Rebbie's Dating Adventure... Part 3

So many messages from people asking why I hadn't updated any of you on what was going on in my OkCupid world... That's because nothing much had really been happening... except what I'm about to talk about towards the end...
I did the thing I knew I would do, and that is, struggle to find the time to answer to everyone's messages.. (I started to feel bad when I didn't reply)...
So I started slacking...
The annoying thing with OkCupid is that the site tells people on your profile how often you reply to your messages... so I'm one of these people now who reply 'Selectively' or even 'Very selectively' and if I'm honest, that makes me feel like a bitch. haha. If I could reply to all the messages all the time, I would. I love talking to people, however unfortunately.... I cant!! :(.

I was sat with my housemate, (Also on OkCupid... in fact,  all 3 of my housemates are on there!) and on the quickmatch (Where rate randomly generated profiles) I got all 3 of them on my quick match within a few minutes! It was interesting to see their profiles, especially seen as two of them are together.

Although now, I have registered as an 'A-list' member, which means I get a few extra special magic powers on the site, such as, I can browse peoples profiles without them knowing I did... Finally, that was the one thing about the site that I hated...

And I can finally see, who said they liked me.... so if I find someone on that list that I find interesting... I already know they kinda atleast think the same about me. So yay!.

However there was one guy I was talking to, seemed normal, looked normal, weirdly looked very much like someone I had a fling with once... and I'm not saying he wasn't normal, he was. He just totally didn't look like the type of guy who would be into the stuff he was... He just looked like your average kid, very generic, (my old friend who he looked like was an absolute pussy, so I kinda assumed he would be a little softy too) so we were talking for a fair few weeks... he found my blog and asked my opinion on certain things like escorting etc... then obviously, escorting moved on to sexual desire and then he told me he was into really hardcore domination, and I froze. I'm not someone who likes to talk about their sexual desires, especially over the internet with someone I don't know... So I had spent the whole conversation being like 'erm.. I don't know, you?' Then he just threw me out of the water with this one. I was like daaaamn boy!
It kinda reminded me, not to judge a book by it's cover... everyone has their little kinks, and some people's can be VERY surprising!

One tip for those of you on dating websites etc. This may be a very obvious thing to watch out for, but if someone is straight away saying that 'oh your photo makes me want to do naughty things' 3 guesses what they're all about. I had someone do this to me yesterday. Though his username was something along the lines of 'thepartyanimal' so you really can't be surprised. And the same applies if they ask for your number straight away.
Why would I give my number to some stranger on the internet? That has only sent me 2 messages? Stay safe on the internet kids ! :)

Remember you can always get in touch via
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or email me at :RebbieShaneOfficial@gmail.com

Do we need to have it all to be happy?

What does it take to make a person happy? Are we ever truly happy? One thing I have learnt over the past couple of years is that, there isn't one sole thing that can make any of us happy.

Money can't buy you happiness
A career doesn't give you emotional support
And love doesn't make you feel like you've accomplished anything.

If one of those three things are missing, we become unhappy. We either; Feel alone without love, Feel like we're wasting our lives or we're stressed and angry because we can't pay the bills. To be truly happy do we need to have it all?

A year ago I made the decision to end a relationship because drama connected to home and people around my partner were affecting my grades at university. (If my mum's reading this, she'll be well proud I picked uni over a boy!) But I often think about him, as well as an old friend who made the opposite decision a few months earlier than I made mine. And I wonder how her life is, and how happy she is. I really hope she is happy. But with every big decision you make, you always wonder, what if?

I now have my degree, but I'm living in a city where I have barely any friends, and I'm very much alone here. And as a lot of my friends back home know, I'm finding it rather difficult. So I often wonder if I had been happier making a different decision? My degree will never compensate from having the love of my friends and family around me, but I know if I had made a different decision, I would always regret not finishing my degree, and it would have been the biggest mistake I made.

So, do we really need to have everything to be happy? And sometimes, no matter what we do, can we just not win? Surely not everyone can have it all...

How do you know if it's just sex?

When we start a sexual relationship with someone, one of the quickest misunderstandings we come to is the other person's intentions towards you. You learn pretty quickly in life, that a lot of the people, quite a lot of the time are just looking for something casual. I  get emailed a lot by people explaining their situations and asking whether it sounds like they're just after sex/something casual or a relationship.... so here are a few points to consider, which I believe are the most obvious ways of knowing that you're in a casual/just sex based relationship.

1) You never leave the bedroom: One of the obvious ones. If you guys are always in the bedroom... and I don't mean you go screwing outside, that really doesn't count. If your relationship is just in bed, no drinks, no movies, no nights out. You're 'relationship' isn't going anywhere...

