be over something that someone else has done to them, yet still can't forgive them. The two main situations people find themselves in are either;
-Being hurt by someone, and not being able to forgive, or
-Being able to forgive, yet the situation still hurts them.

The main give away to how you feel is how you act with the person that has hurt you. If you find yourself picking out little things about them, and looking at them negatively, or you find yourself bitching about them for no reason etc, in a nutshell, acting bitter, angry and petty about them, then you haven't forgiven them. No matter how much you'd like to.

However, if you can find yourself to be able to hang around with them, and not feel so bitter towards them. Even if the thought of what happened still hurts you. If you can continue a civil relationship with them, then you have usually forgiven them.
But you can only forgive someone when you're ready to, it's not something you can rush.

For example;
Me and my most recent ex, had a really weird relationship, it was really on and off. The reason was just because he couldn't commit to me for whatever reason... But he's a good guy, and always wanted to, always tried to commit.. But something was just stopping him.
At first I found it really hard to hold a conversation with him without being either angry or upset. Even if the conversation had nothing to do with anything that happened. I just couldn't be around him.
But then as time passed a little, I found myself to be able to hang around with him, and we are still really close friends. But I can't talk to him about relationships that he has, or anything similar, because what happened still hurts me, yet I can forgive him because I understand why what happened happened, and I don't feel angry or bitter towards him for what happened, but it still hurts to know that he couldn't commit and possibly could to someone else...

The best time to forgive someone, is when you're ready to be civil to them. It won't work any other time.