Know your limits?

With the new year coming up, and people lecturing about how you should always know your limits, i was wondering when it comes down to consuming alcohol, to what detail can we actually know our limits?

So many factors go into how much drink we can all personally handle...
For example; how much we've eaten that day, how well we are, how tired we are, what we're drinking, what we're mixing etc. You don't always know when you've had too much, sometimes we do feel fine and hit some fresh air outside and we end up on our faces almost instantly! Where as sometimes we do gradually feel the effects of the alcohol getting too much and just stop.

I'm not going to lecture you on how much to drink etc, as tomorrow night I will be on my face, but it was just a thought I wondered if you all agree on? Do we really know our limits entirely?
Sure we find out what drinks we can't handle... I personally have to be careful with the sambuca!....always!

However, I'm sure you've noticed how one night you can drink loads and be sober as a tree, and some nights, it barely takes you anything and your friends have to carry you into a taxi!


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Affection on social networking sites...

Is something a lot of people slag off these days, people get sick of seeing the same people talking about the same girlfriend/boyfriend declaring their love for them etc.
I will admit I get annoyed by it too. I have a few friends that if I look on their facebook pages, it's all about their partners, and I see where people are coming from.

But to the people doing it, what do they think they're doing? They believe they're doing a really nice thing telling the world and being open about their feelings about their partner, and there's nothing wrong with that, but where's the line from being nice to just annoying?

This is something that everyone feels differently about. What annoys most people is when it's in their face all the time.. Take twitter for example. It's not discreet. So when a couple who you're following are spamming up your twitter feed with tweets to each other all affectionate and that. It starts to get on your nerves just a little bit, having to scroll down however far to read something a little more worth while and different.

Facebook is a lot more discreet, a wall post shows in your feed, but the comments (up until recently) were never in a live feed, showing individually as they were being posted.
However if the couple are posting everything on each others walls, the same problem arises. Your news feed is filled by the individual posts each person makes on the others wall

People tend to tire and to be frank, want to read something else!

I know it's something that a lot of people have been talking about, so here's your chance to let me know what you think. Is it just an annoying show off of their relationship? Or do you disagree?
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Virginity...

A couple of my friends have asked me to write about Virgins in the modern age, and what I thought about it.

I personally don't have any views on it, it's just a case of someone has either had sex or hasn't. But I will be honest. Since moving away from my old town, I was shocked to meet so many people at University who were still virgins. So I got to wondering, is my home town just that corrupt? Or is it to do with the public view on teenagers and sex.

One of the biggest fears for parents is having their child walk in the house one day and telling them they're pregnant/or got someone pregnant. So parents make sure they drill into their kids heads that they know about safe sex and to only do it when they're ready (and more often or not, when they're old enough!) I remember the talk my mum gave me...

Mum: Do you know the most 100% way of not getting pregnant is?
Me: Yes mother......
Mum: Well... what is it?

Me: Don't have sex..
Mum: YES!... Do not have sex!

Is there really any pressure out there to have sex? Or do we just bring it on ourselves? Most of the pressure I do find is from the guys, to themselves or sometimes on to girls. Not all guys mind you, but you do get the select few who always try and worm their way into bed with a girl, and us girls can sometimes be deluded into thinking he'll respect me if I do, or he'll stay with me... Really isn't the case as we figure out as we get a little older, and we end up regretting what we've done and feeling silly.
(As always there's those few exceptions where it does happen to be the other way round, and it's the guys who end up regretting things, and us girls acting like dicks...)

My two friends who asked me to write about this, are both guys, and friends who I love dearly. I'll say to them what I say to anyone, don't have sex unless your ready... simple enough. The same boring stuff that comes out of nearly everyone's mouths...

There is a little banter thrown in direction of people who are still virgins, i used to tease my cousin a little, saying he was cute, but i just liked to wind him up generally :p. Sometimes banter can be unintentionally pressuring people into doing something, just because they don't like the teasing and they want it to stop. You just have to remember that we don't want to pressure you into doing anything, if you feel upset by jokes within your groups of friends, just ask them to stop, explain how you feel, and true friends will respect that.

Two people that I met at uni were virgins when I first met them, one of them was a particular interesting to watch as her views changed throughout the first year of uni.
When I first met her, she seem proud of herself for saving herself for so long, wanting to wait till someone special came along, and good on her! But after a while, she started to think 'I just want it over and done with'
Typical that a couple of months later she meets a good guy, and wishes she'd waited till him.

I know a few people who don't let themselves feel the pressure, and are happy as anything not having sex. I do wish it was the same for younger teenagers who are feeling the pressure. There really is no need to. If you're not ready then don't do it.
Remember this...

-If you feel having sex will improve/strengthen/or create a relationship with someone, then it's not worth doing it. Because more often than not, it won't change a thing.

- No one particulary cares about whether you've had sex or not, and whoever does. Just ask, why should they? It really isn't anything to do with them.

But I want to know what you think, if you are a virgin, do you ever feel pressured?
Or how do you see people who haven't had sex? Do you respect the fact they haven't?

Or do you think sex isn't anything of a big deal any more and 'virginity' is something that doesn't really matter anymore?

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Merry Christmas... :D

Are our relationships always worth it?

One thing that I see with many couples and relationships is that they spend all their time arguing and being annoyed at each other, and it just makes me think, why are you guys even together?

I know a few people have commented on this, and feel the same way as me, and asked advice on this, the only thing I can say is to just ask yourselves...

Are you happy? Seems like a stupid obvious question. But really think about it, does arguing make you happy? honestly? Too many people turn around and say 'But he/she makes me happy' or that when it's good it's amazing. But are the bad times really worth the good times?

We all get stressed out with our relationships at some point, but a lot of couples bicker and argue almost every day if not every day. Yet still won't leave each other. Everyone deserves so much better than that. If you're getting upset with each other that often then the truth is, you're just not right for each other.
Would you stick around through all that arguing if it was with a friend? Doubtful.

Everyone goes through rough patches, where arguing seems to be constant, this is usually because the trust in the relationship has been broken by one of the partners, You do sometimes get through it, but that's what breaks are for right? To escape that.
Keeping a relationship together so tightly through rough patches like those, only puts more pressure and strain into a relationship.

People are terrified of going on 'breaks' because they feel it is the end of the relationship, and people do use the term 'break' to break up, so it's understandable. But they are good for giving the relationship what it needs to get back on track. It's not rocket science to know that taking the pressure away from a relationship will do it good. Space always helps the relationship calm down, and gives people the chance to get over what is hurting them.

Just a thought :)

Are our friends too clingy?