2) You don't talk about future plans: A little similar to number one, but if you don't even make plans to go out and do anything else, then this person isn't interesting in anything emotional. If you say 'we should go see a film this week' and the next time you meet up... it's in your bedroom or his. You're stuck in a non-relationship.

3) They aren't telling their friends: If no one really knows apart from your friends that you're screwing this person... yeah, they aren't that bothered.

4) They act different towards you in public: I don't mean that they're not overly affectionate, because some people just aren't like that in public. But if they don't hold your hand, or only hold your hand down the quieter streets. Also if they change the way they speak to you, if they aren't so familiar with you in their conversation or tone, they're trying not to arouse any suspicion. 

5) Their text frequency: Everyone knows when you're into someone, you text them more than you would anyone else. If they only reply to say... half your conversation starters or you only have short conversations. They aren't that bothered. If you find yourself finding a reason to text them, in order for them to text you back a lot of the time... then you've been suckered.

There are so many more reasons as to how you can figure out if the person you're dating is in fact dating or not dating you too. But these in my opinion are the biggest and most obvious. If you have any questions, or anything, as always feel free to contact me either by:

Emailing me at: RebbieShaneOfficial@gmail.com
Liking us on Facebook: Rebbie-Shane
Following us on Twitter: @Rebbie_Shane

Make peace, and watch the world go round.

Everyone's lives are always moving in one direction or another, but there comes a time, or maybe a few times where we just feel ourselves pause and the world suddenly looks very different.

This usually happens at a time of some kind of shock or trauma, at the death of a close one, or some horrible news like an illness, and we feel alone. Even though everyone is around us and there for us, we are the only person paused in that moment, and we watch everyone's lives carry on without us.

It makes you appreciate and realise a lot of things you would normally dismiss. I've hit the pause button quite a lot recently and I see that things aren't as pretty as I thought.

People come and go from your life all the time, some stay for a brief moment, others can be around for years. It's funny, some people can make such a huge impact on you during their brief moment, but we don't even notice some of the ones that have been around for years. Relationships change, new ones are made and one relationship can distance another, especially when it comes to romantic relationships and friendships. But during these times when we're paused in our own world. Things become clear, and things that we thought were clear turn out to be a lot more complicated than we thought.

In my world, I feel like a lone soldier stood on a hill, looking down at battlefield full of different wars. I see friends fighting in their relationships, and I see people totally focused on working on their careers to the point where anything outside that career is unimportant to them. It's then that I realised, I am only a small part of everyone else's life, if I died tomorrow, people would stop for that moment and remember me, but before long people's lives will start to run normally again, and I'd begin to be forgotten... Maybe never totally, but I wouldn't be a first thought. Not that I want everyone's attention, but at the end of the day, once someone has gone, that's one thing in your life you just can't change. You can't change a relationship with someone who's no longer there, so why do we waste our time fighting with people we love when we don't need to? Sure we all laugh about those fights afterwards, but what if we couldn't?

I have an ex-boyfriend where the relationship (like most people's) caused me a fair amount hurt at one.. or several points in the relationship. It wasn't easy, but after months of anger, hurt, upset... maybe even a little bit of crazy... I didn't get the point in fighting, and we're in a good place. He's not the biggest part of my life, but every time I visit my hometown, me and James hang out, eat pub food and laugh. I'm not saying everyone should be chummy with their ex or people that have wronged us, but if anything happened, I can honestly say I pretty much have no regrets and I'd remember him for all the good things, in fact I barely think about the bad....

If someone once touched your life in a positive way, that's how you should remember them. Don't remember them for their mistakes or their negativity. If anything just use it as a life lesson, and put comfort in the positive memories. None of us want to be remembered for our mistakes or bad deeds, so we should we look at someone else for theirs? Peace is a powerful thing, someone doesn't have to still be a part of your life to make an impact. An old friend of mine passed away around Christmas time, and even though both our lives had moved on from each others and we'd both gone to different uni's and I hadn't actually seen him for 2 years. I realised I didn't always appreciate him fully for what he was. He was the most genuine, caring person along with so many other wonderful traits.

You don't have to continue a relationship with someone, but it's amazing how much comfort you find in just making peace in a situation, even if you then never speak to them again. People forget how powerful that moment is when look at someone and just let go, you find a lot of honesty in those moments, and a lot of the time, there's a lot of love. Whether it's between friends, old lovers, relatives... you never really move on without closure. Next time you see someone you haven't seen in a really long time and you still get that negative feeling, ask yourself why and make peace with it. Because no one looks beautiful bitter.

Can you give love a second chance?

Do you believe in giving love a second chance? I often wonder if all that stuff about things not being in the right time are true or not.

Is it possible for love to be put on hold, and pick it back up a couple of years later?

Is it possible to meet someone earlier than you're meant to?

There are always so many questions around failed relationships, you always find yourself thinking, 'what if...'

