After reading the comments on the advice question about cheating yesterday, I realised how different people's views are on cheating and forgiveness...
Not everyone always agrees with second chances, personally I do. If my partner cheated on me, and he seemed genuinely sorry, I think I could give them the second chance, but if they did it again. They'd be straight out of the door.
Everyone can make a mistake, everyone can slip up at a moment. It doesn't make it OK, but we're all guilty of doing the wrong thing. No one reading this can say they haven't messed up at some point in their life. It's not an excuse, but if you have something worth not throwing away for one mistake? Second chances are surely understandable right?
I've collected a few opinions from the people closest to me, and the opinion is pretty split between, giving them the one second chance and ending it right there and then.
Obviously when you find out your partners cheated on you, you need time to heal, and things can't straight away go back to how you were. But one thing people need to make a relationship work is commitment. I know cheating isn't being committed in a relationship, but if you're willing to admit when you've made a mistake and stick around to prove that you want the relationship to work and that you're sorry. Then that's showing a hell of a lot of commitment.
And being the person who got cheated on, it's still showing a lot of commitment by working through the bad times to save a relationship that makes you happy.
My advice to anyone who's going through a tough time due to cheating. This is the advice I'd give to anyone.
For the partner who's been cheated on.
Look at your relationship, how was it before you found this out? How happy were you? And look at the situation, is it a one off mistake? Compare that to how happy you were in your relationship and ask yourself, is it really worth throwing away your whole relationship for? Is it something you feel you can work through, and if you did, would it be worth it to be as happy as you were before? And the most important thing, can you trust them not to hurt you like that again? and do you believe them to be truly sorry?
Only when you've answered those questions can you honestly know whether you can still commit yourself to that relationship.
For the partner that cheated.
First questions first, do you regret it? And do you believe yourself to never make the same mistake again? If you know you wouldn't do it again, then by all means fight for your relationship, if you want to that is.
If you do, don't push your partner into taking you back straight away. Give them the space, yet do everything you can to prove yourself without suffocating them.
Listen to what they have to say, and accept how they feel. Allow yourself to explain without causing an argument. Things won't get better straight away, but being too defensive can only make things worse.
Hope this helps.
If anyone needs any advice, or has idea for a blog topic, email me at Shaneyxcakes@gmail.com
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