One thing I've had a few emails about recently is how friendships are affected when relationships with other people come into the picture.
I've had a few emails off people asking for advice and what to do when they feel their friendships are slowly changing as their friends or even themselves have become involved in a relationship.
These kinds of situations happen to everyone at least once, and more often than not the situations can get a little messy.

'Hi Rebbie,
Me and my friend have been best friends all the way through school, but recently, she's started seeing this guy. We all like him, and he's great fun to be around. But we never see her any more. Everyone in our group of friends try to invite her out when we do stuff and hang out, but she never comes out, and spends all of her time with him. This has been going on for a few weeks now, and one of our friends tried talking to her, and asked if we were all still friends to her, and why she hadn't seen us any more, and she just got really angry. Her boyfriend isn't helping either, we all got along with him great, but now he thinks we're all jealous of them cuz none of us are in relationships and we're just being clingy. I don't know what we can do, because everytime we try to talk to her about it, she just gets angry.'

Unfortunately these kinds of things do happen to everyone, I was just sat with my friend not so long ago today, and she was explaining to me how her and her friends haven't seen one of their friends since she got with her girlfiriend, it's an all too common situation and unfortunately it messes with friendships that are years old.
The best thing I feel you can do now, is not to pressure them into seeing you. I've made that mistake before, it's natural for us to want to fight for our friendships, but as you've said your friend isn't having any of it. If the  reaction to you and your friends wanting to spend time with this girl, and wondering why she isn't seeing you anymore, then there really is no point in pushing her any further. It will only result in more arguments and your friendships being destroyed completely by the arguments.
As for the boyfriend saying that you guys are all jealous, regardless of whether you guys are or not, it isn't the approach he should be taking towards the situation. It's only going to cause more bitterness between you and your friend, because your friend will then believe you can't be happier for her, which from what you said really isn't the case. Her boyfriend should understand that you've had a relationship with your friend all the way through school, and therefore it's an important relationship in his girlfriends life. Surely he'd want his girlfriend to have her friends around her? Even if he didn't personally like you guys, his girlfriend clearly liked you guys enough to spend however many years close with you guys and at the end of the day, that is what matters.
I'd always try and convince my boyfriend to not argue with his friends, friends are one of the most important things in life, what is life without friends? It seems very inconsiderate to influence and push someone's friendships into breaking even more...
Either way, by the sounds of it, there isn't really anything you can do to improve the situation. Your friend doesn't seem too interested for the moment to keep things the way they were, and is really defensive when you do try. My advice would be to prevent any more arguments is to, not bring up the situation and ask about it because it's clearly leading to negative reactions.

Take it as a friendship drifting away, which I know isn't the outcome that you want, but from what you've told me and my experiences with me and my friends that have gone through this, is that unless things change drastically or that they break up, I don't feel you'll be spending time with your friend like you used to. Unfortunately some people lose sight in the importance of friends when they're in a relationship. I've known many people to go down that path, and there'll always be people who do.
They don't always realise what they're doing, and it's a massive shame to let a friendship go. But what you and your friends need to decide now, and where you'll stand with this friend of yours, if anything happened and your friend came running back to you guys, would you be there for her as a friend? Or would you take the 'we're not going to be around only when it suits you approach?' Do you really want to be friends with someone who would ditch you when a new partner comes into the picture? But do you really want to let go of this friend?

What I thought was interesting, was that the boyfriend said you guys were 'too clingy' and it got me wondering, are us friends too clingy when our friends take on other priorities in their lives? Are we expecting too much to want to keep the same friendships when new relationships come into the picture. Trying to see it from the other perspective, where should the line be drawn between, seeing friends, seeing partners, work/school, family etc.

What is more important to you? Friends, Family, Relationships, work, or trying to keep the balance between  them all. Personally I like the balance I have now, I spend a lot of time with friends, my brother, and when I can, my boyfriend, and still have time to get on with work, write this blog, and have time for myself.
But not everyone is the same as me, people prioritise things differently, and this is what I want to hear from you guys.
What do you prioritise? And do you feel friends can be clingy when it comes to keeping hold of friendships? If so, where's the line for you? Everyone's different and it's all a matter of opinion, I'm just curious too see what you guys think...

So either comment below, Follow me on twitter or facebook (Links above) or email me at Shaneyxcakes@gmail.com

Cutting off ties....

Should we allow the people that hurt us to stick around in our lives or should we cut off all ties, and if so, when is the best time to do so?

This is a situation that's a lot easier said than done... If someone has hurt us, we can still want them in our lives, and still want to be around them. But we don't always see if that's good for us.
No one should place themselves in a situation that will hurt them. If it upsets you to be around them, or to talk to someone from a past relationship that has hurt you. Then don't have them around and don't talk to them.
The reason why people get upset when they're with their ex's is because they miss the better times with them, and having them so close. A little bit of pointing out the obvious there, but we try to keep them around, and in our lives because we try to latch on to what we had with them, and we get upset because we know it's not the same. That part of our life is over, and we have to deal with that change. Sometimes it's not always easy to accept.
If it isn't that easy to accept, then the best way to accept it, is to cut off those ties, don't emotionally torture yourself with it. (Sounds a little dramatic, but it is what you are doing to yourself.) People ask when is the best way to cut off ties with an ex, the answer? The second it starts to hurt you. Yeah, people can stay friends after a relationship and many people still hang out and stuff, but if you weren't ready to give up that relationship, then it's only going to hurt you, and that hurt isn't necessary, and I don't believe it's a good idea for anyone to put themselves in that situation.

You can come back to it later, when you're emotionally ready to have them in your life again.

Something that seems even more crazy is when we have moved on, that person from the past can still come back into ours lives, and we remember how it was, and begin to miss it again. It happens to a lot of people and we end up comparing it to what we have now. Sometimes even believing we were happier with what we had rather than what we have. And I think it's a little bit of 'we want what we can't have' sort of thing, and especially if we see someone else with what we want, we get jealous, and want it just a little bit more...

Some people even break off relationships to go back to what they had, and mostly they do regret it, and to everyone outside of the situation, it seems like a crazy thing to do. Is it?
Especially if we're the ones who got hurt in the past relationship, it's a lot easier to fall back into the trap we were in then. Because we didn't willingly take away what made us happy, so we crave it a little bit more because we weren't finished with it. It was something that we wanted and it got taken away from us.

It's natural for when that happens for us to want it back, and what people don't always see is the mistake of throwing away what they have now, because we're comfortable and happy, and what we had that made us happy before is a temptation to what we think would make us happier.
People believe that a person has changed, and they won't hurt them again... etc. We have a lot of excuses to justify what we're doing/thinking/feeling. But in reality it's usually a false happiness, things don't change, things didn't work out for a reason, and we forget that. We also don't realise or underestimate how much we'd be losing by throwing away what we have then, one, because we're comfortable and sitting tight and happy. And two, because usually, we've never been in a situation where we could of lost what we have before.
People don't realise the damage they do by throwing away relationships, because of the temptation, the illusion of things being better the second/third/forth etc time around and because we don't always appreciate what we do have in our lives.
To other people it seems crazy, but they don't know what we're thinking or feeling, we might see more of a picture of the situation, but outsiders can actually see the clearer picture. We do tend to lose our way, and follow our senses and emotions, but they can be very misleading.