The saying 'An ex is an ex for a reason' is always said with such negativity, but should that always be the case? Just because someone is an ex, doesn't mean you can't pick up and relationship and start again with them, and be happy. Surely there are loads of couples out there who have broken up, spent time apart, maybe even seen other people in-between and then gotten back together.

Not every relationship ends over bad events, sure there is hurt, anger etc from atleast one side during most breakups, but that doesn't mean there was anything shady going on. Sometimes relationships just aren't right or working for a certain reason.

But people are always afraid of getting hurt again. Just because someone got hurt once, doesn't necessarily mean they're going to get hurt again... does it? Surely if it hurt that much, it's obviously something that is worth all of it, otherwise, why would it hurt so much?

Every relationship is different, and no one can tell you what to do. No matter how much they try. I've known a lot of situations that have included very cautious and protective friends, and it doesn't help. If anything, if you get in the way of two people who want to be together, being together. You're only going to cause more hurt.

Sometimes asking 'what if' isn't enough.

And sometimes even a past relationship that's failed once before, is worth giving that second chance. The more it hurt, the more genuine your love was for them, no matter how long it takes you to realise.

The first month.

So in a few days, I'll have been on the dating site for a month now, and so far, I'm really enjoying it. I've managed to meet some awesome people and make some new friends! (Which, considering I know no one in Chester, It definitely became a bit of a sanity saver!)

I love that the site is free to use, though for some extra's you have to pay. Such as, being able to browse on people's profiles invisibly. The site tells you when someone views your profile and who it is, which I hate. Because now whenever someone views my profile and doesn't message me, I'm like 'Hey! What's wrong with me?!' ;) Haha, I'm joking but for people who get a lot of views and very little messages, it could be a bit disheartening! I feel bad viewing someones profile, especially someone's who has messaged me and not messaging back... I've found myself messaging them back so I don't feel guilty!
Because, if you message someone, they view your profile and don't message you back, you know you've just been full blown rejected... at least if you don't see them viewing your profile, you can at least pretend they've just come online and read your message.... 3 weeks... 4 weeks later!

This one is a flaw in me rather than the site, but for the first few days when it was all awesome and exciting and I was finally socialising with people in the outside world, I was replying to all my messages and checking up on all my notifications. But I do this thing that I do with all these kind of sites, I get tired of my phone blowing up with notifications and having the same, small talk conversations of 'hi, how are you?' and then going into what you're doing with yourself nowadays. I got a bit sick of telling my life story over and over again. So I kept saying to myself that I'll check them later... before I knew it, it was a week later. Rubbish Rebbie! From my previous research into similar sites, I do know that new profiles do get put on display to other users more, so they get more messages and therefore continue using the site, which is a great method... But I, personally get a little bored with constant notifications and I do have a habit of neglecting my account. :(.

The thing I love most about the site, is definitely the people on it. I love reading the profiles of other users and seeing little quirks in their personality, and the messages that I've received where people have noticed things on my profile.
Two of the most popular point on my profile have to be these;

My love for dominoes is unreal, you get me a chicken pizza with a BBQ stuffed crust, I will be yours for life.

So many people laughed at me for this, and so many people actually remembered the advert, but I didn't know what it was. But after about 3 weeks of searching.... I found it!

Mushy Pea Advert << You tell me that isn't emotionally destroying. I just can't eat pea's anymore...

I'm still looking for the fork advert though!

I'm sorry there isn't much juicy gossip to spill during my first month. I'm saving the juicy-ness for my next post!
Oh and if you find the advert, link it to me via, Email, Facebook, or Twitter

Rebbie's dating site adventure...the first night.

Ok, so the curiosity got the better of me, and I signed up to a dating site... This post is pretty much going to be a running commentary of my thoughts while signing up... :)

The personality of OkCupid is amazing... The username Rebbie was taken... but look at their suggestions!

I almost went with 'Rebbie-o-matic' the sex machine, but... Ok, I totally regret with going for Rebbieinabox now. Rebbieasaurus would of been a good one, but I thought it was a little too scene kid...

But moving on to some of my details... I forget quite often I was born under the unfortunately named star sign... 

I decided to leave the second half of that question blank....

You have to be pretty kinky to answer with 'not possible' right? I couldn't imagine someone just sitting there like, yup, Noone can out-kink me! haha. You must have a filthy mind...

But to me, these questions are just getting better.....

'Depends on which race...' I can just imagine someone leant back in their computer chair, going through all the different types of race, checklisting in their head... I'm not sure if you guys are finding this as funny as I am...
So I thought it was time to check out some of the matches OkCupid found for me...
Putting my orientation as Bi-sexual, it came up with a couple of girls, and I found this little gem on a local girls profile...

She could of said ANYTHING else in the world, literally ANYTHING. is it just me, or is that the kind of thing people should be putting on their profiles... I suppose it is a dating site... you should get to know these things about a person...

