New Projects!

So as you guys all know, I've not been posting on the blog recently, this is due to a couple of things;

1) 3rd year University work is VERY time consuming!
2) I've been (in my spare time) writing articles for my student news paper...

I'll be posting these every now and again, but I would love for you  guys to take a look and let me know what you think!
Especially for those of you who aren't in Aberystwyth and able to pick up a copy of the Courier!

This is my newest article for Novembers issue, about the rise in students going into the sex industry to pay their way through University, and I raise the question, do we really know all the dangers behind this kind of work?


Students in the sex Industry

Advice Blog: Can I have a long distance relationship at 15?

I got asked a question the other day from a friend of mine, he's 15 and talking online to a girl over in the states. He spoke to me last week about his feelings for her and whether he could pursue a healthy relationship with her.

Being young, and going through your teenage years, it seems like everything to have a boyfriend/girlfriend and as nice as it might be, we do sometimes end up just running after every person who seems to be at least decent looking and giving us attention!

As much as I would have loved to back my friend up 100% in terms of his relationship with this girl, you have to be realistic in your relationships. If he was a few years older, working and could afford to go visit and have something more than an internet relationship, I would have been all for this. But at 15, you don't have the ways and the means to go and have a relationship with someone of that distance. He spoke to me about how soon he'll be working and able to save up, and personally I think it's great that he would take the relationship that seriously. But in this day and age, nothing is a given. It's not so easy now to get a job, and with flights etc costing around £500, you have to think for someone who's 16, is this a relationship they can really make work?

I don't even think I could maintain a healthy relationship with someone of that distance, being a grown up is so expensive!

As much as we would love to jump into a relationship and be able to say 'I have a girlfriend/boyfriend' at this age. We do need to remember to be sensible when it comes to committing ourselves to a relationship. And when we're so young, who wants to!

Enjoy being 15, trust me, it doesn't last forever!

Remember you can email me here, and follow me on Facebook and twitter :)

Gossip Gossip Gossip!

We have to admit, we do like a bit of gossip, if somethings going down, whoever we are, we do always find it interesting to know whats going on in peoples lives, whether it's a celebrity or a friend, even if it's someone we don't actually. Our social lives thrives on gossip and the lives of other people.

With social networking sites like Facebook and Twitter, we put so much of our lives out there, and yet we wonder how gossip goes around.
We throw everything on our profiles, the food we eat, our mood swings, and I am definitely one of those people, I like a good old stressy status. Facebook has become a way to vent, in result people see it, and will make assumptions of whats going on, and rumours, that spread like shit anyway, now spread even quicker.

People do say, people who concern themselves with other peoples lives and problems clearly don't have anything interesting going on in theirs, and in some cases that can be true, but I do also believe that sometimes we focus on other peoples gossips at times to escape from the negative things going on in our own lives.
Come on, admit it's nice to sometimes see how shitty life is going for someone we hate when we aren't too happy with our own lives? It makes you feel better right? Not that that's right, but... I won't deny it feels good sometimes!

A few of you asked for some of my tips to help prevent the spread of gossip, so here they are!

1) (and the most obvious!) Think about who you're telling your business too, everyone has a few friends that are complete gossips!

2) Avoid 'heat of the moment' Facebook status' and tweets etc, it gets people talking!

3) No matters what's going on behind closed doors, put on that poker face! Sometimes you don't need to say a word for people to know things are wrong!

Remember you can email me! Facebook me! and follow me on Twitter! to put in suggestions for future (more in depth) posts and advice!
Soon my new advice blog will be uploaded for you to take a  gander at, aimed at my younger teenage audience!

Take care guys!
Rebbie. x

Advice Blog: Accepting It's over.

'Rebbie.

I just wondered if you had any advice for me..

I've been in a relationship with this guy, for about a year now, and I've just started at University. Before I left I kept hinting that the relationship wasn't going to work while I was at uni, and to be honest, I don't really want to be in a relationship when I've just moved away, and settling in. But he hasn't taken any of my hints, he's even talking about coming to visit me next month, when I've got all settled in.

I'm not quite sure what to do, or how to tell him. It's not because I want to go and sleep around, and/or find someone else.. I just don't want to be in a relationship now..'

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The first and only thing you need to do in this situation is just be honest with him, there's really nothing else you can do, stop dropping hints and just tell him straight how you feel. A lot of couples break up just before one, or both of them leave for university, especially when it becomes a long-distance relationship. And some try and figure out the long-distance isn't going to work for them.

Obviously, he's going to be hurt, and you're going to be as well, but at the end of the day if it's what you want, and you're not happy in this relationship then you have to bite the bullet and break it off before he makes any set plans to come and see you.

Hopefully it'll help and you'll find things easier, good luck!

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If anyone else wants any advice on anything at all. Feel free to email me here

Or message me on Facebook

And don't forget to follow my twitter =D

battles worth fighting?

Friends are there for us through thick and thin, but at times, can those friends be there for us too much? Sometimes we push our friends away just for being there, or 'not caring' and sometimes for caring too much. In reality it's mainly because our friends share a different view to us, and we don't like it. So we argue and push them away.
So what arguments are worth fighting, and which aren't? Sometimes being the best friend can ruin your relationship. If a friend wants to make a decision which you know as an outsider is a big mistake. You're best off not pushing it, especially when it involves something close to their heart. A partner, or family etc, because the chances are they aren't going to change their mind.

As a friend, we should always respect the decisions of other people, if it's what they want to do, even though you know it's wrong, sometimes the best thing we can do is sit back and watch them make their own mistakes so they can learn from them.
People say the best friends people can have are the ones who step in and no matter what, will always stop you from making the wrong decisions, and I personally believe that is true. But sometimes we can't learn lessons in life unless we've personally made the mistakes, or at least watched people around us making the same ones. Plus the factor of the person in questions personality.

If it's clear that that person isn't going to change their mind, the best thing you can do is just sit back and support them through the decision, no matter how hard it is to watch. Because at the end of the day, what are you going to achieve? Nothing, apart from the possibility of losing a friendship. Unfortunately it's a similar situation to one that I've been involved in this past year, and one of my friendships fell apart. If you try and stop someone from doing what they want to do, no matter how wrong or how stupid it is, they're going to lose respect for you, because you're being 'unsupportive.'

You just have to figure out if it's something where your opinion in their decision is one they're really going to listen to, because if they want to make that decision enough, they won't, and is it worth losing a friendship over?

Memory lane can be quite a funny place.

Who remembers late last year/early this year when I made profile up on dating and 'fuck buddy' sites to do a whole load of research into them and into dating and sex lives themselves.

I received an email earlier this week asking if I still used LocalSlags.com ... I'd never even heard that site before but I knew instantly where he'd got this from.

A lot of sites out there that are there solely for people who sign up and find a 'intimate friend' all share details with each other and share the profiles on their website. So if you sign up to one, you're signed up to them all. I've had enquiries asking why I'm on sexyGILF when I'm on 20 years of age, and some site to do with cougars....

Why don't I take these profiles down? Because I can't. The admins on the site always figured out that I was on there purely to play about and do research for my blog and always cut off my account. Yet, they kept my profile details on all the sites. This is to make men believe that there are plenty of girls out there on this website looking for a quick shag, long term fool-around-er. So they sign up to the site and pay the monthly fee. Now, they do in the small print say that they share their information with other site, but who actually reads the small print on a website? :P

What a lot of people don't realise is that the same profiles are on these weird and not so wonderful sites, so if they sign up to more than one of them, they're paying for the same thing, and that they don't realise is when they sign up to a new site, paying their monthly fee, they actually already have a profile on there...
Yet some people are lucky enough to find what they are looking for, and are happy. However most people unfortunately, get left with nothing and fair few pennies emptied out of their pocket.