Do we need to follow our head or our heart? Our head needs to pull the reigns on our hearts every now and again, but not so much so we aren't going anywhere. We need to follow what makes us happy, but also what is good for us.
And what seems to make us happy, isn't always what's good..

Forgiving them...

At some point, the majority of us do end up getting hurt in a relationship, and sometimes we find it hard to forgive and let go, we stick around the people that hurt us, and to be honest we don't always really know why.
We believe we still want them in our lives, but deep down do we? And is it really a good idea?

Relationships can be hard to get over, and sometimes when we are happy and when we've feel we've moved on, every now and again that ghost of the past can creep in and we can begin to doubt ourselves again. It's perfectly normal...

When someone hurts us in a relationship, it can hurt for some time. One thing people do get confused about is the difference between forgiving someone, and them just being hurt by the events that have happened.
The two things very often go hand in hand, but they also can be very separate. It's very rare that someone can be over something that someone else has done to them, yet still can't forgive them. The two main situations people find themselves in are either;
-Being hurt by someone, and not being able to forgive, or
-Being able to forgive, yet the situation still hurts them.

The main give away to how you feel is how you act with the person that has hurt you. If you find yourself picking out little things about them, and looking at them negatively, or you find yourself bitching about them for no reason etc, in a nutshell, acting bitter, angry and petty about them, then you haven't forgiven them. No matter how much you'd like to.

However, if you can find yourself to be able to hang around with them, and not feel so bitter towards them. Even if the thought of what happened still hurts you. If you can continue a civil relationship with them, then you have usually forgiven them.
But you can only forgive someone when you're ready to, it's not something you can rush.

For example;
Me and my most recent ex, had a really weird relationship, it was really on and off. The reason was just because he couldn't commit to me for whatever reason... But he's a good guy, and always wanted to, always tried to commit.. But something was just stopping him.
At first I found it really hard to hold a conversation with him without being either angry or upset. Even if the conversation had nothing to do with anything that happened. I just couldn't be around him.
But then as time passed a little, I found myself to be able to hang around with him, and we are still really close friends. But I can't talk to him about relationships that he has, or anything similar, because what happened still hurts me, yet I can forgive him because I understand why what happened happened, and I don't feel angry or bitter towards him for what happened, but it still hurts to know that he couldn't commit and possibly could to someone else...

The best time to forgive someone, is when you're ready to be civil to them. It won't work any other time.

The one that got away...

Do you believe in there being the one person who you 'should of been with?'

The one person who was perfect for you but for some reason you could never make it?

It, at some point happens to anyone, the main meaning to the phrase is about the one other 'True love' in your life that you will never truly forget. As happy as you are in your current relationship. Whenever you see that person, you still get those butterflies and always remember...

But we all experience a little part of that with a few people in our lives, when a relationship has recently ended, we often still feel things for that person...

Sometimes when we come into a new relationship, we start to miss the old one...

Are we looking for something better?

Or are we just exploring what we're looking for?

Everyone's different, everyone does it for different reasons, and it can screw a lot of things up, people can screw a perfectly good relationship by acting on these feelings, and some people can get hurt all over again. It's something that never is what it seems, we believe that we miss that person, and my personal opinion is that, it isn't the case.

Some people don't like change, Some people don't like it so much, they try not to let go, they don't want to know any different because they loved what they had so much. People forget that relationships break because they weren't right, and as much as you may have loved it, you can't hold onto something that wasn't going to work...

In some cases though, it is just a case of it wasn't the right time for that relationship. But again, you can't wait around for it to fix itself, if it's going to fix, it will do it itself. Don't assume that relationship will come back together either. Go out and enjoy yourself, don't keep trying to hold and let it get you down.

Too many people make that mistake.

Have you ever had someone that you couldn't forget?

And did you realise why you couldn't forget them?

Personally, I like to believe these people are a lesson and an experience to learn from, because when we've learnt them, we find it so easy to move on with our lives and start to forget them properly.

But being so young, I wouldn't know if there is just a person who you go your whole life always having that thing for? That is literally just someone who you couldn't forget...

As always, I'd love your opinions on this, so Comment below,
And don't forget to like the facebook page (if you haven't already) and follow me on twitter (both links posted above) and share your opinions on today's or any of the topics I've done.

Teenage Parents

Becoming a parent at a young age is quite common in today's society. A couple of weeks ago I touched on this in a post, arguing the negative of growing up too fast, and the risk of wasting young life. But I wanted to touch on this at a more positive side.. Is the stigma too negative towards young parents?

A lot of ethical theories have their opinion on pregnancy, abortion and contraception and I do believe that this is really important when applying young parents in your own ethical opinions. For example;

 Natural Law:

The most used ethical theory in  the bracket of Christian Ethics (as the majority of Christians are Roman Catholics). They have a very firm belief that the natural way is the morally right way of going about things, anything that is unnatural is wrong.
Contraception prevents and interrupts the natural course of reproduction, and as a animal species, our ultimate natural goal in life, is to carry the human race on to the next generation for us to survive. The same views are applied to Abortion.
Pregnancy and reproduction a very natural thing so it is encouraged to go through with your pregnancy if you ever do conceive. 

Utilitarianism:

Takes on a more understanding and emotional approach, they follow the rule 'The greatest happiness for the greatest number.' Which takes into account everyone in the situation and judges each situation differently to figure out their idea of the best outcome. Opposite to Natural Law, Utilitarianism considers the feelings of the people involved, rather than laying down strict rules.

There are many theories, and each one has their strengths and weaknesses, but if you take them into account, their views and their reasoning, do you begin to look at it in a different perspective? An example...

A couple aged between the ages of 16-20 (the most common ages for young people to become parents). Finished school, and at least one to the parents have a stable job, and are able to provide for the child.
Think about it for two minutes, and come up with the positive and negative points for that situation (in your opinion)

Do the same for this situation...
A couple aged 25+, Living off benefits, not looking for work, barely scraping by in a crappy little house provided by the council, picking up a lot of bad habits (excessive drinking, drugs, violence etc)

There are many young parents who do have their heads screwed on, and many older parents who don't. But also many are the opposite.