Anyway, after 3 hours of trying to fix my profile etc. I'm tired... and seen as it's nearly 4am. I suppose I should get to sleep. But I want to hear your stories/experiences of dating websites, or even just share your opinion.

Join the discussion on Facebook, or Twitter or feel free to email me here :)
And we shall see in the morning, what lies in store for me online...

Webcam performers and our relationships

It's been a while since I've posted one of my sex related blogs, and I've had a few messages requesting for their return... (you massive perverts! haha.)

So my topic today is all about webcam performers, and whether we should kick up a fuss over finding our partners viewing their material...

As with everything at the end of the day, it all comes down to a matter of opinion, and the truth is, a lot of women think that webcam performers are 'sluts' and 'cheap'. Where with guys, it's a middle split, a lot more males feel slightly more positive towards the idea of webcam performers, especially female and couple performers! ....This is probably because they're the main audience for these type of shows! Though society today is becoming a lot more open when it comes to sex and sexuality. So... Should we accept webcam performers, or not?

I've had this conversation with many people, both males and females and I get asked whether it's acceptable to watch webcam performers/go to strip clubs etc, when they're in a relationship and their partner's at home.

A lot of people make the mistake of putting webcam performers in the same league as other sex workers, such as escorts and prostitutes, as in thinking they're just as morally wrong. This is not the case in the slightest, obviously for the main reason of, there's an actual physical experience between someone and a escort/prostitute, and it's actually classed as cheating! =p.

If you caught your partner watching a webcam performer, would you be annoyed? Is there a reason to be annoyed?
I've been asked this question a lot, at the end of the day, it does come down to whether it upsets you or not. Personally, I may be a little wounded by it, but at the end of the day, it's just a fantasy. If your partner is sat at the computer wanking over some randomer on the internet, who he doesn't have a relationship with outside of that, are they really doing anything wrong? It's just like them masturbating over a celebrity....

Obviously except for the fact our partner's are paying for them....

A lot of the girls do it for an income, that isn't to say they don't enjoy it... who doesn't enjoy masturbating! But that girl isn't going to be in love with my partner, that girl isn't going to take my partner away from me. All she's going to get from my partner, is a few quid over a wank on webcam... None of us like to think of our partners getting off sexually over other people. But at the end of the day, they're sat at home jacking off, not cheating on you and sticking it in a prostitute...

In my opinion, what's wrong with a little fantasy? But everyone is different, some people would be upset by it, and one thing about being in a relationship is that you have to know each others limits, what lines you can cross etc, like you do with things like banter. It's the same with things like this, if you know your partner would be upset if they found you in that situation, then you should probably steer away from that situation out of respect for your partner.
If you're unsure about the situation, and are curious to your partners opinion, you can bring up the topic without giving the game away. Talk about a stag/hen party-->>Strippers -->> other forms of sexual entertainment, or if you're online, mention a pop up about webcamming, (there's bloody enough of them!).

Or, to avoid all the hassle, hide in your cave and fap to your hearts content... =P

As always feel free to email me with any questions, comments, or advice, here: RebbieShaneOfficial@gmail.com
Follow me on Twitter and Facebook

A little update on me.

I get asked a lot to do a blog every now and again about myself and to update people on what's going on in my life, with finishing University, I've not had a lot of time to put into my blogs and my posts. I know I keep saying I'll have time to dedicate to my blog, but this time, I actually really will. I'll make sure my new housemates will stop me from slacking!!

So.. I'm graduating university with a 2:2, which I'm pretty proud of, I could of done better, but... University life distracted me... ;) haha. I celebrated my 21st birthday on Thursday (June 27th). I went to New York with my Mum for the week and we had an amazing time. Look at this view, who wouldn't want to stand on the top of New York on their birthday? =D

The last few months have been a massive change for me, leaving the lovely town of Aberystwyth, and my amazing housemates, in our big party house! I love you all very dearly and I wish you guys all the best, and I will come and see you all regularly, I promise!! I'm moving towns, back to England! With my best friend of 9 years Kim, her boyfriend and my friend Joe! I'll let you know how I settle in when I go next week!
I'm shitting myself for graduation, I have no idea why, I don't like the idea of getting up on a stage (Yes, my degree was in Drama and Theatre haha). I'd just rather have it sent to me in the post, but mother wants to see me graduate, so I suppose I have to go! haha.

The question pretty much everyone has asked me, and it's the juicy one. My love life....

What love life? Haha. There is absolutely no male interest in my life right now, fuck boys, my job is listening to people bitching about their relationships, and you guys have put me off =P haha. I'm only teasing! I'm just really happy with my life, and exploring new things, trying to figure out exactly what I want to do with my life. I'm not actively looking for anyone, but you know, the flow can be good, so I'm just going with it.
A lot of you ask me, what kind of guys I go for, I've collected the questions, so I'm going to answer! :).