As for me, I am doomed to be on the internet forever, a cougar, GILF and local slag. Wonderful!

Here is a photo of how pleased I am over this.... =P

The truth in drinks.

There are a lot of things we don't actually realise until 

we actually see it for ourselves. As you can see in the picture here, there is A LOT of sugar in soft drinks.
Considering this is a better option against 'diet' drinks. What can you do, to enjoy your favourite drinks yet not poison your body with sugar overloads and damaging chemicals such as Aspartame?
The truth is, you can't. Contrary to public belief the difference between 'zero' and 'diet' drinks is.... well, there isn't one really. Both contain aspartame instead of the vast amount of sugar, demonstrated in the photograph. To check out the minimal differences in the two drinks click the link Here.

So what alternatives are there out there? For all those lemonade lovers, there's a fantastic drink out there for you! Vitamin water: Lemonade. Unlike most lemon flavoured waters and juices, this product actually tastes just like lemonade... Even without the fizz, and even better, less than half the amount of sugar! However drink these in moderation, as they are part of the vitamin water franchise, they contain high amounts of essential vitamins, which is you intake too much of, too regularly could result some nasty chronic diseases! Stick to at least one a day, if you chose this water as a beverage! Check it out here

However, keep an eye on Fructose levels, Fructose is a simple sugar found in fruits, and have been believed for years that it is a better substitute to other sugars, a little bit of Fructose is good for you, however if you take in too much of it, can cause heart problems Fructose Facts.

The truth is most fruit, soft and flavoured drinks are artificial and contain an amount of dangerous sweeteners and other crap which is very bad for you! The best advice I can give to you is to drink things in moderation. If you are concerned about what you're taking in, stick to water, and cordial drinks.

What you drink can hold as many calories and have just as much of an effect on your health as foods do, and a lot of people don't realise this! So be careful about what you drink if you're health conscious!

Remember you can Email, follow on Facebook and Twitter
I still do my advice column and have been receiving a lot of emails lately. I really appreciate all your emails, and please keep them coming :).

The peado speedo's

Obviously this isn't a serious blog. But I do want to share with you the horrific experience I've just had in the swimming pool just now. Here are my top reasons as to why you shouldn't wear the 'Paedo Speedo'

1) When you are doing the breast stroke in front of me I can see your testicles dancing. As a 20 year old, I do not wish to see this from a 50 year old man. It is gross.

2) When you look at me, even if it's just a quick glance, when wearing the peado's you look like you're about to go on a rape mission, No offence, but you do, and it's scary.

3) When you are aroused by the party of german kids who came running through in their swim wear, it is VERY OBVIOUS... and scary. Though let me congratulate you on growing such a sizeable rape stick.

4) When you wear speedo's that a size too small, your vast amounts of pubic hair bushes through like I don't know what. This was very disturbing every time you felt it necessary to stand in my way, It was not fun almost swimming into your aroused bushy crotch.

5) Unless you are the really hot guy who came by, or the nice looking lifeguard, I do not want to see a detailed outline of your genitals. To be honest, why wear anything at all? At least they weren't white and see through!

6) Because you're speedo's were a size too small, your testicles made a habit of popping out. Considering you were doing the breast stroke, I found this disturbing as I saw with every kick you made. I in the end, swam with my eyes closed and swam into someone else.

Once the speedo guy had left, I felt safe... FOR ALL OF TWO MINUTES. As two trolls came to swim next to me. (No, seriously. I think they were trolls) At first I thought it wasn't going to be as bad as the speedo guy. But I ended up being just as disturbed for these reasons.

1) They did not feel the need to sort out the wedgie they had, Imagine a 20+ stone woman wearing a g-string or a thong. Now you feel my pain.

2) They wore swimming costumes that were a size too big, so as they were doing the breast stroke as I past, From the side I got a glimpse of their wonderful half grown back cactus pubes.

3) And from the back I'm pretty sure they were half monkey. The hairiest arse I have EVER seen.

I love swimming, but now I'm scared to go back :'(

Autism Awareness

So many people emailed asking me about life with my Autistic brother and for me to write a piece about it, so as requested, here it is :).

Autism is getting more recognised by the day, although admittedly I'd never heard of it until I was 13 years old, when my little brother Matthew, then 11, got diagnosed with Asperger's syndrome. Since the age of about 2, we knew he had some learning difficulties, due to his inability to communicate with us, and his inability to really act sociably in the way most other kids would. We got told he wouldn't amount to anything, and he wouldn't be able to achieve much educationally, and with other aspects.
I remember, while all the other kids would be playing in the playground together, on the slide, swings etc. My brother would just walk around the fence just staring at it out of the corner of his eye. Wouldn't do anything else for the duration of us being there.

I also remember how people used to treat my mum, because of Matt's inability to communicate to us when something was wrong, and his inability to understand really what emotions were going through him, he would just cause a scene, play up, kicking and screaming, and somehow my poor mum had to figure out from that what was wrong.

Because we never had a real diagnosis of what was wrong, or any idea what was going on in my brothers mind to upset him, it took us a fair while to realise that 9/10. It was a disruption in his routine that was the matter. My mum soon figured out, that she could only go to one cake shop on the way home from town, because if my mum went there once, to get a bun, and didn't go again, the next time she walked past that shop, my brother would start to play up. And it looks and sounds like he would just be acting like a spoilt brat. But it really isn't the case. It was just the fact that something was different, and he couldn't process it, and it upset him.

People who have Asperger's syndrome often create a deep interest in things, my brother it was wrestling, video games (his PS1 when we were young!) and he could tell you everything about it, but it was all he would talk about, if you would ask him a question about the weather, he'd reply with something to do with wrestling. His focus was always on his little fascinations.
He used to have a big fascination with automatic doors, he HAD to be the one to open them, so if my mum ever needed to go into a shop with automatic doors, and that particular shop was busy... Jesus, you can imagine what happened when my mum got tired of waiting for them to close long enough for him to open them... Arms out, legs out, kicking, screaming, crying. My poor mum! People used to look and judge her in the street, saying how much of a bad kid my brother was, and how much of a bad mum my mum was being. When actually, she was nothing but an amazing mum to us both.

Things did get better for my brother though, after not being able to talk much and understand us, and not be able to really socialise and get on with other kids, things soon got better, and he began mainstream school just before he turned 6, and made some amazing friends. A lot grew out of him, as they developed quicker than him, but he just made more and more friends. Now, he's 18, about to do his second year of college, has an A-level in Maths, and is applying for University. He's done so well for himself. But it's not been without the struggles. A lot of people don't recognise Autism in the people that they meet. Especially kids and teenagers, bullying was a big problem, and I can't count the amount of fights I got in, sticking up against people who made fun of him. It's even harder to see him not recognise that they do make fun of him. A lot of the time it's just an assumption that they're joining in with him and what he's doing, and that's really not the case! Kids would come up to me at school, saying what Matt had done, laughing and saying stuff, when I'd go to ask him, he would just say, 'Yeah, we were all doing it.' It always hurt to see him as such an easy target.
Even this weekend I ended up confronting some lads that I went to school with, because they made fun of the way he was dancing in the club, and calling him a 'retard'. But if he's happy doing what he's doing, who am I to tell him he can't dance the way he wants to. The thing is, he doesn't care what people think, It's just hard to me to see people treat him like that, when all he's doing is having a good time with me and our friends on a night out.