My own personal opinion is that ideally people should wait until they've gotten through all the education they want, settled in a happy job, and at an age where they've had their chance to be free and live their young lives etc. But I don't judge anyone who doesn't believe or follow the same views as me. I know a lot of young parents who have a steady job and are happy, and able to provide for their child/children. I think it's a much better situation than the second example. Unfortunately there are families like that, and compared to a couple of 17 year olds, who are very mature and have their heads and lives screwed together, is it always such a bad thing?

There are also a lot of young parents, who are unemployed and are on benefits, and seeking help from the government, and that also has a very negative stigma attached, and while I personally believe for myself that I shouldn't put myself in that situation. There are other things to consider.
Not everyone believes in abortion, and who are we to argue with someone else's conscience? If they found themselves pregnant, and that's what they believed, what can we really say against that?

I can't write every argument for someone wanting to keep their child when society says 'They aren't ready.' But I believe we are too quick to judge people at times, before judging look at their lives, are they doing the right thing in their situation? Are they focusing on what is the most important, their child? If they are, then what do you really have to complain about?

Of course there are the few examples of why teenage pregnancy/young mothers is frowned upon. Girls getting pregnant at ages like 13, or parents that resemble a situation in the second example. People who take advantage of the benefits available, and use them in the wrong way. It is a problem, and I'm not ignoring that. But my argument is about how people are too quick to judge even the good parents, because of their age or situation. Benefits are there to help us when things aren't so easy. There are young parents, living on benefits but actively trying to go out and better their living situation by finding a job, and providing for their children, so they don't have to rely on the benefits etc. But this all seems to be ignored, whenever I hear anything about this topic, it's always the negatives that I hear, and I very rarely hear how well people are doing or even just trying to do right, it would be nice to hear something positive for a change when this subject is brought up.
I know a lot of people who are young parents, and are doing really well for themselves, I do believe people like that should be recognised a little more :).

Anyway, let me know what you guys think, as usual, my email is Shaneyxcakes@gmail.com
My twitter and Facebook like page is linked above.
Also for you guys who have just left school, or looking to higher education or employment, Check out my friends Kim and James blog (life after school) Linked above. As you will remember Kim did a guest post with me on my blog about long distance relationships!

I'm also helping out with my friends band (Painting Stupid), it's my new little project, I'm about to put their facebook link above too, they're currently recording at the moment, but feel free to check it out!

If i snap my fingers... (take two :D)

So a little over a week ago I posted about how guys talk to women, and if you remember I spoke about a website I joined and the response I got from it. I promised you all that I'd try it the other way around and see the response I got from the ladies.

Well. I signed up as a lovely 23 year old called Ben, and my profile picture, like many other guys on that site, was a nice little picture of a penis. But the first thing I noticed after joining up with this website was that to be able to actually do anything like read messages etc, I had to pay to join.

So why was it free to join this website for women and not for men? I assume it's because there are more men that are inclined to join such sites, so to try and get more women to it, they offer the use of the site to them for free. But anyway moving on...

The response 'Ben' got from the women who were interested in him, was to be expected, it was a lot less forward, more subtle, and more pleasant than the messages 'Shaney' got such as 'I have a big thick cock, want it inside you?' and worse...
Ofcourse there were the few women who did respond with messages equivalent to the above, which actually got me wondering,

Guys, a question for you... How would you react to a message saying 'Hey, big boy. Want to play with my tight little pussy?'

I've asked a few guys opinion on this, and I got a mixed response, for the most part my friends didn't think too kindly of it, where as a couple said, 'Well if she's that up for it, and she was hot, then that's fine with me' But I thought it would be interesting to hear everyones general opinion on it :).

I never understood why people spoke like that to the opposite sex, personally I don't find it appealing at all, and judging by other peoples reactions, most people don't either, but there are the select few who do.
Each to their own, it's all a matter of opinion. But should we really be talking to each other like that?
It objectifies us to the other person, as nothing more than a sex toy. In a world where respect is lacking more and more, why should we degrade other people in this way?

If two people are happy talking to each other like that then fair play to them, but personally I feel like I a lot more respect for myself and other people than to talk like that with people. My personal opinion is that I find it disrespectful, but what I really want to know is, what do you think? :)

Let me know, by commenting below, or getting touch via Facebook, or twiiter (linked above) or email me at Shaneyxcakes@gmail.com

Do you really know who you are?

I received a message from a friend in the early hours of this morning, giving me an idea for today's blog. Do we really know who we are? He explained that he felt he was having a bit of an 'Identity Crisis' all his life he'd been into his music and stuff, but recently he's not felt too into it...

'Lately, I have just been thinking about whether or not people act like they do to try and fit in, or because they actually are that kind of person. 

Sorry to rant but, I consider myself a music person, and lately I have been listening to some of my favourite music, Rock/Indie, and I just couldnt get into it. It just made me wonder if I am not a music person, who am I?.'

People are changing all the time, especially in our younger years, we're exploring life and experiencing new things, if you saw my Itunes list, which has everything I've listened to since I was 13, it's weird how different the songs are to each other.

But sometimes, we do just need to take a break from everything, things can get too much without us even realising, we go off and dabble into different things all the time, and it'll either just lead you to something you love even more, or bring you back to what you did love the most.

But when do we always really know ourselves? And can you really only just be one type of person? I've been doing drama since I was 10, and I'm studying it at university, I sing, and I love it probably more than I love acting, but I don't tend to do anything with it anymore, except practice in my room (Apologies to Sophii, Ben, and Lauren. Who live in the surrounding rooms!) And I do this blog, which I'm stupidly passionate about too, and I really would love to talk about these kind of things for a living too.

'Just abit of a blow when you realise you are not sure where you are, there are people that you can say for sure are say, Rap people, or Heavy Metal people, but if you dont even know yourself...'

Some people just know from an early age what their life was for them, music, drama, sciences, public services etc, and some people don't know until they're older. My mum only went to university the year before I did to do her nursing degree.

As for me personally, I'm still dipping round the pools of what I could make out of myself. So don't worry if you don't know 'who you are,' your life is there to explore and find out.

Explore different things and see how you feel towards them, a lot of people spend 20 of their younger years focused on one thing, then suddenly change their minds and do something completely different! It's not a bad thing to not know, it's an opportunity, at any age to explore yourself and the world that you're in.

So don't worry :D

What do you guys think? Either comment below, or get in touch with facebook/twitter (links above) Or email me at shaneyxcakes@gmail.com :)

Pressure...

Everyone gets the feeling of being under pressure right? We've all done things because we've felt pressured to do it by ours friends and what not.
So what to do when we are feeling pressured?

We get pressured into doing all kinds of silly things, you have the obvious, don't have sex until you're ready and don't get yourself into doing drugs just because you're friends are doing it, but you all know that stuff.

But what about with the less serious things? Is it always that easy to notice to when we're being put under pressure with the smaller things?