Question time!

Looks or personality?

To an extent, both. But I'm definitely more of a personality type of girl, (just look at some of my ex boyfriends, and you'll understand why!) Haha, but it's always a personality that hooks me.

Do you like guys with big muscles?

NOOOO! haha. A little bit of muscle is fine, actually, a little more than fine, but nothing is more unattractive to me than someone who's more muscle than anything else. It just doesn't work for me. The guys I think look best? The ones that have a little bit of muscle but have a squish! It makes it all the better to cuddle with.

Would you rather sit and eat junk or go out for run?

Come on guys! I'm 5'3" and a size UK 12/14, I love the food. I'm not the type of girl who checks her weight, eats nothing but salad and works out. I love a cosy night in, with a Domino's pizza. I have a nice big butt that's firm and made of pizza.

What's the most important trait to you in a partner?

Definitely a sense of humour, and a love for banter. I'm not overly harsh with my banter, but I couldn't have a relationship with someone who couldn't take it. It's my way of saying, 'Hey man, I kinda like you!'

What's the most important thing you look for in life?

Happiness. I don't really ask for anything more than to be happy. I don't need lots of money, and I am pretty ambitious, but having a successful career isn't the most important thing to me. All I want is to have my friends and loved ones around me, and just live life. As long as I can get by, and everyone around me is happy and safe. What more could you ask for?

Would you like to get married and have kids?

Both of them, the same answer, definitely. I love the idea of marriage and what it represents. I'm not looking to get married any time soon or to start popping out kids, but a while down the line, to be able to have that, I think would be really amazing. I am a very people orientated person, I cherish every single person in my life, I always have done, even if I don't always show it.

You seem like a girl who can get a little feisty.. are you?

Depends who you are and what you've done haha. I am a really passionate person so the feist is in there! I can be the most loving and caring, calm person you'll meet, but my tongue can get a little sharp if you've pissed me off. haha.

What kind of girlfriend are you like?

I think most people change with every relationship, we learn a lot of our flaws from relationships, and we pick up other peoples, and what not to do. Like most teenagers, when you like someone it's really intense, and you act like a loon. I know I did. But now, I'm actually on the whole, a really relaxed person in relationships. But like all girls, we get an insecure moment every now and again, I always keep mine to myself, but it still stresses me out here and there!

Do you have your eye on anyone now?

Nope, the odd celebrity crush, and the odd friend who I think is actually pretty good looking, but nothing further than that! :)

Keep sending in your questions guys! Or if you have any post suggestions, or advice questions.
RebbieShaneOfficial@gmail.com
Get in touch on Facebook, or Twitter (@Rebbie_Shane)

We are awesome, but yet really crazy people!

'I'm awesome at giving people relationship advice, but I suck at my own relationships...' 

This is something I've seen a lot on my Facebook recently, and we all know it's different to tackle a situation when it's yours to tackle. Especially when it comes down to relationships and friendships, we're so emotionally involved in the situation we make desperate attempts to try and fix them, and a lot of them are usually little things that we've just over thought.

I'm doing it at the moment. I'm moving away from Aberystwyth a week today, and I'm texting all my friends and getting frustrated with them because most of them aren't getting back to me about making plans with them. And I'm starting to feel like a bit of a crazy person. They'll only complain if I don't have time to meet them later on in the week ;). It's a bit mental isn't it, how we can suddenly switch into crazy people and start acting stupid. We feel quite embarrassed afterwards, but at the end of the day, we're only doing it because we care. If we didn't care, our relationships with friends etc, would never work out.

As much as we need to learn not to let ourselves get so worked up by these little things and act in that crazy way, I know a lot of people on that receiving end do sometimes need reminding that when someone has a crazy moment, it's not because they are crazy, they're just feeling a little insecure.

I wouldn't give a shit usually if my friends weren't making plans with me, but it's not as if I'll still be here next week! =p. Total hint there guys!

Young relationships are the worst for this, with hormones flying everywhere, it's so easy for us when we're younger to get worked up, and get over emotional about things. A lot of us, I know look back at our 14/15 year old selves and think, 'How fucking stupid were we?!'  It's perfectly normal. But we learn from all these mistakes, and as we get older, we tend to calm down... if only a little! But helping out a friend in their situation is a lot easier than helping yourself out of a situation.

If you take my example from earlier, I know a lot of us get a little too worked up by a lack of communication, and what do we say to friends that are moaning about someone not calling/texting them back...? 'It's ok, they'll get back to you when they can.' It's so fucking easy when you're not the one waiting to hear from them, where as what's going through your mind when it's you in that situation...?