Here's a picture of us from that night out, many people believe that the reason why Autism is a lot less recognised as it should be is because you can't see it in their physical appearance as you would with other syndromes etc. From having Matt as my brother, I've learnt a lot of things that I wouldn't have known without him. I would have been a lot less aware of Autism and what it actually is and how it affects people. Which is why I would love for you guys reading this, if you aren't aware yourselves to go research it! Here are some links :D
http://www.autismspeaks.org/
Autism Fact Sheet
http://www.autism.com/

http://www.autismplus.org/ < The wonderful charity shop I volunteer at, that help do some amazing things to support people with Autism!

And for those of you on twitter, there are some amazing profiles on there for you to go and follow such as: @Autismspeaks and @NatAutisticSoc

Some people with Autism achieve some brilliant things, and even people who struggle to achieve through it, I've found they are the happiest people, who bring the most joy into people's lives. I would love to see an end to discrimination and ignorance towards Autism. It isn't always easy to work with Autistic people, it can be really difficult especially in their younger years, but it shouldn't be an issue, and I can't think of a reason why it should be.

Do you know what you're consuming?

There are a lot of secrets in the food and market industry, a lot of sly things to make us believe we're eating healthier than we actually are.  So what should we be looking for on the packaging of our meals, ingredients etc?

Did you know:
There is only one official '1-of-your-5-a-day' logo that has been approved by the Food Standards Agency? The rest are all just ploys to make you believe you are having a healthier meal than you actually are. Food companies can shove an Apple in a box and smother it in sugar and salt, and still put their own '1-of-your-5-a-day' stickers on the packaging.
These stickers are helping the sales of meals that contain high amounts of sugar, salts and fats, which obviously aren't good for you. If you guys get the chance to, Watch the Dispatches documentary, 'Myths about your 5-a-day' because it will reveal many truths that we should be aware of!

This is the official logo, only foods that contain no added sugar, and added salts are allowed to use this logo. If you see any other logo, check the salt and sugar content in the packaging, to see what you're about to purchase! Don't be fooled by the other logos!

And just because there is a logo on the packaging doesn't mean it even contains one portion of fruit of veg! (Refer to the programme to see their findings). Be sure you know what counts as your 5-a-day! FIND OUT HERE
Myths about your 5-a-day (Dispatches)

Another big deception that companies are throwing on us is the use artificial sugars and sweeteners, that are found in 'diet' and other such drinks. The use of Aspartame in these drinks, takes away the calories, while keeping the sweetness within them. Sounds amazing doesn't it. But it is all too good to be true. 'Diet' and similar claiming drinks and beverages are actually A LOT worse for you, as the Aspartame within them slowly destroy neurons inside of you, and you wouldn't even begin to notice until at least 75% of those neurons in a particular area of the brain are already gone. For more information on Aspartame and the serious illnesses it helps contribute to, follow the link below.
Aspartame Information

Everyone who follows me on Facebook and Twitter, knows I have been testing some products and researching what is REALLY going into them, and the best products, and the companies who are actually selling positive, healthy products. My first post will be up very shortly, which includes products from Weight Watchers, and BLK Beverages.

As always, if you want to get in touch with topic requests/advice my email is; RebbieShaneOfficial@gmail.com

My facebook Rebbie-Shane
And my Twitter Rebbie_Shane

Girlfriends and Boyfriends aren't always so crazy...

We hear all the time about people acting crazy in their relationships, Girl's kicking off at their boyfriends for hanging around with another girl and vice versa, and the way the stories get told, you do get the impression that girl/boy is absolutely bat-shit crazy! It isn't always the case, we do forget what runs through the other person's mind.

Walking home with one of my best friends last night, she was telling me stories of stuff that had happened before in her relationship and the things she'd done. Sometime's she didn't understand why she kicked off the way she did... But to me it was kind of fairly obvious....

One of the great things about relationships is that you get to know a person so well you can predict their reactions to anything, and you can work out how far you can push a person before they snap at you. Some people in their relationships aren't phased at all by their partners hanging around with people of the opposite sex, but sometimes even for those people there are limits to how much they can't be phased by things.

So, boyfriends and girlfriends...
- One thing that is certain is, if you try and hide that you're hanging out with someone of the opposite sex, and then your partner finds out, they're rightfully going to flip off about it.
Whether there is something happening between you guys or not, if you are texting your partner and just wondering what you're up to. For gods-sake, just tell them you're hanging around with someone. Don't bother trying to be shady about it, people aren't stupid, partners tend to know when you're trying to hide something, because they know you just that well.

- Don't treat other people better than your partner. I've seen a fair few arguments in relationships over very small things, such as buying drinks, giving lifts, and just their general behaviour. Which from an outsiders point of view does actually look like the one picking the fight is some kind of lunatic, but the fact is; If you're going to do a nice thing for another guy/girl say, drop them off somewhere, but for whatever reason you always tell your partner to basically get stuffed, or to walk, then obviously when your partner finds out you're not saying that to other people, they're going to be a little hurt and wonder, why the fuck you're treating this other person like that, when you don't treat them like that.

Little things can cause big arguments, and make people look absolutely mental, when in reality, they aren't actually that crazy... when you think about it, it's kind of stupid right? I could list a million other things that cause the same amount of problems, but you'd all get bored reading it! Just think, whenever you hear stories like this that are over silly things, don't be quick to assume anything of anyone. Something will more than likely have pushed them into feeling that way... they probably aren't some crazy bitch. =)

I'm still doing my advice emails, I've had loads from you guys recently, But keep them coming my email is
RebbieShaneOfficial@gmail.com

Check me out of facebook: (Rebbie-Shane) https://www.facebook.com/pages/Rebbie-Shane/108070522645820

Or Follow me on twitter (@Rebbie_Shane)

Thanks for reading guys!

Being comfortable in your own skin

I asked on twitter and facebook, judging from a photo I posted, what the topic of my next blog was... It didn't scream the answer no, and someone even asked if I was pregnant! (I'm not, by the way everyone haha). But one thing I would wish on everyone is that they are comfortable with the person they are, inside and out.
It's a lot easier to be comfortable with yourself on the inside, but most people who have low self esteem are self conscious by how they are physically. One thing I would love is for everyone to be able to look in the mirror and be happy with what they see, or if not happy, at least not sad! Because no one on this planet doesn't look good in my opinion, yeah we all walk around listing the things that look 'horrible' on our bodies, but at the end of the day, what is it really doing apart from making you feel bad?

We all have things we would change about ourselves, even the people who you think are the most beautiful people in the world will look at themselves and be like, I wish that was a little different.
At the end of the day... WHO CARES? The only people who would look at you and judge you on your physical 'imperfections' are the people who aren't worth your time in the slightest!

I have a couple of friends who are currently working on the things they don't like, exercise, healthy eating, and are getting excited and are really happy with the progress they're making. They've turned something they used to see negatively into a positive thing, and making themselves happier. Not that I think any of them were any less than beautiful anyway. But the fact is, even though they weren't happy, they now look at themselves and see how healthy they are, and the progress they're making, and that makes them happy.

I just hate seeing people obsess with their imperfections, exercise and eat healthier for your health, not to make yourself look any different to what you look like.
Who cares if you have a tummy, big nose, funny looking ears, only one eye... If you were to look in the mirror now, and even if you did only have one eye, look into it and see how beautiful it is, because the people that love you are the ones that will see that. Not think about the one that's missing.

I've gone from being one of the skinniest to my friends and over the past few years I'm now one of the biggest, I'm a size 12 and that many stone, but on a girl who's only 5"3, it doesn't sit so right and I don't always feel great about it... but my friends never once said a thing to me, never once commented on it, because they didn't see it. And if I can be happy with my life and my friends and just doing what I want to do in life. Who the fuck cares if I have a tummy that people mistake for a baby! haha. And everyone else should be saying the same thing, because I think you're all amazing and beautiful :)

Advice Blog: Torn between two.