Pressure in everyday life

We put people under pressure every day without even realising it, and it started when we were really quite young, who remembers the days of when 'Awww, i'll be your best friend' was the biggest bribe anyone could offer to you?

We ask the littlest of things of people, and when they aren't wanting to do it, we do the whole 'pleeeeease' and 'go on', what we don't always realise is that we're adding pressure to our requests, sometimes we do, and sometimes it is just a habit we have. We put pressure onto everything, if we haven't seen a friend in a while, just by asking 'we haven't seen you in ages.' There's a little something inside that tells us we should probably go see that person at some point, even if it goes away almost instantly, or we don't actually want to see that person. We react to everything that gets said to us and we are influenced all the time.

We can never avoid being pressured into things, just like we can never fully not pressure people when asking something or saying something to them. It's a weird circle that comes with human nature.

I have a friend who always wants everything done her way, and her very forward personality always puts me under pressure. She involves herself in anything she wants, which don't get me wrong, i do love her, but sometimes she is a little forward and it does make me feel a little pressured to go along with her, even when i really don't want to.

But you should never put yourself in a petty situation that puts you under pressure, you need to know when there is 'unnecessary pressure' and pressure that you just have to face, and petty little everyday situations like the ones I’ve briefly mentioned, you should avoid, and just stand up and say, 'No i don't want to.' But there are situations we can never avoid, such as deadlines etc, and situations where we shouldn't avoid, even if it does put us under pressure, for example when you've put yourself in the wrong and need to sort things out with people. This is what you have to work out.

Pressure in conflicts

Too many people avoid a pressured situation after a conflict, and has anyone ever noticed it always been when they are in the wrong, or have no point to stand on?
In those situations when we are in the right, we don't run away from the conflict, we're always strong standing and ready to take whatever's coming because we know that we're going to come back at whatever gets thrown at us.

It takes a lot of courage to stand up to people who you've been in the wrong to, and apologising, admitting that you're wrong. Whereas most people lose their temper, or storm off, or even try to blame the people on the other side, but the most common ones are the lines 'You have no idea how I’m feeling,' or, 'You don't know what's going on in my life' to try and justify their side of things.

These situations will never go away, no matter how hard you try and avoid them, if you don't face up to it, and ignore it, you won't fix it.

It's all because of pressure, whether it's to do something we don't want to do, or a conflict etc. Pressure is everywhere. You just need to realise what situations are the ones you actually need fight head on, and which ones you should take yourself out of because they are unnecessary.
Too many people claim pressured situations as things that we need to remove ourselves out of, when in reality they're just being cowards.

I want to hear, as usual what you guys think, so leave a comment below, or get in touch on facebook/twitter (links above). Or alternately email me at Shaneyxcakes@gmail.com

Single Advice...

Hey guys, so today I received an email from someone who was asking for my advice, linked me to their blog post, (quoted below). But I thought everyone could put their input into it, because as I'm about to say, every girl likes different things :)


 ok so im single and i hate it right today i did some thing ive never done before and tried to give a girl my number needless too say i failed   lol cute girl into games working in a game shop and i thought she would be single, more fool me right but she was nice about it nd said she was flattered  but it got me to thinking do girls really like it when guys make moves like that or does it piss them off? i dont know  i never do this sorta thing but i dont know how else to talk to women lol im crap i freeze and panic nd end up quoting a film or sumthing and end up kicking my self too all the girls out there how do you like guy to approach you lol it scares the shit outta us give us a clue please and if ur a cute gamer girl drop me a line lol but please help us men to help you


Every girl is impressed by different things, but what one thing that will help you the most when it comes to talking to girls, is finding your own way to talk to them, find out how you're the most comfortable when it comes to approaching girls. So you don't end up wanting to kick yourself over it after! Haha, We are usually very flattered when someone shows an interest in us, whether we're single or not. It's always nice for anyone to hear that someone's interested in us :).
Sometimes the freezing and panicking can be quite cute, but at the same time a little bit of confidence makes it easier for us to connect with a person, It's really hard to connect with someone who freezes and says nothing. (Just not too much confidence!) haha. So find your own way of going about it, find a way where you find it easier to talk to girls. Or if you know something about that person, for example an interest of theirs, start a conversation on that and get talking for a while, it'll be a lot easier to then slip out the number question, or the want to meet up question etc etc.
Conversation does wonders! But without the little bit of confidence you aren't going to get that.

Every girl's different and different things work on different people. I know of someone who went up to a girl in the club and said 'Are you ready for the most average night of your life' and apparently that worked! Maybe do some experimenting and have a laugh with it. Go out and give different things a go!

But to everyone else... Girls, what's the best way for a guy to approach you/ask for your number etc, and Guys, What things have you tried with the girls and has failed, or worked! Let me know :D.

As usual my facebook/twitter/email is above.
Or comment below, or on the actual blog posthttp://thelifeofanerd92.blogspot.com/2011/12/single-nd-shitting-it.html
Thanks guys :)

Green eyed monsters

At many points in our lives we do feel a bit of jealousy towards the people around them, and sometimes that jealousy can go a little bitter. But why? Why can we not always have a little bit of positive jealousy?

It always depends on the person that we're jealous of, if that person is close to us, say a close friend, or just someone that we get on really really well, but don't see class them as one of our closer friends. With someone like that it's a lot easier to feel happy for them.

But if it's someone we don't get along with, or a friend who things are a little uneasy with at that moment, for some reason, we find it very very easy to become bitter towards them for it. Whether it's they have something that we want, or that they're achieving something you're working really hard on, or even if it just seems like they have an easier life/get everything that they want.

Petty jealousy is a big cause for arguments, even if it's not what the arguments about. Either we find something small to argue/bitch about and deep down we're actually letting our emotions from this jealousy out.

It's just something I wonder, why are we so bitter to the people we're that jealous of?
And why do we find it so hard to admit that we're even jealous of them?

What do you think, share via commenting, facebook or twitter :)
Sorry it's only a short one today guys, it's just something for you to think about, while I munch on my christmas dinner with my flatmates before we all go back home :).

The unwritten rule

Everyone knows it's an unwritten rule. You never get with a friends ex. True, it is generally a very messy zone to be involved in. But what happens when you do fall for the one person you can't have because of this very reason?

There are a series of things you need to consider, such as how did their relationship end, who broke up with you, how does each person still feel about their ex partner, or if your friend has moved on and is happy with someone else etc...

Obviously if your friend still has feelings for their ex partner, or something along that street, then it's pretty obvious you'd be a shitty friend to then get with that person.
However the situation is different, say if a fair amount of time has passed, your friend was the one who ended the relationship, and is now happy seeing someone else. Then maybe it would be acceptable to then maybe consider it.