Stupid things like, 'Oh, but what if they don't text, and I don't text, and.. there's nothing...' oh, and the best female line of; cue moaning voice; 'What if he's going offff meeeee?' Too many people I know talk like that, and it's the most stupid and the most annoying thing in the world.

Want to hear the one I've been saying the past couple of days??

'But if I don't see them, I might never see them again.' I'm saying, Fuck off Rebbie, you're a nobhead. (Yes, to myself). 

The best thing to do when you're feeling insecure and panicky is to distract yourself, grab your friend that pulls you back down to earth and go out and do something. The worst thing you can do is sit alone and think about it... (I've just realised I'm sat alone, on my bed, writing this blogpost... awkward!). Because you'll just over think and think it's a bigger deal than it actually is :).

Should you listen to reputations?

Everyone has a reputation of some kind, good or bad. But do we judge people too quickly from what we hear from other people? 

Just because someone claims someone is a certain thing, doesn't necessarily mean it's true. Reputations aren't always accurate. I've known plenty of people whose reputation gets carved over one person's lie, that's spread around the town. Though more often than not, there are some truths behind a reputation. As the saying goes, there's no smoke without fire.

People's relationships can be heavily affected by a reputation, whether it's a friendship or a romantic relationship, as someone's reputation could doubt someone into thinking whether or not they can trust the other person. To be honest, pretty much the only real way you have to find out, is by your own personal experience, or you've seen first hand the behaviour that's sparked it all off. If you don't personally know, you don't have a right to judge, though it doesn't mean you can't take what you've heard into account and be cautious. But to judge someone you don't know completely on hear'say is never fair.

They say there's no smoke without fire, and quite often someone's reputation has some kind of truth behind it, but does that define them as a person?
For example, one of the most common reputations that tends to stir trouble is when people are known to have slept around/be a slag. Where it's true that some people live up to that reputation, it's not the case for everyone, some people have gone through a small phase where they have slept with multiple people in a short space of time, but it was nothing more than a phase, and it's now past. Though the label has stuck with them. Doesn't mean they still sleep around though. Everyone has a past, and everyone's done shitty things that unfortunately people don't forget about.
With me, people haven't forgotten the fact I've cheated in relationships, yet that doesn't mean for a second that I'd do it again, and it doesn't mean that I can't be trusted in a relationship with someone else.

I get a lot of advice emails asking whether they should pursue something with someone who has a reputation, and I always say the same thing. Be a little cautious, and don't be afraid to ask about it if it's playing on your mind. It might not always be the most comfortable conversation. But if the other person is honest, and genuinely respects you as a person, they'll give their side, and it's up to you what you believe.

We tend to judge too easily, and put our defenses up too quickly, and to be honest we have good reason to, the last thing we ever want to do is get hurt. But what exactly do you achieve by not giving anyone/anything a chance? Life is full of taking risks, and especially when it comes to the people in our lives. If something has the chance to be awesome, then take it.

Still Breaking?

A lot of the advice I get asked for is how to deal with breakups and how to get over someone, everyone has their own way of getting over someone. How do I get over someone? I spend all my  time with my favourite people, and the people who make me laugh the most. To me, laughter is the best medicine for anything. When I'm alone, I watch comedy films and TV. It's unbelievable how much it does take your mind off things, or at least calm you down when you're feeling emotional.

The thing I hear the most when I'm talking to people who have just broken up is, that when they see each other the 'chemistry' is still there, and they go on about how happy they are with them, but 2 minutes earlier they were telling me how upset and angry their partner made them feel, and usually you just want to shake the person, and be like, can you hear yourself?! But everyone goes through the same thing at some point in their lives.

Sometimes break-ups/breaks do make you realise how much you do love that person, and how much you didn't appreciate them, or how you should of appreciated them more. Mostly, we just forget the reason why we broke up with them, and we start to see that person in this wonderful light, oh the curse of rose tinted glasses! That's one phrase that's been thrown at me many times by my friend Hannah recently!

We too easily forget why we've broken up with them, and how we felt, the initial break-up hurts more than the relationship did, so we think we're better off in it. I'm sorry to break it to you all, but you have to work for your happiness in this world. If you're not happy in that relationship, you have to fight through the pain, to achieve any gain! Is that pain in the relationship really worth going back to, when the relationship is good, it's great and it makes you feel amazing... but it doesn't mean for you to feel that you have to go through all the shit that makes you unhappy. Every relationship has shitty stages, but if you're often upset in your relationship, can you honestly say you're truly happy?

Some people have the complete opposite problem, some people, break up over something that they really shouldn't of done, and still want to be with each other, but are too stubborn to open up, because they're terrified of getting hurt. What's even more crazy is that they know both of them feel the same way. Just bloody go for it, swallow your fear, and do a special gesture. Otherwise... if you both keep shut, you won't ever get around to fixing anything.