I've chosen this email from a fair few advice questions I've received over the past couple of weeks, as it's a topic that I've found myself in plenty of times, and that I've helped friends with too!
Unfortunately she didn't give me much to go on, but it's a common thing for people to go through!

'I've recently been having feelings for a couple of a guys, both of which like me and have been involved with, one is a really great friend and the other, well typically I didn't know liked me until my other fling started, which is gutting because I had a massive crush on him for ages before all this... To be honest, I don't even know what I really want advice on... I just have no idea what I'm doing!' 

- Crushes are weird things aren't they! From the sounds of it, the way you said one of these guys were a 'friend' means it's either swinging both ways... He is more of a friend than a potential boyfriend, or this guy can actually be a really good match for you! Because he can play both roles! But there's nothing wrong with liking more than one person at once, seeing them both at the same time is a little dodgy, as if they or other people find out, you could be in for a lot of crap heading your way! :/.
But you need to work out what you actually want, by the sounds of it, you're not in the right place for an actual relationship, just a little bit of fun until your hormones wear down a little bit! haha.
If you know one of these guys really REALLY likes you, maybe you should cool it off until you decide what you want, otherwise he may find out about the other and then you'll lose their respect and friendship.

It's always a difficult one, especially seen as you probably won't want to lose either of them, but, how long can you play this game for? I'm not judging though... I've been there myself and it can be quite tough. Just be honest about how you feel to them, or give yourself some space from them both and see who you miss the most?

What about the guy you had a crush on before, is it just a physical thing, or do you know them well enough to be able to see them as something more? You're right with it being typical timing though, it seems to happen way too often!

You just have to figure out who you want. Though do you want either of them that bad if you're willing to continue a relationship with the other? I can't tell you how you feel, I wish i could! Maybe you should talk to each of them and find out how they're feeling, and what they think is going on between them and you. But, right now I don't think you're in any position to make a decision yet, but you are in a position to potentially hurt two guys...

The best thing to do is talk to each of them and try and find out how you feel and tell them sweetheart. Though saying that, I never have the balls to tell anyone how I feel. It's scary right? Just focus on you for now and when you realise who you like more/what you want. Just be honest and do what makes you happy.
Hope it helps chick! and good luck!! :D


Remember, you can still email me for any advice to be used for the blog or in confidence at; RebbieShaneOfficial@gmail.com
Facebook; Rebbie-Shane
Twitter; @Rebbie_Shane

Fighting

After a couple of days of space, and time to myself. I rekindled my number one principle. To try the hardest you can to get what you want. Because if you really want it, would you be ever happy? A lot of life's regrets are from not fighting for what we want.

I've made a pretty awesome decision in the last coupe of days, and im going to fight for the shit I want :D

New advice blog coming tomorrow! And now uni is over more regular blogs are coming your way this summer. Especially my travelling diaries, as im travelling round the UK for the summer :)

Admitting mistakes

What else to come back into my blog with than with a little telling off! =D... I joke of course. Though there is something that has been in debate with me and a couple of friends recently and that's admitting mistakes.

We do all sometimes lie and run away from the things that we have done, I've done it plenty in the past, and sometimes I still do and it is only because we're a little scared of the consequences and the telling off that we'll get!
If you can get away with shit, you can get away with shit... right?

It's not always the case though is it? We have flawed natures and personalities which means every now and again we're going to do shit that's going to hurt the people we care about and end up damaging relationships and friendships.
I know that sometimes the things we've done wrong can be forever hidden, but that's not always the case. I do believe that we should always own up to shitting on people, but I do also believe that if you're going to cause someone unnecessary hurt, then you should probably keep your mouth shut. Because I don't agree with hurting people when you can get away with not doing.

For example.
Me and my ex just broke up, and as a lot of you know, that was a long distance thing. But say if one of us had cheated, and spent the night with someone else. If that then caused the decision for us to break up with the other one? Would it be all that bad to also throw in the fact you'd slept with someone else?

Personally, I wouldn't want to know. But there is the conflict of what is the right thing to do. Because the right thing would be to be honest right?
Or would the right thing to do, be to go the 'cowards way out' and not cause that extra bit of hurt?

(BTW, that was all hypothetical! As far as I know... neither of us cheated...*suspicious stare* :p).

What do you guys think? Is it ok for us to sometimes break moral rules and have secrets to prevent causing more damage? Or do you think it's just a cowards way out?

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Remember; I'm still doing advice through my email. Even though I've been away for a while, I'm still getting loads of messages from you guys :D.

AND; (Permitting I get my last assignment finished!) MY FIRST VIDEO WILL BE DONE TOMORROW :D

Get excited folks!

Gossip and Drama..

Hey guys.
Sorry I hadn't blogged in oh so long... too many things have been happening it's unreal and crazy!

But something I've been thinking about is the amount of shit that goes down in our lives, we go around saying 'we hate drama' and 'why does shit always seem to kick off' but deep down we do live for it a little bit, you've got to admit...
We all like to gossip and know little things about each other. Curiosity is a natural thing, but we hate it when all the hate is coming in our direction...

But something that is gripping people all around the world is reality TV, a lot of people do like to watch shows like 'the only way is Essex' and what have you... (A lot of people who hate it, actually haven't watched it :P) I never have, and granted there are people on there that have seen it and just don't like it. But a lot of us get into the lives of others and the drama and gossip...
I'm a real sucker for the 'Real Housewives' franchise. I love the shows... But then again, I do like to gossip and be opinionated on stuff at times...

We all have a natural curiosity for things, and when it comes to the people around you, it interests you, because you know that person, and you're all like 'oooooh.' And reality shows do so well because without realising, you do begin to feel like you know these people that are on your TV screens, because they are sharing private moments in their lives, and you see them in their homes, from doing outrageous things, to just everyday things that we can relate to. You get an insight into them and you start to relate to them and form your own opinions and stuff.

But when it comes to our lives, and the people around us, a lot of people get VERY gossipy and opinionated about stuff that has absolutely nothing to do with them. And so begins the whole talking about people behind their backs and what have you.
RULE NUMBER ONE: don't say anything about anyone that you wouldn't say to their faces. Because people gossip and some people have no problem with confronting people about what they've apparently said. So be careful guys with what you say, and if you do over motor your mouth, slagging someone off etc. Apologise. Too many friendships break from over powered motormouths...

To be fair, no one should be slagging off someone about some idol gossip anyway, unless you know the full story. But we do tend to make some kind of opinion based on what we hear, it's natural. But voicing it is a different matter, and people really need to be careful about what they are saying.
Your mouth has the ability to get you into good places, and it also earns itself a good smack when it doesn't know when to stop!

Be careful with what you say guys... if it doesn't involve you, try not to involve yourself with your opinions.. makes life a hell of a lot easier...

Decisions.

The thing is, we all make decisions. Right, wrong, indifferent, stupid, crazy, smart etc, and each decision we make takes us on a different path.
Some we keep secret, and some we push out there. We judge people by the decisions they make, but who are we to judge them?
Everyone makes decisions that some people won't agree with. But this is our life. If you're going to make big decisions you have to;

-Know the negative as well as the positive consequences.
-Accept that not everyone will agree with them

-Those who don't will sometimes have a strong opinion and therefore a large mouth!
-Accept every negative response/consequence as well as the positive.