Every situation and relationship is different, a mix and match of these situations and more aspects to consider, but you get the idea? Sum up the situation and see if it would be reasonable to maybe take the next step.

If you decide that you and your friends ex partner want to be together, and looking at their relationship with your friend and the situation seems plausible that your friend may actually be OK with it. The one thing you should probably do is talk to your friend about it, and explain how you feel, and find out how they feel about it and whether they would accept your relationship with their ex if there was to be one.
It's just a case of respect, and not wanting to hurt your friend. Everyone is different, some people believe that under no circumstances should you be with their ex partner etc. But as their friend you would have more of an idea of their views on it and whether it's worth taking that gamble.

Obviously even having that talk can make things uncomfortable with your friend, but real friends would see, even if not straight away, that if you're not going to get with their ex because you're putting their feelings first, even if it's a bit uncomfortable and awkward for you guys for a little while. They'll see how much you respect them and will respect you back.

Most people do believe in this unwritten rule, but if that person is someone you really fall for, sometimes your views do change, and the way you go about it proves how much of a friend you are.

These things do happen, however no one really talks about that much... If you ever find yourself in this situation, go about it how you think is best, but honesty really is the best policy in my opinion... So hopefully you'll keep this in mind :).

It's a really touchy topic and I'd love to hear your views on this. Email me at Shaneyxcakes@gmail.com
Or comment below
Or get in touch on facebook or twitter (Links above)

Getting over it.

Something a lot of people talk about when someone’s relationship has fallen apart is, how long do we give ourselves to get over it?
There are so many different opinions on this, some people say you should give yourself half of the actual time you spent together to get over it and some people say after 'insert amount of time' you should be over it. etc etc

Truth is, there isn't a 'rule' or a stated amount of time you should give yourself to get over a relationship, everyone is different, everyone hurts more than others, and others less. They are your feelings, you shouldn't rush them.
If you pretend to yourself you've moved on before you actually haven't, you're only going to hurt yourself more and other people too, because you're just not ready to move on.
A lot of people get hurt by people rushing into new relationships to get over the old ones, usually by the pressure of their friends, who have the best intentions; they just want you to be happy again. But it actually has the opposite effect.
Take your time to get over the relationship, give yourself as much time as you need. But there are a few things you should avoid...

Your friends are there to support you, and they'll be there for you, no matter what. But you shouldn't rely on them too much, there's only so much talking about your ex that they can take. Take your mind off things by spending plenty of time with your friends, and concentrate on them. Friends are also there to have a good time with and to drag your spirits up when you are feeling down, not just an emotional blanket to comfort you.

Don't rush straight into a close friendship with your ex-partner immediately after a break up, by all means be civil and stuff, but if you're not emotionally over the relationship, the best therapy is to distance yourself from that person, get used to life without them. If they're still there, it becomes a lot harder to forget them.
There are the few exceptions where a couple can go straight into being friends after the relationship has fallen apart, but a lot more times than not, if there's still one person wishing the relationship would heal, there's always going to be that effort from the one party to make it work again. It will stay on your mind, and to be slightly blunt you're doing nothing but emotionally torturing yourself, especially if your ex-partner has moved on. Honestly, distance is the best healer for anyone in this situation.

As I mentioned earlier, don't rush into a new relationship if you're not over the old one, no matter what anyone says, I know just as much as anyone how friends can be like 'Oh you should get with that person, they're so lovely' etc etc. If you're not ready, then just don't go there. You're only going to create a messy situation, where you unintentionally lead someone on, and again emotionally torture yourself because you're thinking, if you could have a relationship, it would be your old one, and it just won't work. In the end, you end up ruining friendships, and people just end up hurt.

I don't believe in judging someone because they're not over a relationship, I know it can be a little frustrating when friends talk about their ex all the time, and it's been god knows how long since they've broken up. But they're your friend, and they're still hurting. If anything try and guide them away from the topic, personally I tell my friends they're not allowed to talk about them, and whenever they do, I'm just like *zip!*. Obviously I don't do it all the time, people need to vent when they're feeling hurt, but at times us friends do need the break from it all, but it's such a sensitive subject for them, you really should get too frustrated with them.
A lot of people get upset when friends talk too much about their ex, and that friend gets upset when that friend turns around and says something along the lines of 'You should be over it by now' kind of thing, as i said, it's a sensitive subject for them, with a little understanding from both sides, you can avoid the extra upset it causes and just be happy.

Let me know what you think, comment below, or comment via email/facebook/twitter (Links above) :D

Family loyalty

How many of you have made an enemy with either someone you know, or haven't known just because of a conflict with a family member? Say a brother/sister/cousin etc. It happens all the time, but sometimes does it go a little too far?
It's natural for us to defend members of our family, and we tend to have a stronger sense of loyalty to them rather than our friends, even if we get along with our friends better than our family. I'm not saying it's a bad thing, Family loyalty is an important part of having a family, and I'll defend mine no matter what. But there are times where it does get taken too far, and the situation is made ten times worse than it was before.

Remember when you're like ten and one of the biggest threats was 'I'm gonna get my brother on you' etc, a few months ago some kid asked me if I was 'Scared of his parents,' it made me think back to the time when parents were scary and older brothers and sisters were the same. But when a family member is in the middle of something, and you want to help them out, then what is the best way to stick up for them?

People are too quick to get into arguments these days, and especially when it comes to sticking up for a sibling etc, people are naturally really defensive towards them. I made quite a few enemies in secondary school for shouting my mouth at people who were bullying my little brother. And I watch all the time, whether it's in town or over facebook, people arguing with loads of their friends just because they've got a problem with a member of their family, which is a perfectly natural thing, but how involved should you be in their situations? Especially when it comes to arguing with your own friends?

I can't help but feel very defensive over my brother, but over the years I've learnt that the only thing I'm bothered about the most, is when arguments turn physical, all of his arguments and stuff, it's his business, I've learnt that another mouth shouting a load of crap usually does more harm than good, and this can be related to any kind of loyalty, if your friends are in the middle of a drama etc, and I take the same approach with my friends as I do with my brother. Arguing with a load of people, no matter how good your intentions are, will probably only escalate the situation. Everyone has arguments at some point, whether they're small or big, but when it comes to our family, we're so much more defensive over them, but it doesn't always help.
It always makes you feel a little more secure when you have people defending your side of things. But I've seen over-protective siblings etc go to real lows over it.
My ex, who was 17 at the time, liked to think of himself as a bit of a big man, thought he was a little better than everyone else etc, he had his stories of when he 'took out some guy' because they were being horrible to his friends etc, but the only guy I ever saw him be like that to, was his 11 year old sister's friend. Someone of his age pinning up an 11 year old kid against a door by his neck is pretty disgusting right? He's reasoning for it wasn't even justified.
I'm not saying everyone is like that, but that's just an extreme example for my next point.
How quickly are we to also turn a verbal argument into a physical one, whether we actually mean that we're going to turn physical or if it was just an empty threat, but I know of many arguments when someone doesn't back down, the other one is ready to 'apparently' start throwing punches etc?
Again escalating the situation....