Breakups are a weird time, they can be the most confusing times, or they can just clarify everything. Sometimes, it's an instant reaction, where some people don't feel it months down the line. Either way, usually,  you shouldn't listen to the first emotion you feel...

It's kinda hard to live without regrets...

Everyone says you shouldn't regret anything, regrets only cause you to be upset and quite often live in the past. Which to be fair is very true, but if there's nothing in life that we regret, what do we really learn from our mistakes?
All the biggest and most important social lessons I've learnt so far come from situations and decisions that have made me cringe like hell looking back on them. The things we tend not to regret are the things we get away with or we don't care too much about, so we end up making the same silly mistakes again.

Regret is a powerful thing, and as much people encourage you not to live your life with regrets, I think they are necessary to us, when it comes to learning life lessons. The trick is, not to allow them to make you think in the past, and of 'what could of been.' But to use them to fuel you to either fix the situation, or to avoid putting yourself in that situation again.

This is something I'm only learning properly now, I've spend the past few months with my head and my dreams back in last year, it's not healthy for you mentally or emotionally. All I know is that I have to take my regrets and try and use them positively, and maybe in the future I'll see it more of a learning curve than a mistake or a regret... and I'll be a little happier! :)

Sometimes when we're stuck in the middle of what to do in a situation, our heart tells us to do one thing, and our head tells us to do the complete opposite. Usually the decision your heart is telling you to do equals risking looking like a giant buffoon, or as silly as the speedo guy at my swimming centre. But at the same time, if you don't make that decision and follow your heart, you know you'll regret not trying. So what are you to do?
Some people say, if you want it enough, nothing will stop you reaching for it, and some say, if you want it enough, the thought of not achieving it or in situations of love and relationships being rejected is enough to scare you out of being honest.
At the end of the day, if you go with your head, there's always going to be some hurt with 'what could of been' but at least if you go with your heart, you actually have the chance of being completely happy. You just have to work out for yourself whether you're happy to risk it.

Hold your passions

High emotions are what gets our passion going, whether it's in lust, rage or something else. Lust and Rage are the two heightened emotions we go through, they can create massive wounds, but they can also heal them.

There's such a fine line between love and hate, we say we hate the people we love, we don't. We have a passion for them, the people we're in love with, can boil our blood to the maximum point. Why? Because they're the people who have the ability to hurt us the most. Our anger, is only us protecting ourselves from the possible hurt that can come from a situation.

But this anger, also does the most damage in a relationship.
We say and do things in the spur of the moment, out of this passion. But those things are usually the extreme acts that tear relationships apart. We end up with a lot of regrets in failed relationships, for exactly this reason.
We do horrible things, which in the moment, seem like the right thing to do, they seem like a way to hurt someone that's hurting us. But as we calm down, we realise the true effects of our actions.

We're all guilty of this, and most of us will know how much damage it can do to a relationship.
Passion and lust is a wonderful thing, but it's always very dangerous. Try not to act on your immediate emotions. You never know if the broken pieces are light enough to pick up!

Love.

As a lot of people who know me personally know, I've been going through a really dark patch in my life. But with all dark patches that we go through, they are very big learning curves, with the mistakes that we make, and the regrets that we hold. Through this, one of the biggest questions that I've been thinking about is, What is love?

If you were to ask me now, what I thought love was, I would reply with 'the thing that drives you to support and be there for a person no matter what happens.'
Which I think can be applied to any kind of love, but I won't go into them all.

Falling in love is probably the most complicated thing we'll ever do. If you're lucky enough to have a completely smooth relationship then, congratulations. But most will have a patch or two where things are rough and things are hard, and it can physically tear you apart. But if you come out of these hard times, to be able to look at the person, and feel completely fallen for them once again, and happy when you see them. You know you have a genuine love right there. Taking on the world together is the challenge.

And one of the hardest things that we have to accept is that sometimes that person that we have fallen so completely in love with, has moved on and doesn't feel the same.
People say that love is blind, and it is, but only partially. We see all the positive things in a person, and we try not to focus on the negative points, even though we can see them, it doesn't change the way we feel about them. To us, they're still just as perfect.

You can go through a lot with a person, and that situation can cause you be angry/distraught/desperate and those emotions can drive you to do the wrong things, things that can hurt the people you love, ruin your relationship. Yet sometimes that person can look at you, and see not the angry person, but the happier person they're so familiar with, the person that made their lives so happy, the person they could tell anything to, and spend every second with. But what's more extraordinary is that, we can look at that person, and the things they've done, and even if they've done the worst things to hurt us, we can understand the reasons why, and forgive them.

I'm not good at letting people in, and sharing how I feel. We can block people out to the point that we push them away. None of us want to be in a vulnerable position, and falling in love is one of the most vulnerable things we can do. So sometimes we hurt them by being cold, cutting them out of certain things. I know I've ended relationships I've been so happy in because I didn't want to be hurt.