You'd think these are pretty simple and everyone follows them? But they don't and some people genuinely aren't prepared for the negativity that comes with some decisions. One of the most common I've seen recently is one of the most stupid things. Offensive jokes/quotes/sayings... or even jokes/quotes/saying in general really, whether you say them online, through text, to peoples faces etc, a lot of people can't stand the fact that some people will turn round and not agree, be offended by what people say... and it starts an argument. For example, when a celebrity dies, facebook/twitter etc goes mad with jokes, puns etc. The person saying is only having a bit of a laugh, but it always goes to a person/people who don't like it, say something, and that person who told the joke or what have you goes ape shit at this person for being offended.
We all know that situation right?
If you're going to say something taboo/offensive or anything along that train or even on another train, in life everyone disagrees, accept it, don't kick off and be a dick. The words 'I didn't mean for that to offend anyone' or even the words 'Sorry' aren't hard to say/type. It's not hard to accept that someone's feelings were tugged at, just as it's not hard to accept that people find what you say, or what other people say humorous.

Another different example...
We all go out and have a laugh with our friends, have amazing nights out, some of us even drink a little too much and some people even like to take the occasional person home with them.
Everyone who knows me knows I don't have a problem with single people having one night stands etc. You're not hurting anyone or doing anything wrong. But sometimes this does cause a negative image with some people if this is a regular thing, or if that person you take home is a wanker and doesn't tell you they're with someone/married/engaged/a monk/nun/elephant/tree what have you, you have to be honest, who has time for a background check on a night out?
I'm not saying anyone should put up with abuse like that, not in the slightest, but people talk, people bitch, you have to learn to take the bullshit and put it in a place where it can't hurt you. I see it's not the best example to use, but as much as people have to accept you aren't doing anything intentionally bad, you also have to take bad responses, and throw them over your shoulder in the best way possible. It's just a different view point to a very common situation.

You know, you make decisions, sometimes we get negative reactions etc. But that's just life. Sometime's we're totally not prepared for them and they catch us off guard. Sometimes we genuinely believe we're not doing anything wrong and that's fine. Not one person on this earth hasn't made a bad/wrong decision. We're imperfect, but I believe that's what makes us perfect people.

Some people make bad decisions, knowing they're bad, but won't accept the bad consequences. People like that... they're just cowards. The strongest people take situations as they are, good or bad.

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I cheated and I don't know what to do

It's been a while since I did one of my advice blogs (Shame on all my friends who are reading this thinking I cheated :P)
But I got an email from a girl who had cheated on her boyfriend, and was a little confused about what it meant etc. Anyway, if you have any more advice to give her then comment below, Follow on Facebook or Twitter :)

Or if you need any advice, (Either to be answered via my blog or privately, email me at Shaneyxcakes@gmail.com)



'Hi Rebbie,
I've been with my boyfriend for a few months now, and when we first got together I really liked him, and I still do... I just feel the spark has gone out of the relationship. I'm starting to wonder if I want to be with him anymore. I know he loves me and he is the best boyfriend I've ever had, but something isn't there...
A couple of weeks ago I went out with a few of my friends, and ended up taking someone else home. To be honest I don't exactly regret it, but It's made me wonder even more about whether I want to be with my boyfriend or not :/. If he found out what happened he'd be so upset :(. What should I do?'



Hey there random person with no name :P haha.

First of all, a lot of people do tend to feel that way after being in a relationship for a fair amount of time, as things tend to get more permanent and things are starting to seem like they're going to work out for the long run, it's natural for us to start thinking about 'Is this what I want to focus my life and time on?'
What are your feelings for the guy you cheated on your boyfriend with? Is he someone you know and like? Or was he just a one night stranger? If he was just a one night thing then I would suggest just trying to push it to the back of your mind and take some time out for yourself to figure out what you want from your relationship, because that's the important bit in that scenario.

But if it's someone you do like, you need to figure out if it's something that's likely to happen again, because if it is, it's going to be even more unfair on your partner to be sticking around in this relationship if you're playing away. If you feel like you should tell your boyfriend what happened, then tell him, but if it's going to be a 'more trouble than it's worth' situation, noone would blame you for just keeping quiet and forgetting the whole thing. Although if there's a chance someone saw you, don't be surprised if the gossip spreads, maybe you should also think about if it's worth getting the truth out there yourself before the gossip train does!

You never know, that night could of been the night someone realised how much they do want their relationship. Unfortunately I don't think this has happened to you :(. I think you probably do care about your boyfriend a hell of a lot, but you're not in a place to be in a long term or serious relationship. Either because that person isn't the one, or you just don't like being in a committed relationship. Maybe you need some time to yourself away from the pressures of relationships to see what you truly want :).

Hope this helps!

Being confident with identity.

I just read a blog post of a friend I used to be extremely close to before I came to Uni, (http://amy-dale.blogspot.com/) And one of her blog posts (Here goes nothing) talks about her identity as a person and how she see's herself.
Through-out life we all pick up different Labels/titles/identities such as Mother, Father, Boss, Employee, Wife, Husband etc, and they're all pretty standard yes? But sometimes we pick up more unique things within our identity which sometimes people find hard to accept. For example my friend Amy talks about how she feels there is a boy trapped within her body and that he is a part of her, and I really admire her courage to be able to tell people this part of her which is obviously very important to her identity, especially when it's something that not everyone finds themselves able to accept in a person. I'm not saying you should go and write a blog about all the unique things about you, but what I'm trying to say is that even though not everyone may be able to accept certain things about you. If they are things that are a part of you, mean a lot to you and make you happy, you shouldn't shy away from it.
A lot of people get depressed over hiding various parts of themselves and their lives because of what people may think about them, or that they've convinced themselves the people in their lives will leave and strangers will look at them in the street and say a load of crap. Sometimes unfortunately these things do happen, not everyone can accept things, or agree with how you feel etc. But if you're acting ashamed of yourself or a part of your life, you won't be happy. You have to embrace every part of you and be like 'This is me.'

As I said to my friend Amy, I wouldn't look her in any other way than the way I already see her. I see her as a great friend, someone I share many memories with etc. She's a lovely person, and someone that always has me in stitches about 90% of the time i'm with her (The other 10% I'm recovering from laughing at all the stupid things we do and say together!)

A lot of people may not feel the same as you, agree with you, or even accept it, but pretty much nearly everyone who cares about you will respect you and that whatever it is is a part of your life and a part of you!

My facebook and twitter is now linked at the side... if you hover over some random rectangle things on your right! :)
Or Email me at Shaneyxcakes@gmail.com

And don't forget to check out my friend Amy's blog! She's an awesome girl! :)

What counts as cheating?

Everyone has a different view on what they see as cheating in a relationship. For example some people see kissing another person of the opposite sex cheating, and some don't. Others count emotional relationships and so on.
But is cheating really? The definition is 'An immoral way of achieving a goal.' so if you're unhappy emotionally, or the sex in the relationship has gone downhill/become non existent. Finding that with someone else is an immoral way of going about it, because you're breaking the trust.

Everyone has a different boundary of what counts as cheating in their book, so what's yours?

I personally feel it has a big thing to do with how secure you feel in your relationship, if you feel comfortable knowing that your partner does adore you like they should, then you feel a lot more at ease, a lot less paranoid, and if you did find him kissing a friend as a joke, you wouldn't be too miffed about it.
However if you are a little more insecure, a little bit more possessive, those kind of things can bother you a lot more. I've found that it's this factor of security which varies peoples opinions.

I myself have been in relationships where I've laughed while my boyfriends been kissing someone else, and I've been in relationships where the same situation has infuriated me!

Obviously if you go further than kissing it is a pretty much universal view that it is cheating, it's mainly kissing where peoples opinions vary.

Emotional Relationships
As many people know, you don't physically have to participate in anything sexual to be 'cheating' on your relationship. We get close to people that we begin to like more, and those people begin to fill a hole your life. If you're not completely happy, we have someone that we are attracted to and love on some level and they make us feel that happy again, and the same for them to you. But is that cheating?