One thing I think is a real shame, is when friends fall out over siblings/cousins etc, yes I understand family comes first and it should always come first, but why can't you have both? Why do you have to fall out with someone over their differences with your family members? It feels like sometimes we do make our lives a hell of a lot harder over things like this.
If someone has done something that bad towards a member of your family, then yeah, it's natural to fall out with them, but most of the time it's over silly little things, and people are too quick to step in and unintentionally make the situation a lot worse, instead of just saying 'You know where I stand on it, I don't agree with what's going on etc.' You can stand up for people without falling out with the other person...

Family members are amazing for dragging you out of trouble, and that's really where it should stay in my opinion, I would never let anyone touch my brother, but if he was having an argument or something with someone else, I wouldn't be able to help but keep an eye on it, but I'd try not to get too involved, because usually when other people start getting involved, the situation escalates, especially when people are so defensive as they are when it comes to their family.

What do you guys think? Comment below, or contact me on my facebook/twitter (linked above) or if you wish to email me, my email is Shaneyxcakes@gmail.com

Online Bitching.

Everyone has a bit of a rant on facebook etc now a days. Every so often a fight will break out on a social networking site and everyone who knows them gets a look in.
A lot of people tend to slag it off, giving their reasons to why it's not appropriate, but is it really as bad as people make it out to be?

Everyone has human emotions, and at times because we're so full of them, we need to vent, let something off our chest, and Facebook and other social networking sites have become a place to do so. I'm not saying it's right, and it's certainly not the most mature thing to do, but I don't think it's a particularly horrific thing to do. It's just how things are now.

The most common response to anything that gets said online is, they're too scared to say it to someone's face. I don't really think that's the case at all. People vent things online, what they're feeling or thinking etc, and it's not because they're too scared to say to that person directly, I think it's mainly because doing so would cause more drama than it's worth. I personally don't say anything online that I wouldn't say to someone's face, but telling people directly every thought or feeling, really isn't appropriate.

I'm not saying it's the right thing to do, and I'm not encouraging people to start putting bitchy comments etc on facebook. But what I've come to see over the past two years is that, when someone does put a bitchy status or a comment the people that agree with the comment all like it and laugh along with what's been said, but then when the tables turn and what gets said is about them or their friends, it only then becomes immature and inappropriate. It's a 'you can give but can't take' situation.

Gossip runs riot around social groups now a days, and social networking sites have become a faster medium for gossip. In the heat of arguments people do come out and say things they don't mean or are a little extreme and they regret it, and it's the same with social networking sites, if someone's really pissed off or upset, they'll post a status or whatever saying the exact same thing, it's a source of venting how we feel. It isn't the best thing to do, but you have to admit it makes us feel better when we've said what we've had to say. I'd be massive hypocrite if I started judging the people who did this, because I'm certainly one of them. I just got to thinking why do we do it?

It's not the most appropriate thing to do no, but we all have feelings and we all have opinions and things we want to say, and with the internet being so accessible to us 24/7, it's just become a faster medium for saying 'what is on our mind'. How many people have seen the Facebook status box 'What's on your mind?' and just thought, well Facebook if you really want to know... or something to that extent? A lot of people I know have, and I've seen many status' which begin with that quote. Whether you say it on Facebook or to other people personally, it gets around a fair few people about what you've said etc. The only thing I don't agree with at all online is when people start naming and shaming people. I just personally feel that when you begin to name names, you are really just humiliating people.

So to really wrap up what I've said here, you can't really stop people from venting and expressing on social networking sites, because as I've said, everyone has done it. It's not a case of people are too scared to say to people's faces, it's just a case of doing so can cause more trouble than it's worth.
That's reason enough to say, well if you aren't going to say it to people's face, then don't say it at all, and I agree. But people always say things in the heat of the moment, no-one goes about life without saying anything inappropriate it's just human nature. Social networking can bring out the worst in people, and I don't think it's right, but it's something we all do, and it's just another medium for us to bitch etc on. I've just noticed that people are fine with it, and laugh along with it, until they're on the back end of it, and don't like what they see, because it's negative towards them.

I know everyone has different feelings on this, and I'd love to hear yours, either comment below or leave a message on my Facebook/Twitter (links above) or email me at Shaneyxcakes@gmail.com :)

If i snap my fingers will you jump into my bed?

Probably not mate, but thanks for the offer.

Everyone always says how much easier it is for girls to pull than guys, and to be honest it is, but guys do you really make it any easier on yourself with the way you go about it?
During the past week, i signed up to a website that was aimed at people who were just looking for some random fun, and yes i expected to see a lot of sleaze on there, and trust me i wasn't disappointed!

More than 70% of the males that contacted my profile had their profile picture of their penis. Smooth guys. A lot of the messages i received were just about their fantasies and what they wanted to do to me, and offering me all expenses paid trips to them.... just for sex? Are you that convinced we're going to take you on? Or do you really need to pay us? One guy even offered to pay me to get naked on cam... seriously?!
I'm not saying all guys are like that, and I’m not saying all girls are not like that, but some of the lines that came out of that website was appalling, and to be quite frank, if you're using lines like that to pick us girls up, then no wonder it's so hard for you to pull.

As i said, i received very explicit messages from complete strangers, without sending a hello first, did you really expect me to reply to that? As slimy as it is being on one of those websites, and as un-meaningful as one night with someone who you meet in a club is, it's always nice to show a little respect first, even if both parties know what it is, a night that isn't going to mean anything. It's always nice to be treated like an actual human being, rather than a cock cave. Excuse the term, but that's really how you make it seem.

Come on guys, we all like our bit of fun just as much as you, but there's really no need to treat us like we're nothing. I know some of us girls can be exactly the same, and I’ll be doing a follow up blog, after I’ve signed up to the same website, as a guy to see how the women behave in the situation. But how far do you really expect to get with us when the first thing that comes out of your mouth is utter sleaze?
On a slightly more positive note, i have been speaking to a few people on there, who I’ve just been having rather nice conversations with, just talking about each other and getting to know them. So not every guy is like what i described above, but that was only the very small minority.
I understand that for that particular website that's exactly what i should have expected, and i did. But it's not just like that there, going out in town, guys have treated me and my friends in the exact same way, sleazy lines and showing off and it really doesn't work. We just laugh at you.

A little conversation goes a long way.