We find it so hard to explain how we feel, and sometimes we just don't want to. My friends ask me how I feel all the time, but what can you say when you don't even know yourself?

No matter what you go through, love will drive your desire to support them, and have them there. But it's never always as easy as that.
Sometimes we can be too proud to let a love back in, if you've been hurt before by a person, and sworn before everyone you'd never give them another chance, made such a riot over how bad him/her are, you can stop yourself from giving love that second chance, and who knows then, what you're missing out on.
The love that means the most to us, is always the love that needs the most work to make it a happy relationship. People say love shouldn't be hard work, but love can be the thing that causes us the most pain, so of course, to heal, you need to work. But at the end of it all, you can be truly happy. You just have to ask yourself, if you're both serious about it, is that feeling they give you, worth it?

You can't have any kind of relationship without trust, but you can build one from desire, if you both want it enough, you can make anything happen. Never limit the chances you give love.

Advice blog: My best friend and my ex.

Those of you that follow me on facebook and twitter know that one of my main focuses at the moment is health, but before I bore you to death with all that, I have another advice blog for you.

A lot of us have been in this situation before, whichever role we've played....

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Hey Rebbie-Shane!
Me and my best friend have been friends for as long as I can remember, and last year I started to see my now ex boyfriend. We had a really good relationship  for the most part but unfortunately towards the end of the relationship he was cheating on me, as soon as I found out, i ended it. But I do still have feelings for him.
My best friend never is someone to be horrible towards anyone, so even though she wasn't happy with what my ex did to me, when he needed someone to talk to, she was there for him.
But now they're really really close, and I was scared that one day I'd find out they were seeing each other, or that they liked each other...
The other day, my friend asked me if I would be ok if they started seeing each other, and she said to me that she wouldn't date him if she knew it would upset me.. I said that it would, because... it would, but now I'm starting to feel a bit bad because I'm the reason they're not seeing each other.
I'm not quite sure what to do...

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Our friend's ex partners are usually a definite no-go area, but you do have to give your friend some credit for being honest with you, and talking to you about it. It obviously wasn't easy for you to hear but it won't of been easy for her to be honest about the situation.
At the end of the day, your friend has put you first, and if she's expressed that she doesn't want anything to happen with this guy because she's concerned for your feelings, then her priority in this situation is obviously her friendship with you.
Don't think of it as, you're the one stopping them from being together, she's obviously made that choice to put your feelings first, it's what friends do, and at the end of the day, I'm sure you'd do the same for her.
If you do feel bad, explain to her that you don't want to be the reason those two don't give things a go, but you appreciate the fact she has been honest with you, but don't forget to still be honest about how you feel about it. Don't go ignoring how you feel!
I'm going to assume that you'd rather not see your ex with your best friend though, it's very rare we're that nice! But even though she's crushing on your ex, you guys obviously have a good relationship if you can talk about this.
So tell her that, if you do feel bad, but it sounds to me like she's put her friendship with you first, because that's what she wants, rather than to risk that for a thing with your ex!
Hope it helps!  :)
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Hope you're still having a happy 2013!

New Years Resolutions!

Happy New Year everyone!
I hope everyone's had a great start to the year 2013! I certainly have!

This year I've seen a lot of status' and tweets slagging off the tradition of New Years Resolutions and personally I think the tradition is a fantastic one... even if we don't usually keep to them all year!
Most resolutions are made in the hope we make positive changes to our lives, the most common one is dieting and wanting to lose a bit of excess!

Which is fair enough. As my regular readers know, I am a big sucker for wanting everyone to feel comfortable with who we are, and why the hell shouldn't we?!
But being comfortable does make us very prone to letting go a little bit, and I'm the perfect example of this!
So in support of everyone I have seen make these resolutions, I found an app a few months ago, (some of you may remember me going on about it in the summer) and it helped me amazingly, Myfitnesspal is  a wonderful website and downloadable app which takes in your details and gives you an easy, do-able guideline to help you lose weight, all you have to do, is scan the barcode of the foods you eat, or if you eat out at somewhere like Spoons, they'll have it in there, so just search it.
But my favourite part about it is the fact it's a lot like facebook. It doesn't publicly show your weight unless you choose to, but your achievements  for example if you lose a pound this week, it'll come up in the feed and all your friends on the site can congratulate you and encourage you. Which I think is fantastic!
So if any of you guys wanted to check it out, feel free, its all FREE!!! and if you wanted to add me, my username on there is RebbieShane =D.

So what are your resolutions?
Mine are to get at least a 2:2 in my degree, which I will graduate with in JULY =D.
Get back into my regular writing!!

Share yours by either commenting below, messaging on Facebook or drop me a tweet (@RebbieShane)
I look forward to hearing from you all! and Happy 2013!!!