I don't personally feel like it is cheating, but if you're thinking about how you'd rather be in a relationship with them rather than the person you are in a relationship with, something is seriously wrong, and you have to decide whether your relationship is worth trying to save, or that you need to leave. I do feel like it is a form of betrayal, and it will cause hurt even though there is no sex involved.

What are your opinions? Leave a comment below, follow on facebook or twitter (Links above)
Or email me at Shaneyxcakes@gmail.com

Makeup

As people have seen on my Facebook/Twitter, earlier today I created a poll to see how guys preferred their girls, with or without makeup.

Here is a picture of me taken as I'm writing this, as you can see I have NO makeup on, and a horrible spot on the top of my nose! haha.

And don't even get started on the hair on top of my head!

What do you think to girls who don't wear makeup, personally looking at that picture, i'm pretty damn scared that that's what I look like. But I figure nearly every girl who see's themselves this way. I'm someone who believe that everyone is beautiful no matter what. I personally think that the whole make-up obsession with girls is a little OTT. 

We don't need to wear make-up everyday, and I personally don't understand how people can never go out the house without make-up on. We should all be comfortable with our natural beauty. I wish more people could be more comfortable with how they look. There are millions of people out there, guys, girls who have all these issues about themselves, and I feel sorry for them for the pressure that they feel to be perfect. But noone is perfect, to be human, to be imperfect is to be perfect. We need flaws to be who we are.

But come on guys and girls, it your turn to say something. If you could say something to a girl, a friend, or anyone who's unhappy/paranoid or negative about their appearance say it here in a comment, let me know and let others know how you see us girls.

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Or email me at Shaneyxcakes@gmail.com

Time Management.

Sometimes a lot of us take on a little more than is capable of us. Especially if we're used to having quite a relaxed work load.
Something I've found personally is that our bodies can get so used to a relaxed daily routine. I'm in uni only a couple of days a week, and if I wasn't doing uni, I was writing for this. Now each blog post I write doesn't take me a particularly long time to write. So a lot of last year I was lazing around, and now I've decided to pursue multiple things and take on certain commitments. My bodies struggling to keep up with everything!

One mistake I've been making, which I know a lot of people make, particularly students, is that if we decide to take on a lot of different commitments, we find ourselves slotting in periods where we can take a short sleep, or 'Nap'. Instead of getting a good nights rest! I can't remember the last time I slept through the night.

Now I'm struggling to sleep at all because my mind is always buzzing with all these tasks I've committed myself to doing, I become very physically tired, but mentally very awake.

My advice to anyone taking on new work loads/commitments etc, that need to take a whole lot of time from your day, is to ease yourself into it. There's nothing wrong with jumping in at the deep-end and taking things on, but if you're not used to taking on time-consuming commitments, ease your body into it a little more.
And sustain a healthy body clock.
Don't be like me and go to bed after my 9am lectures, rather than before! You will feel pretty zombie-a-fied just like me!

But if anyone does have any suggestions that can help me get a good nights sleep etc, I'd love to hear it and try some out! It would be interesting to see which one of these methods work!

Hope everyone out there is well!
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Thanks guys for reading!

Safe, explicit materials.

After my blog about selling explicit materials online, I received a number of emails asking for advice on how to take 'safe, explicit materials' either for selling or just sending to boyfriends/girlfriends.
If you do decide to take explicit materials of yourselves, for any purpose this is my advice to you!

1) Keep your face out of the photos


Especially if you're planning on sending photos/videos etc to a boyfriend/girlfriend that you wouldn't want anyone to see. Too many times people send out photo's to other people of their ex partners as some kind of petty revenge, which leads to extreme embarrassment and hurt to the ex-partner. At least if you keep your face out of the material, you can deny it being you!

2) Have an unrecognisable background to the material!


This is something a lot of people don't consider, if you don't want people to recognise you, it doesn't matter if you cut your face out of the photo, if your background is recognisable (Eg; if your bedroom walls, bed pillows etc are obvious in the photos) again it will link to you, and again you wouldn't be able to deny it being you in the material!

3) Only take materials that you're comfortable doing

I know people who take materials for money, and one thing they always get are people who are wanting things they're not comfortable with doing. If this is the case then just don't do it. Forget about the pressure, because if you don't want to do it, you're only going to feel shit about yourself for doing it after. And that isn't worth it!
This is also if you're just sending materials for fun, make sure it stays fun!

4) Send photos to people you know you can trust!


If you are sending photos out for fun, make sure you know you can trust the person. (OK, fair enough our judgement in this isn't always right) But if you're sending materials to someone who has a history of sending peoples photos etc to other people, then obviously, it would be a pretty stupid idea to send them to them!

Also, someone to watch out for, is someone who likes the banter, this applies to both boys and girls, no matter you're gender, people like to gossip, if you're texting someone and sending them materials, there's a big chance they're with the friends, and they're showing off the fact you're willing to send these materials to them. ESPECIALLY WHEN THEY'RE DRINKING, OR OUT WITH FRIENDS.

Best time to send photos is when they're on their own at home, and just a little lonely ;).

5) Have fun with it!


Speaks for itself really!

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Email me: Shaneyxcakes@gmail.com
And if you have anything to say, you can always comment below!

Selling yourself online.

I've been exploring the morality around selling yourself. It's all well known that most people condemn selling yourself as morally wrong, and de-grading.
However, it can be seen as a fetish, not a morally right one in the eyes of some, but what is the motive behind the people who are selling themselves in this way?

It's no lie that a lot of young people are struggling financially today, and we've found that quite a few people are selling themselves in this way online, sending photos and videos for a few quid a bunch, in order to pay their rent, buy their food, etc.

Is it really that wrong for two consensual people to do business this way? I don't believe it is, if consent is given between both sides, then were is the harm in this person selling a few pictures online, and the other person accepting and paying? The hurt and the upset comes if those people have partners and haven't agreed to their partner either selling or paying for these explicit materials.

But should we really judge these ways in which people make their lives a little more financially stable. If a few explicit pictures can save a family from being kicked out on the street, or keep people fed for a few more days. Then doesn't the good outweigh the fact of morally?

What do you guys think? Would you buy a few pictures to help someone financially? Or would you sell a few photos online to earn a few extra pennies?

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Fetish's in society?

Fetish's are often the victim of very strong opinions, either positive or negative.
Do you have a fetish?

Certain things/fetish's can make people feel uncomfortable, especially if displayed in public. However some people discard some of these fetish's as 'Disgusting' and 'Shouldn't be practised' But how should we look at fetish's?

I have been going undercover again finding out what people's fetish's are, they've ranged from something small and everyday like having their neck tickled, to more extreme such as wanting photographic evidence of me making 'ass stains' in my underwear.

Everyone has a limit of what is 'Too far' for them, but should these fetish's really be named as 'Disgusting,' 'Unnatural' Or 'Shouldn't be practised.' Fair enough some fetish's can very adventurous, and very out of the ordinary. But these are people's preferences, and are the most part done in the privacy of their own homes.

However, the outrage mainly comes from where it is plastered over the internet. Sometimes poorly placed adverts are found on the internet, where it can crop up to users who aren't interested in that particular fetish. Though mainly, online it's in it's own private websites where people who are interested in it can come together, a bit like dating websites!

But just because we're not into some of the more adventurous things? Should they really be condemned like they are? I'm not a fan of anything that involves my ass, or what comes out of it, but if people are into that kind of thing it's their business. When talking about it, i'll politely say that I'm not into that sort of thing.... I think it would be great if more people did the same.