I want to know what you guys think, comment or contact me on facebook/twitter (links posted above) or email (shaneyxcakes@gmail.com) and share any thoughts or stories. I'll be doing a follow up on how women behave in about a weeks time. Thanks for reading :).

Long distance relationships....

Most people don't really like the idea of a long distance relationship, and I understand why, it's not always ideal to have someone how-ever many miles away that you only get to see once a month. But seen as myself and 5 of my closest friends are involved in long distance relationships, I thought it was interesting how differently went about it.
Some people find it harder than others, I find it surprisingly easy to cope with the fact Sam's over 200 miles away, and I think that has a lot to do with the fact I'm living with the greatest people ever who I love spending time with, and I'm getting really used to it now. The great thing is today, with mobile phones and stuff you can go about your day as you would, but still be in contact with that person, texting etc. It's so bloody convenient. I can sit and chill with my housemates, and be able to send a little text every now and again.
I always joke saying my boyfriends 250 miles and that's where I like him! But I'm at uni, the main point of me being 250 miles away is to learn and get my degree, and I feel like this year being in a relationship with someone who isn't in Aber, I'm doing so much better for myself.
People debate on how often is too often to see each other, and obviously the amount of distance between you, will affect it for the obvious reasons such as the time it takes to travel and the cost. I really don't get to see my boyfriend that much, but for me, I think the time we spend together is more or less just right. Some of my flatmates get to see their partners a fair bit more than I get to see mine. Which is perfectly fine, I just personally can't justify spending that much money, and spending that much time travelling to spend a day or two extra with Sam. But then again I do live 7 hours away....
If you're going to be in a long distance relationship, you need to find the right balance in your life for it, and so many people get it wrong. They think they have the balance right, because they've put first the things that make them temporarily happy. But this doesn't just happen in long distance relationships, it's happens in relationships in general too.
People who are perfectly happy in their jobs or education etc, have every aspect of their life secure and happy, meet someone and put all their energy into a relationship with someone they've known for like 5 mins, and in result they get so behind on work, spend all their money making that effort to seeing their new partners etc, and everything else just goes to pot. Their hearts in the right place in the their relationships but not for themselves, what makes it worse is that the stress they cause in letting the other good things in their life slip, they don't recognise that it's caused by how the relationship has taken over their lives a little too much, and think that the relationship is only non-stressful thing in their life. Make sure you have the right balance in your life. I've found mine and I really couldn't be happier.

I have a guest post here from my best friend back home Kim. She's pretty damn familiar with long distance relationships, and she probably does know a lot better than me. But if you like what she has to say here, follow her blog (which is linked at the bottom of her post) and don't forget to leave comments and tell me what you think about long distance relationships, or if you have any stories of your own. My email address is Shaneyxcakes@gmail.com. Thanks guys!


Kim:
Long distance relationships seem to be one thing in life that is avoided like the plague for alot of reasons. For one thing, alot of people feel that it's too much effort to make for someone you don't know very well.
But why not?
Well, look at it this way, if you're looking for someone you can cuddle every night (among other things), go out with and generally have a good time, as most people are, then that kind of relationship is going to be hard to maintain over a long period of separation.

I used to say to my friends that one upside of seeing someone infrequently (i.e, when either of us could be bothered) was that I could do my own thing and tell him to get stuffed if he was being pushy. The time that we saw each other was time we spent 'together'. I'm actually referring to the relationship I had with my ex. Overall we were together for just over 3 years. The majority of that was spent long distance, and the realtionship fell apart after we moved in together.
Somewhere between my ex and my current relationship, my views changed and I, honestly, grew up. My boyfriend and I have been together for 4 months. We see each other as much as we can, which normally means once a month.
The fundamental difference (beyond their completely contrasting personalities) is that I want to make the effort for him. I want to proactively further the relationship, whereas it just seemed like 'the next step' with my ex. It was what was expected of us.
I'm not condoning long distance relationships; they are a lot of hard work and the're not for the faint hearted in the slightest- I ought to know, I've been in enough of them!
My point is that with long distance, if the feelings are mutual, it can work. It takes a lot of patience and determination but the fact remains that it is amazing if it is wanted by both parties.
Feel free to ask me your questions; email me at kmuncey10@gmail.com or tweet me @typhoonfighter.

For kim's blog which is all about life after school, (whether you take the route into higher education or employment) follow this link.. http://life-uni-jobs-101.blogspot.com/

What is real friendship?

There are many types of friendships, but what does it mean to be a friend to someone?
To be a genuine friend to someone, you shouldn't be afraid to express your own opinion, especially when giving advice. Too many people now a days just agree with what their friends think because it's just the easiest way to get along, but are you really being a good friend by doing so?
A real friend is always honest, and will tell you if they believe something isn't right. Even with the silly things by saying what you're wearing is ridiculous, but in the nicest way possible, to the more serious things where they think your idea of going about a situation is wrong. Good friends will honestly guide you every step of the way, yet won't judge you for mistakes you make.
One example that springs to mind is when a friend falls out with someone, how many of you jump on the bandwagon, especially when you're with that friend, bitching about that person when you don't mean it deep down, you do it just for the sake of it? It's such a petty reason but it really goes to bite you in the ass when the person finds out you've been two faced.
A time when friendships are tested is when friends in your group fall out and your reactions to it. To be a good friend you have to stick to your own opinions. If you just agree with what your friend says to you, then to other people agree with their conflicting ideas, both sides will feel betrayed by you and feel you've lied. Too many people do it. Good friends would point out where the problem is, and try and resolve it. Even if it means admitting to them they're in the wrong.. especially when you know they won't like it.

There's more to friendship than spending X amount of time with them and just listening to them agreeing with what they think and how they feel. Would you want your friends to just agree with what you say even though it's wrong? The whole point in having friends to support you is that they make the situation better, or at least easier for you, but how is that meant to happen if they're agreeing to the wrong things, or saying the wrong things?
No one seems to have any real opinions anymore, we know everyone does but they don't voice it to the right people. We go behind each others backs and express those views to other friends who have nothing to do with the situation while we're meant to be telling our friends. Sometimes conflicting ideas does cause arguments, but who goes through life without arguing huh? Surely it's better than the arguments that follow your friend finding out you've been two-faced or a friend of yours has been two faced. There's taking both sides into account, and there's just being plain bitchy.

Real friends don't judge you on how you go about things and how you feel about certain situations, they accept, repect them and take them into account when they've asked for advice etc. Friendships are seeing more and more fake to me, people pretending to agree to something because it's the easiest way to get along. Today a lot of people are really two-faced and there really isn't any need for it. If you feel the need to be two faced, then maybe you should be re-considering who your friends are.

This is just one part of what it means to be a real friend, but it's a part that I feel is really lacking today, when I look around the people I know... What do you guys think?