I think bad stigma that people attach to fetish's, it's a little unfair, not only are you criticising a part of someone's life, you also pressure other people into thinking they're wrong in enjoying that particular thing.
I'm not a big fetish girl, I'm not amazingly adventurous when it comes to this type of thing, but should we really judge people?

What really is wrong with someone practising a fetish in the privacy of their own home? Or signing up to a related website?
It's very much like criticising vegetarian's for not eating meat because it's 'Unnatural' as we were originally meat eaters as well....

However some fetish's are banned/illegal.... Which fetish's do you think are wrongly condemned?
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Are kids as innocent as they used to be?

As some of you may have read, there has been a little uproar about the educational videos from the BBC, that are questionable when it comes to how appropriate they are for their audience.
I read that an M.P. wanted 'cinema style' ratings on these videos... After thinking about this, I wonder to myself why there isn't already a rating for these educational videos, based on how explicit they are.
With these kind of video's being shown in schools, I feel it is important for parents to know what materials are being shown to their kids.
It's fair enough having kids bring home letters from school saying they plan to show a BBC educational video, 'Living and Growing' explaining how it teaches and explains what is going to happen with their bodies etc as they approach and go through puberty. Like many people seeing that it's a 'BBC Educational video' with such a simple and clean name, you'd trust it would be appropriate for the audience it's catering for. People trust the BBC, they have a trusted reputation.... Why would we think the BBC would be showing inappropriate things to our kids?

This video in question contains;
- an animated video of two cartoon characters making love and a computer-generated sequence showing a couple having sex, accompanied by a graphic explanation
-a child's voice over commenting on how they are 'Having fun'
- footage of a naked man and woman, used to demonstrate the differences between the sexes, 
-information about 'wet dreams' and masturbation, 
-graphic diagrams of genitalia.
-penetration
-explanations of sexual feelings
-same-sex relationships


I'm only 10 years older than the audience this video has been made for, and I remember the education video I was shown in year 6 (Age 10/11). I learnt about periods, erections, and pubic hair. (More than likely also about how sperm fertilises an egg and the woman becomes pregnant) But I really don't remember that, meaning the emphasis was on periods and erections, as these are the matters at around age 10.
I do believe some of the areas covered in this BBC video that wasn't covered in the video I watched at that age needed to be put in. Such as sexual feelings and masturbation. A lot of kids do start masturbating at age 10 and 11, without actually knowing what they are doing. They are just acting on these sexual feelings which to them are weird. The same with 'wet dreams' if it can begin to happen at that age, then give them the education, tell them what it is.

However, creating a cartoon video of a couple actually having sex. Is it really that appropriate? Having a child's voice over saying how they are 'Having fun'? Have the BBC there, either consciously or sub-consciously just encouraged kids to have sex? Think about it, at that age, when one of your friends says, 'Oh that ride over there is fun' You want to go on that ride. 'Ooooh, this video game looks fun' You want to play it. If one of your friends in the playground came up to you and said 'Having sex is fun' after learning that it is fun, you can't deny that you would be a little more interested in what it is, or whether you'd enjoy doing it too etc. Telling kids that having sex is or looks 'fun' is going to encourage at least some of them to go and do it. Bad mistake BBC.


At age 9/10, I remember knowing there was a thing called sex, I wasn't quite sure what it was, but when my friend told me you did it naked I was confused as to why I would ever do anything naked with a boy. A little more innocent than some of today's 10 year olds.
But we do need to accept that kids are learning these things at a younger age, this video has had a massive range of responses, from 'The kids now need to learn all of this stuff' to the argument of childhood innocence and 'why are they learning things I didn't till I was married?'. Childhood innocence is not the same as it used to be, I'm only 19 and I'm shocked by some of the stuff younger kids know, I didn't learn some of the stuff some 10 year olds know until I was 14. They need to be taught the truths of the stories that go around their playground. They need the education about some stuff no-one would of taught us at that age. Kids are way too curious, they want to know what they don't. Sex is everywhere nowadays, on tv, in music videos etc.

Personally, I think I'm bang in the middle about it, they need the education on what is going on, what happens etc. But leave them a little innocence here, there are still limits.
Bring back the cartoon diagrams of a penis and vagina, and tell them sex is for when you old and starting a family.
Not make out sex is some kind of game that is 'fun.' And you wonder why so many young kids get pregnant...

Dating Websites.

Everyone has an opinion on them, some people say they're a great way to meet new people online, some people say it's a place for desperate people to go because they can't find someone real.

I honestly don't think you can judge them unless you've tried it out for yourself.
I think they're great websites for getting to know people, making friends, and maybe meeting someone who you might want to start a relationship with.
I've gotten to know many people during my time on them and I've had some really amazing conversations and laughs with the people I've met.

Obviously it comes with it's risks, not being 100% sure of who you're talking to etc, but there are things you can do to make yourself a little bit safer.

Talk on webcam, for example MSN and Skype. Alot of the people who message me, ask if I have MSN or Skype, so they can actually see who I am. Although I never give it out (I also never use them anymore). It is a safe way of seeing for yourself who this person is.
Unfortunately you can never know 100% that the person is safe, but it's a great trust allowing someone to see your face and knowing who you are.
Also, don't rush when it comes to meeting this person, If someone is genuine and safe, they will happily wait a little while before meeting, and won't rush.

A lot of people have very successful relationships and friendships with people they've met online, and I really don't believe it is for 'desperate people' at all.
It's a great way to make a great first impression with someone who doesn't know you, and a fresh start away from any negativity that your reputation may have.
Everyone has had something false/bad gone round about them, especially if you live in a place where everyone knows everyone, gossip is one thing you can avoid online, and both parties can get to know each other for who they are. Without hassle.

Also, if you work away, for business, or in the forces etc. It's a great way to talk to people and to keep social. I've found a lot of the people I've met are in the armed forces, or are away a lot on business, who are just looking for someone to talk to and get to know. It means a lot to them to be able to do this while they're away.
Keeps people a little less lonely.

I know in a couple of my blogs I've spoken negatively about the behaviour that occurs on these sites, and I will continue to point things out, not to be negative towards the sites, but towards the behaviours, as a lot of what I see on these sites, actually relate to relationships offline too.
I recently received a comment which accused me of being negative about these sites, which isn't the case. As everywhere else in the world, you do come across some negative people. I do think Dating Websites are a great thing, when used appropriately. (Just wanted to point that out, and make myself clear)

They are a place where people who want the same thing, can come together and chat, build friendships etc. In a sense it's like their private place, although it is online, people who don't want the same thing (EG, People who don't want to find a friendship/relationship online) don't go to those website and are therefore uninvolved.
It doesn't bother or is in the face of people who are against them, it's all very in their own little place.

What do you think about Dating websites? Comment below
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Thanks for reading guys!

Patience my dear.

As many of you know, I've signed up to a couple of dating/etc websites, and during the last couple of months, I've been picking out things either in the conversations or in the behaviour of the people I've been talking to.
One of the things that aggravates me is the lack of patience some people have when it comes to people replying to them...

How long should we wait if someone hasn't replied to us? And how should we react if someone doesn't reply to us? If we should react at all?
Especially when we're talking to people online, it's perfectly possible that person has left their laptop or whatever for a few minutes to go and do something.
I find this type of thing especially rude when you're on sites where you inbox people rather than talk on instant chat, because you can't always tell if someone is still online or not.
So what reasoning do people have to be rude towards someone in this situation?

I have received a number of rude messages off people when I've not replied in a quick amount of time, EG;

'WHY THE F**K YOU EVEN ON THIS SITE IF YOU'RE NOT GOING TO REPLY TO PEOPLE'

'OMG well if you're just going to stop talking then at least tell me why!!!!!!!'

You have to admit it does make you look like a bit of a tool tbh! Should we really behave this way to people we don't know? Or to anyone in fact?

Another thing that can be shown through the impatience of people is desperation..
EG;
'Oh im sorry, have i said something to offend you? im sorry' (35mins ago)
'Are you still there? Im sorry, i really want to talk to you' (31mins ago)
'Ok, i'll assume you dont want to talk to me, :( :( :( plz '(26mins ago)

^^ Not the worst example I could show, but you get the idea.
One thing you need to remember when you're talking to people either online or over text etc, you don't always get an instant reply like you do when talking to someone face to face, so if someone doesn't reply straight away, chill out. If people are going to reply to you, then they will. If they don't want to, don't humiliate yourself by hassling people and making yourself seem possessive/angry or desperate

And most importantly, don't ruin your chances of meeting someone lovely by doing this! It's a big mistake people make.
These are your first impressions you're making towards people, you need to make sure it's a good one!

Comment below with your opinions/stories
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Chances that are worth giving....

Another reason people get into the wrong relationships is that they give their trust to the wrong people.
People who have a reputation of messing people around/sleeping around/acting like tools etc. You know the people. And as people get to know and grow to like these people, despite knowing their reputation, still give them the benefit of the doubt.
Don't get me wrong, I'm the number one fan of giving people chances and the benefit of the doubt when you haven't known them during their past. But you should always keep your guard up with people like this.

People claim all the time that they have changed etc, and some people do, and everything is lovely. Unfortunately there are people who thrust that line on people to get them where they want to be, and to discard the 'rumours' and 'warnings' other people throw around.

I would never tell anyone in these situations to not give them the chance at all, but with people who have a dodgy reputation, it would be stupid to let yourself fall in too deeply. Understandable right?

But what really gets on my tits is that when people meet someone, and hear of these reputations they have from friends, and even people they don't know, and just discard them completely. Fair enough you want to give this person a chance, but you really have to tread carefully, because if you do discard these rumours and warnings that your friends are giving- honestly just to look out for you. And then these true colours show and you get hurt, and start crying to your friends, you really are going to look like a prize idiot.

However if you are take into account what your friends are warning you against and tread carefully- yet unfortunately still get hurt, you don't look so much like a fool.
It's in a lot of our nature to give people a chance and want things to work out, there's nothing wrong with that.
But one thing you need to remember is that you need to be realistic in what could happen.

Look at the person you're starting see, and look at his reputation, the chances are it came from somewhere, and if it's in the past, and he claims he's changed, then it's up to you whether you give this person the chance or not.
You can't always be right about the people you start your relationships with, but you do need to be realistic about the chances of this person hurting you.
Too many people are too trusting, or too delusional about the people they like. You need to keep a sensible head on it, and good luck in your relationships!

Settling

Most of us make the wrong decisions in choosing partners, without even knowing it. We all take risks, and they don't always work out. I'm going to be covering the different relationships choices we make, when it comes to choosing partners in the next few posts...

Have you ever felt you've settled for second best, or the 'safe option'? When you couldn't have the person you loved, or if you've been messed around by someone else, you found a person who would offer you everything the other person wouldn't?

A few of us have done this, believing that we do like that person, and to be honest we do like them. But what do we like... the person? Or what they're offering us?

Is it love and a relationship we're craving? Something safe we can rely on? Everyone wants different things, and it's not always the person we want to offering them. And we do become confused.

Sometimes this works out, and sometimes it doesn't. We can learn to love that person like we loved others in time, or we just get frustrated in our relationships and hurt the other person, either by leaving, or another way.

The only advice I could give to anyone going through this is, give yourself time to work out what you really want. If you know you don't lust for this person as much as you did for someone else, a crush or an ex, then maybe you need to give yourself some space to figure out if this is what you're going through and what you want in the long run.

No one deserves to settle.

Do you want this person? Or do you want what they're offering you? It's something we all need to realise and work out for ourselves. Unfortunately many of us decide this when it's too late. We all need to realise the signs from the beginning, and the only and obvious one, is how much we lust over them.

Only then can you work out whether you feel it's possible that a real relationship can grow from this.

Are you confused in your relationship? Or have an opinion on this? Or have something to say about anything in particular? Either comment below, comment on facebook or twitter (Links above)
Tweet at @Rebbie_shane
Or email me at Shaneyxcakes@gmail.com

Hope this helps guys!

Are Adults safe on the internet?

Adults talk about how the internet isn't a safe place for children and teenagers, after hearing news reports/ stories with horror stories of kids who have met people on the internet and been murdered/sexually assaulted etc.. all very extreme stories. And we do well to warn people of the danger.

 It is something that plagues the mind of parents as their children being to talk to strangers in chat rooms/message boards and other websites, but are they practising what they preach or are they being just as unsafe as anyone else? So I did a little experiment to find out...

I signed up to f-buddy.co.uk for two days, which is a website for adults to meet online, and have sexual encounters with, whether it's just emails, phone calls, or meeting up in person and having a fling. Straight away I received messages from multiple people giving me their contact details and where they lived etc... Which got me to thinking, how many people on this website are willing to meet up with a person without knowing them?

I posed as a 21 year old girl called Charlotte using a fake picture and information, then, I posted a status on the website, which is viewable by males who had joined saying. 'Who wants to be a part of an experiment? message me?' To which I received 232 responses from people, all of different ages from 18 upwards, below is a graph of how many people replied from each age bracket.

Each of these people gave either one of 3 responses. They either;
Said yes straight away, and gave contact details (Phone numbers etc)
Said yes, while asking for details
Or just asked for details before agreeing.

Below is a graph showing the numbers between the different responses from the people who did respond.

The blue slice shows the amount of people who asked before agreeing, which in the situation is the safest option. However, my reply to everyone who did respond to me was
'Hi, thanks for getting back to me, before I send out any details about the experiment, can I just ask one question? Would you be willing to meet me in person?'
To which everyone replied 'Yes'
While giving out contact details, even addresses (Which I have deleted)

So what I'm trying to say is, through the power of sending two messages to complete strangers, 232 people agreed to meet me in person off the internet.
Considering how easy it was to fake a profile, lying about my appearance, name, age, location etc. People have been known to be murdered/sexually assaulted by people they meet off the internet, so 232 adults had put themselves at risk by agreeing to see me personally.

Luckily i'm a nice person! And wouldn't assault any of these people if I had met them.
So if you do decide to meet up with anyone on the internet, be VERY careful. You can never know for sure that the complete stranger you're talking to is safe. I hope this experiment opens your eyes just a little bit.


*I understand this experiment was open only to males, I am currently looking for a similar site that is free for men to join to conduct the same experiment on females, as I'm sure I would get a different response,
Females are much more cautious than men when it comes to this type of thing, however some females do also fall into the same trap.
I didn't feel comfortable giving the website my bank details, also being a student, I am rather quite skint atm!*
Also I apologise for the small font on the graphs, it was the largest I could make it! :(

New Year, New goals...

How many of you believe in new year resolutions? Personally I don't, whenever I did have one, I kept it up for about 2 weeks... Does anyone keep their new years resolutions?

Just a thought to start the new year, What are your new years resolutions, and are you intending to keep them up for the full year?

As some of you may know, I conducted an experiment last week, I've been posing online as a girl named Charlotte on a few dating and 'other adult' websites, and within a few minutes I was asking them to meet me...
the response I got was amazing.

Especially considering the importance of internet safety and lectures about meeting people they only know online they throw upon kids, it was interesting to see how much they kept to that themselves....

Anyway, welcome to 2012  Here's a picture of a duck :D